Just need a moan sorry, and some advice maybe?

[Sweets1]

So sorry to have a moan/rant to start! So last night I went with my husband for are annual Christmas get together with friends. We always have a fab laugh, but this time I wasn’t drinking!! I’ve not drunk in a good few weeks in preparation for starting ivf in January! I didn’t mention before hand that I wouldn’t be drinking. So of course!!!! I had the questions then, why wasn’t I drinking, was there anything I needed to tell them.... I knew it would happen, so I’d prepared slightly by saying that I was on a detox and I’m seeing a personal trainer ( this is in-fact true also) . As you’ve guessed, they don’t know about are situation, and I’m sure if they did they would be really understanding, but we have chosen to keep it private. So everyone around me was getting drunker, including my husband! And I was still having g the questions throughout the night!!! I knew the festive period would be hard, but I’m doing everything in my power, no drink, plenty of vitamins, and lots of exercise! Like everyone here, I want this to work and give ourselves the best chance!!! The same group will be together again over Christmas and new year, and I know I’m going to have the same again, so what the hell do I say/do??? I just wanted to shout last night from the roof top and kind of shut them up in the nicest way, as I really to love our friendship!! Part of me is now dreading our get togethers. My husband and I are planning lots of nice things together over Christmas and new year, I just feel a bit- arghhhhh

Sorry for the long winded post and the moan!! Hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday xxxx

[kirstyblue]

I’ve felt exactly the same. Our close friends knew about our ivf but the minute I wasn’t drinking id have to put up “something you want to tell us” etc. It’s awful!

I got my BFP now but I am still going to be in the same situation with questions over the xmas period (not 12 weeks yet).

Why do people have to make such a deal of it? It’s hard enough isnt it xx

[MissSaoPaulo in reply to kirstyblue]

It's a really uncomfortable situation isn't it!

At my husband's birthday last week I had a friend straight out ask me in front of loads of people "why aren't you drinking, you're pregnant aren't you?" Happily I am, but only 7 weeks and nowhere near ready to share it yet! I had prepared a bit as I knew it would probably happen and I said "That's a really problematic question, you know. Best case scenario the person is pregnant but it's early and they're not telling people. But it could be the person wants very much to be pregnant and isn't and that question makes them really sad. Or they may not even want kids and it makes them feel uncomfortable" so she said I was 100% correct and apologized for asking.

[CBOO1 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

That’s a brilliant response!!! I might have to use that one this year - being in the desperately want to be but struggling club 🙄

[Sweets1 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

It really is!! And I know really that they would just be excited for us! That is a good one!! Congratulations and good luck xxx

[Sweets1]

Congratulations on Your BFP!! I bet you can’t wait for the 12 weeks! That’s great! I know, it’s so tough!! Good luck with everything xx

[Saya85 in reply to Sweets1]

Hi sweets

Just a quick reminder-.if you don't click on the reply button beneath someone's message or tag them.in with @ before their name.they won't see you've replied to them.(couple.messages below same thing too x

[Hidden]

I am the same, I am hopefully having FET over the Christmas period, so I am not drinking. Thankfully I do have periods where I don’t take the after effects of drinking very well, I can get really anxious and depressed from alcohol, so I just tell people I am not drinking due to that. I will still get everyone telling me I need to get over it and just have a drink it will be fine, it’s so annoying.

[Sweets1 in reply to Hidden]

I know it is!!! Why can’t people just keep out isn’t it!!! Good luck with your FET xxx

[CLN1986]

People can be so nosey and bloody hard work!! Haha!

Why don’t you say you had a heavy night the night before and can’t stomach alcohol tonight? I know you should just be able to say ‘I don’t fancy a drink’ and have no questioned asked but it doesn’t work like that🙄 or maybe say to the bar tender/waiter (without others in ear shot), you’ll order a vodka soda & lime but leave out the vodka? Well done on prepping the body. I still had a few drinks before our cycle started and we got our positive result in November xx

[Sweets1]

I know can’t they just isn’t it!! I have thought about that truck to the bar tender!! Not that I’m an alcoholic but I do enjoy drinks so I think people are finding it hard to think of me not drinking over the festive season lol. I did have 1 last night! I’m going to try and look for non alcoholic things and stock up lol!! And hope they have had 1 too many to notice!! Oh congratulations xxx

[Saya85 in reply to Sweets1]

Keep ordering water and lime and pretend your drinking straight up tonics 😜

Then berate them.for not being able to keep up with you 🤣

[Sweets1 in reply to Saya85]

Lol!!! Well I’m certainly not going to get a UTI with all the cranberry juice I’m drinking!!! 😂xxx

[chrissie_81]

Grr!! It's so tricky isn't it! I was out last night for a Christmas meal, and my ongoing answer to the never-ending barrage of "why you not drinking?!" is just "I'm a boring old grandma these days!! And I'm driving"...seems to work! 😂👵🏻 You're doing the right things for you, and bubba-to-be, and like you, if my friends knew the whole IVF thing they would be supportive, but I've kept it all very quiet too. All the very best to you, and strength to have fun and deflect the never-ending questions!! 😘 xx

[Sweets1]

I’ll have to give that a go too!! It will all be worth it 🤞🏼!! Thank you!! Good luck to you xxx

[Hidden]

Hi.we ve tried both telling and not telling. Depending on where the next event is have you thought about faking it? Alcohol free wine and beer or lime and lemonade without the vodka etc. Then by the time everyone else is drunk you can relax!

Its such a shame that what should be nice evenings with friends are filled with pressure and anxiety. When we were at a party we told the barman and he was great and made non alcoholic cocktails in secret.

Its important that you try and relax and enjoy yourself so having a plan can help. Good luck and all the best for january!

Xx

[Sweets1 in reply to Hidden]

Faking it is going to get me through the Xmas period I think! Oh that’s good of the batman 😃I know I’m doing all the right things so that’s all I need to keep in my mind, thanks xxx

[Scarlett13]

It’s hard isn’t it! I’ve told everyone I’m doing ivf and then they’re either nice and understanding and ask good questions or don’t ask any more! If you’re starting ivf in January, why is your husband drinking out of curiosity? My partner and I stopped drinking completely 3 months before ivf as the alcohol affects sperm too, plus we thought it was important to support each other in this way. Hopefully you can get through Xmas with your same excuse as before if you’re not yet ready to mention the ivf xxx

[Sweets1 in reply to Scarlett13]

We are having donor sperm, in fairness he’s not really a drinker, only if we are out with friends, but he did say he would support me when we have our BFP bless him!! Fingers crossed, everyone will be drunk and won’t know what I’m drinking lol! Thanks xxx

[Scarlett13 in reply to Sweets1]

Oh if it’s donor sperm then he can be as drunk as a skunk 😂 how does he feel about donor sperm? I know a lot of men find that very hard to come to terms with. That’s great that he’s up for it and I really hope you guys get a BFP and 2019 is the year!!! X

[Sweets1 in reply to Scarlett13]

Thank you! Yes, he’s ok about things, he know that’s the only way at the moment. We have had a few counseling sessions! Thanks, fingers 🤞🏼xxx

[Elynn]

Oh that's an easy one....say you are on long antibiotics and cant drink. 😀

[Sweets1 in reply to Elynn]

I have thought of that too, I’ll be using that one!!! Thanks xxx

[Marietay]

It’s so frustrating isn’t it! I often pour non alcoholic wine into a normal wine bottle and drink that if we have people round or if we go to someone else’s house! No questions asked and when people get drunker they don’t notice anyway 😂 xx

[Sweets1 in reply to Marietay]

Yes, I’m going to be searching for non alcoholic wine and things. It’s hard when everyone around is drunk mind isn’t it! Lol🙈thanks xxx

[HPLondon]

I’ve found that holding an alcoholic glass of wine at the beginning of the night...but not drinking it other than a couple of teeny sips (which let’s face it, will make no difference) does the job. If you just hold it, people see the cue that you’re ‘drinking’ and don’t tend to question it later on in the night when you’re not.

[kt_11 in reply to HPLondon]

I agree with this. I was fortunately someone who could get away with just choosing not to have a drink, or driving as I’ve never been a really big drinker. Even before my IVF and pregnancy it wouldn’t be a huge surprise if I wasn’t drinking one night. But I know for most people it’s a lot more obvious. If you just get an alcoholic drink and nurse it for a bit, raising it to your mouth every now & then I don’t think anyone will notice. Even a couple of little sips will cause no harm whatsoever.

Or at new year maybe just say you’ve given up drinking after how much better you felt without it over Christmas. My sister and her husband have done this. No pregnancy, IVF etc but they just felt they were drinking a bit too much which was affecting their bank balance and waistlines!They felt it was easier to just stop, as otherwise there’s always a reason to ‘just have one’ which would lead to more. At first people were suspicious but now it’s quite normal for them to not drink and people have just got over it!

The antibiotics thing is ok but it depends how often you’re going out with these people. If your cycle works you could be off the drink for months before you actually want to tell them you’re pregnant by which point it’d be a bit suspicious if you were still on the same strong antibiotics! x

[Sweets1 in reply to kt_11]

I know!!! Fair play to your sister! I’m not making a fuss and trying to just brush things under the carpet! It’s just they were asking if I was drinking over Xmas/new year! I’ll definitely give the holding a glass thing!! I’m currently also searching non alcoholic wines and drinks 😂xxx

[kt_11 in reply to Sweets1]

What would you usually drink? I only really have red or sparkling wine. Sainsbury’s do a nice alcohol-free red and there’s one like a Prosecco called ‘bees knees’. I actually found that originally in a pub but I’ve had it from Morrison’s too.

If you like gin, there’s a ‘spirit’ called seedlip that seems to be in loads of bars now and stowford press do a cider (so do kopparberg but it’s too sweet for me). Beers like Beck’s blue are fairly readily available I think if you like that sort of thing 🍷🍺

[Sweets1 in reply to kt_11]

I’m more of a prosecco and gin type! Oh I’ll look for those now, thanks!! Xxx

[Sweets1]

I actually had t thought of that, but it’s worth a try definitely!! I’ll give anything a go to stop the whole line of questioning. I feel like I’m lying, but it’s just bending the truth!! Xxx

[HollieW]

I have lied and said I have a long standing medical condition that I am having treated in relation to my thyroid and the medication I have to take is so strong that I cannot drink or I will be really ill and that I have had to have regular appointments with the consultant which explain the EC and the FET. I researched the condition quite thoroughly before hand so when people asked questions I knew the answers. This has kept everyone I don't want to share IVF with off my back. It's awful you have to do these sorts of things but I feel it's a necessity sadly xx

[Sweets1 in reply to HollieW]

Fair play to you!! I know I feel the same!! It will be easier after Christmas I know, just rubbish timing I guess lol mind, everything about this journey is a bit rubbish xxx

[HollieW in reply to Sweets1]

Yep it's all pretty shit and unless you have gone through it you don't have a clue. Those I have told have been lovely but also make really inadvertently inappropriate comments so you can't win either way! I just hate the invasion of my privacy and that some people have to know, such as my boss because of the time off I need xx

[Sweets1]

I’m lucky so far, my boss hasn’t questioned any appointments- I think he thinks it’s woman related lol!! As soon as I start it could be different! But yes I don’t like the invasion of privacy either xxx