Hi all,I've not posted for a while but could really do with some of that positive energy I've seen in so many of your posts! Has anything helped you lovely ladies with keeping mentally strong and optimistic? Any advice much appreciated...
After 4 failed transfers (3bfn 1 chemical) from our first round over the last 6 months and my husband having a testicular cancer scare, we were advised to take a break and have some implantation failure tests. I had a hysteroscopy and the gynae found what he thought was a giant polyp/something more sinister. After two weeks of sheer anxiety, it turns out there was no malignancy or polyp, just normal endometrial tissue and the advice is 'keep going".
I should have been relieved but since then I've had wave after wave of anxiety and then feeling very low. The worst is that my husband seems to be in withdrawal mode and in part blames himself for what we've been through (male factor infertility). I've been to GP and have some meds on standby but would prefer not to take them. Counselling through the clinic is only sporadic too. We went away for a break but I really struggled to relax!
I keep wondering if I'll ever be a mum and if not, how I will accept this or what life might look like. Big questions, I know but if anyone has something that has helped to keep their mental health and relationship strong I would love to hear about it and try.
Thank you and sending much love xx
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Minniemouse88
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I am sorry the transfer didn’t work! I did not go to counselling but my friend that is a psychology gave me few tips to keep connected with my husband and look for the bright side. She said to me, maternity comes in many ways when you want a family…. Only that comment opened my mind in so many aspects!
She also mentioned to book tickets on things we used to enjoy before this journey. And I have to tell you that it really helped! Since then, we went for a comedy night club, a symphonic with the choir (just made sure it has happy songs composers) and we went another day to an organised walk (picnic) in the Peak District (not fan of long walking, but weather was good) I booked things that were not expensive as we already have spend so much on this!
Try to remember before all this, how special your husband was for you and remember that together you can conquer the world. Don’t lose hope!
Such nice suggestions and much appreciated. I'll definitely get some more nice things planned in. I think that's the key as it's so easy to just flop at the end of the working week. Thank you for the lovely positive vibes xx
Oh gosh what an emotional rollercoaster you've been on! It must have been so anxiety provoking glad all is ok ♥️I have to say I have struggled a lot, but keeping going with my hobbies and hanging out with childfree friends has really helped. We have a great life with wonderful friendships, hobbies, holidays and quality time and I try to focus on these things and tell myself " when we have a child I will miss this freedom, so make the most of it now". If we don't have success I can at least look back and think that I made the most of life through all the hardship. It is difficult though. When I find myself worrying I find it good to try and ground myself and be present and count my blessings in life.
If you ever want any support or a space to rant then my inbox is open xxx
So lovely thank you. It sounds as though you have found a good philosophy to get you through and make the most of what you have, which is a lot! Really kind wishes, thank you. Xx
Sending you so many positive vibes. Sounds like you’ve both been through a huge ordeal.
I’ve found focusing on doing at least one nice thing a week with DH whether that’s a nice walk or a nice night in, and making sure we set some time to talk about how we’re feeling good (on a walk often helps). Also I’ve been doing mindfulness training with a fertility coach which has been so so good for me (and DH because he picks up some tips from what I’m doing and also it’s easier for him as I can stay in a much more positive zone).
Thank you so much, this really helps. I really like the idea of fertility coach mindfulness training. If you get the chance, I'd love to hear more about this. How much mindfulness do you do per day? Do you do it first thing or before bed? I started this with the headspace app a few months ago and it did help a little so would be willing to try again! Thank you xx
it’s been a real game changer for me. I generally can be a bit anxious and future think/catastrophize. Thankfully never had clinical level anxiety but definitely part of my personality. I was really lucky the lady I see for fertility coaching locally (who’s also my acupuncturist) did her mindfulness training and essentially needed someone to try it out on once she got her cert before she marketed herself. So was really kind to offer me free course. It helped massively with my 2WW also since doing the course. I try and do 15-30 mins before bed often alongside some yoga and breathing or just listening in bed (I use the Mindful IVF app). Also try and fit it around daily tasks eg quick gratitude practice on drive in to work, super quick golden thread breathing at work if I feel a bit stressed, mindful eating for some meals, and definitely around nature/outdoors walks which I try much as I can to do at least a short walk a day. My DH says I’m a new person! I think it’s fitting it around normal things I do that’s helped.
Really hope you find some things that help. This journey is so hard x
Very inspiring thank you for sharing. It sounds like your efforts are really paying off and I'm definitely going to give it another go for me 🙂Thank you x
I'm so sorry for everything you've been through and hope you get your miracle soon.
I've had some really dark days due to two miscarriages but exercise really helped. I'm not an exercise lover by any means but the endorphins I got really helped. Also, doing lovely things with my husband and seeing friends who I knew weren't going to announce a pregnancy has been helpful. Seeing a fertility counsellor helped too. Xx
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glad all is ok ♥️I have to say I have struggled a lot, but keeping going with my hobbies and hanging out with childfree friends has really helped. We have a great life with wonderful friendships, hobbies, holidays and quality time and I try to focus on these things and tell myself " when we have a child I will miss this freedom, so make the most of it now". If we don't have success I can at least look back and think that I made the most of life through all the hardship. It is difficult though. When I find myself worrying I find it good to try and ground myself and be present and count my blessings in life.
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