Today a friend told me she was pregnant. She has a 9 month old baby already and, although planned for another child eventually, was not even trying. She can't remember her last period so she is having a scan next week to determine how far along she is. I am delighted for her but I felt a little weepy on the phone to her (she doesn't know we are trying, I don't want to deal with any well meaning questions and I feel she is a little smug...) and now I find myself in a very sad place. My heart is breaking.
By comparison we are just early starters in this "lark". My husband is off to get his semen tested next week and I am trying reflexology. We are both trying to adapt our diets to include "fertility super foods". We have secondary infertility, yet to be explored fully, but on the initial tests all seems well despite my age.
My GP has really put the emphasis on well-being, both emotionally and physically. Physically I can deal with but emotionally I am a wreck! Stressed, sad, weepy, angry, resentful, guilt ridden about all sorts of things that are really beyond my control but I feel bad anyway - you get the picture. I don't sleep well and feel quite anxious inside but I think I hide it pretty well (maybe not so much from husband but everyone else...I will be accepting my Oscar very shortly) I had moments where I was philosophical about it all but lately these moments are less and less with the dark times hanging around a lot longer.
How do you all stay so positive? Do you have mantra's, do meditation? How do you do it? How do you get out of feeling so rubbish?
Best wishes to you all x