I'm just going through a heavy withdrawal bleed after my first go at icsi, which ended up being a freeze all cycle (due to overstimulation). I'm not sure whether it's the hormones or the bad menstrual cramps or just generally fatigue, but feeling rather negative about the future.We were thrilled last week to have 5 embryos from our first round and are scheduled in for FET next month, but I'm really worried whether I can get through the next stage given that I'm already so tired and down.
I'm considering taking some time off work, but already feel a bit isolated from colleagues and don't relish the idea of ruminating too much.
Would really appreciate your experiences of ways to keep well. Did you find counselling helped? Private or through the clinics? Any tricks for shielding from the world just a bit without becoming isolated?
Thank you. I know you all have had to find strength from somewhere and I have every admiration for those of you who gave endured several cycles.
Thank you all xx
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Minniemouse88
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hi lovely, the hormones and withdrawal bleeds really can take it out you! I find eating some food with vitamins in does help a bit (oranges, veg etc) and (when it’s not bone chillingly cold 🥶) a walk does me good too (I’m far from a healthy eater or into fitness but even I can see the benefits of it after a cycle)
I found the free counselling at my clinic okay but find the mindful IVF app of the most help to listen to at night when I was ready to take it in and calmed me for bed.
If you need some time off then defo take it! I tend to plan a few days of a week as ‘me’ time when going through a cycle but still have something (not to much hassle) to look forward to with friends or family in the week to break things up a little (takeaway with my sister, watching football with my dad, lunch with a friend etc) but most of all just something to get me chatting to others about something other than IVF or work!
If you need a wee break though from the world please take it… there’s no better time to hibernate with a box set (i recommend the UK traitors on iplayer!) than in the middle of freezing cold January! 🤗
All that aside… you should be SOO proud of yourself for your ICSI round and 5 frozen embryos is AMAZING and gives you a really good chance of it all being worth it for that wee special miracle 💜🪄🌟 sending you a big hug and a high five 🖐️ xx
Hi Minniemouse, this journey takes a lot out of you take some time for your body and soul to recover be kind to yourself. Eat healthy lots of vitamin and iron rich foods drink plenty of juice. I would say use the free counselling at the clinic if you can as sometimes just speaking to a stranger about how your feeling can do the world of good. What helped for me was focusing on other things I planned nice things to do with my DH like cinema trips, meals out and even a weekend away. I also tried doing some craft things as it focused my mind and stopped me thinking negative thoughts. Most importantly be proud of what you have achieved and be kind to yourself and your partner x
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful reply. Lots of good tips there and definitely finding the crafting helpful. I'm not great at being kind to myself but working on it. Thank you x
So sorry you feel this way, I am sure the hormones plus the build up and then disappointment of no transfer have really hit you hard and you will start to feel better I promise.
The main thing is to make sure IVF doesn't take over your life, which sounds ridiculous as it always does! But the first few failed rounds I had I just kept going and kept going because I felt like at least if I was doing another round I was doing something positive - as I am a complete control freak and hated the out of control feeling. The difference was I didn't have anything in the freezer so that meant fresh rounds each time. The reality was it just got me into a spiral of stress and disappointment and resentment!
As you have some in the freezer that kind of takes the pressure off a little bit. I would highly recommend trying to live 'non IVF life' for a while when you aren't doing a round. Book a weekend away, have a glass of wine, do things you can't do whilst on all the drugs. I also got a bit obsessed with exercise as it was one thing I could control and focused on losing weight and getting my mind and body in tip top condition (never achieved either lols). But I think its important to always remind yourself there is life outside of IVF and positives of not doing it (like eating what you want, being flexible as no alarms for drugs etc).. otherwise the world can feel a really miserable place at times. Huge hugs xx
Thank you Daisy1245. You're right about enjoying the flexibility. I was quite relieved to be honest when they said go for freeze all as I was in a lot of pain after egg collection. I think I underestimated the hormonal downfall after all the stimulation. Thank you again, it really helps! X
Hi Minniemouse. Sounds like a good idea to have a break if you can and look after you. Counselling could be the way to go. There is a charity called the "British Infertility Counselling Association" who deal solely with fertility and relationships while going through treatments. There is a charge, but not extortionate. bica.net
concentrate on your pre-conception diet and keep busy. Diane
Thank you Diane. Starting to feel a bit brighter today as the cramps ease! Just didn't expect the hormones to be so disruptive to sleep ( a taste of the menopause maybe)! Still, Eating plenty of fresh produce, wholegrains and good fats and a few brisk walks in the sunshine. Leaving the rest to luck. Thank you again
Hi, I was in a similar place back in 2021 so I’m really sorry to hear you’re having such a rubbish time.
The hormones, medications and pressure of it all really do build up and if you’re overstimulated aswell that really does make you feel rubbish for quite some time. They say you’ll be better after the first bleed but that wasn’t my experience.
If you need a break and are able to take one I would definitely say to give yourself a break and allow yourself to feel more normal again before heading into phase 2.
We didn’t take a break, I didn’t want to, but I found counselling support provided by my clinic really helpful and if I’m perfectly honest, for me atleast, the frozen cycle was much easier.
Outside of that just make sure you are looking after yourself, take time for self care and listen to your body. Also be kind on yourself, what you’re going through is super hard and if your anything like me you will be feeling super alone. So let yourself be sad or angry or whatever you need to be because if you don’t let it out it will stay with you.
Wishing the best for you and if you want someone to talk to feel free to reach out
Hi Anna, thank you. Your experience does sound very familiar. I hope you are on a good track at the moment. It is very lonely, I agree. Although I am glad to have kept it private from family/friends and colleagues, it's hard when others expect you to be your usual self. I'm lucky I have a very supportive OH, but I don't think the chaps will ever quite comprehend the hormonal ups and downs! Thank you for your kind words xx
Hi there, your post totally resonated with me. I’ve just started having a withdrawal bleed after our first failed ISCI cycle and I’m just waiting for it to get heavier. I’m also feeling really low at the moment.
I hope the responses you received are helping as I’ve really appreciated them given how I’m feeling too. This is such an amazing forum which offers support from all these people who understand the headspace you’re in. Even if they’re not your best friend, a sibling, a parent or whoever you are closest to, just please remember that you are not alone, even though this rollercoaster process can feel like an incredibly lonely place to be. I also worry about cutting off my friends and how to prevent that, but just know that your closest friends will understand that they should just be there for you, even if that means in a few days, weeks or months. Funnily enough I was just about to post about how low I’m feeling too, so just know that I’m thinking of you, as are all of the others who have read or responded to your post.
I literally just had another chat with my husband about how I’m feeling and we’ve been working on a moving forward plan. I know that during the treatment I felt so positive as I was constantly thinking of the next step, so now I’m going to try to start that again by:
-booking my next round of acupuncture
-buying the ‘It Starts with an Egg’ book (recommended by a few people on here)
-coming up with a feel good meal plan
-planning some me time by maybe booking a nail appointment…or having a bath with a face mask, gin in hand watching The Real Housewives of OC! Maybe doing that a few nights a week even…I’m finding RHOC nicely distracting at the moment…!
Whatever shape it takes, you need YOU time right now. Take that time off work and do things that make you feel good, ideally the more wholesome the better! This time is all about self care and mental well being ahead of this next incredibly exciting stage. You have 5 in the freezer which is brilliant. Just remember that you’ve gone through the boring part of injections, now you need to think about yourself.
Huge good luck and just keep thinking about whatever you can do to make yourself feel better - even if that’s demolishing a box of Thornton’s choccies like I did late night! Xxx
Hey, Not sure how I missed your response but thank you. I hope your withdrawal bleed wasn't too bad and that you're well on your way with your action plan, which sounds fab!
I'm doing a similar thing right now. Husband and I just went and played a game of crazy golf for the hell of it and sounds weird, but it did me the world of good.
I still get that sinking or panicky feeling every now and then (usually when seeing someone pushing a pram) but accepting that it's fine to be where I am now
I agree, this forum has made a huge difference for me.
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