How do you feel when someone you know announces their pregnancy?

[Littlepeax]

How do you feel when someone you know announces their pregnancy?

At first of course I have strong feelings of how unfair life can be. I have been trying for 6 years in March (straight after me and my husband got married) I am upset for a while, thinking I hate my body, life is so unfair, why is it so easy for some people and impossible for others? Why have I never ever fallen pregnant naturally? But deep down I've never really become jealous of anyone else and I think the main reason for this is I always think in the back of my mind that its their journey.. how is them announcing their pregnancy going to effect me? I also ALWAYS think no one knows what anyone else goes through and that I'm lucky in other ways. I have a husband who I love more than life itself.

Every single person has struggles in life. No one has the perfect life, life is so hard and everyone has their ups and downs. If I was to announce to someone who was struggling to get pregnant that I was pregnant they might feel upset and envious and they wouldn't in a million years know the heartache I've been through. From the outside looking in it would look like I have the perfect life. I certainly wouldn't tell them any different.

The main reason for this post is try and not compare yourself to others (easier said than done) but you will feel a lot better for it. Everyone is on a journey in life. Try and be thankful for what you do have and never give up ❤🙏 always have hope. I hope someday it will happen for me and in the meantime I just have to be grateful for what I do have xxx

[Millbanks]

This is a lovely post. I completely agree with you that it's so important not to compare yourself with others - but it's SO HARD not to!! As I'm sure so many people on here have experienced, I've had so many friends fall pregnant while I've been TTC - mostly the first month of trying, and quite a few are on to their 2nd... It's so difficult not to feel envious of the ease that it happens for them. I also have a wonderful husband and really love my life, and when I sit in bed with a cup of tea and a book, and the sun is shining outside, I have to tell myself to really enjoy it now, because if we do ever get pregnant I can kiss that goodbye. But somehow it doesn't make all the BFNs and bumps in the road any easier to bear. I guess as you say, its just the journey we are on. We have to take a deep breath and suck it up, because there's no other option. And other people getting pregnant or not won't change that.

I needed to hear this today as one of my closest friends had her baby at the weekend (she got pregnant just as our 2nd transfer failed) and I have so many mixed emotions. Today I want to hide under a rock (although that could just be the norethisterone). xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

I know it is so hard and easier said than done.. I think that's why I wrote it down and posted it helps me understand more. And yes exactly.. I really don't want to waste these years of my life being miserable and heartbroken. No one knows what's around the corner. One of my best friends had her baby recently too, she lost her first baby to cancer and I guess that's another reason why I'm trying to think this way ❤❤❤

Glad I could help a little hun, hopefully it will be our time soon 🤗 xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

Oh that's so sad It sounds so awful when I write it down, but anyone who does go through other awful things makes it so much easier for me to be happy for them when good things do happen. When people just seemingly breeze through life it grinds my gears! God I sound awful! My dad died suddenly in November and we had a transfer right after and I really felt like we deserved for it to work, and it didn't and I was just left with no hope, but also feeling stupid for thinking that it would work because we deserved it to! xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

I know exactly what you mean. But I honestly think no one breezes through life. Everyone has bad experiences at some point just might not be vocal about it. Some people unfortunately are more unlucky than others. So sorry about your dad ❤ not stupid at all, you do really deserve it. Where are you now? Do you have any frosties? Xx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

You're right - I think because I'm quite open about things I just assume that if someone else isn't then it's because there is nothing wrong. But there is always something going on behind the scenes. Thank you - it was so truly awful. Just heartbreaking to lose him - we were very close. But as we were in the middle of a fresh round I think he gave us a little bit of his energy and magic as we got 8 good quality frosties! Never before!!

I'm currently waiting for a cyst to eff off then we'll start meds for FET (with our new ERA timing)...

What about you lovely? Any news on your clinic reopening? xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

Wow 8 is absolutely fantastic 🥰 I've never heard of that many before. Yes perhaps your Dad gave you a little bit of magic & luck ❤💫 I'd be absolutely devastated if I lost my Dad, can't imagine how you are feeling. Ah dreaded cysts 😣 hopefully won't be too long for you I know they can come and go quite quickly. I have a few too. I've gone privately with my NHS hospital, they said beginning of March should be OK for a new round so will see how the Covid19 situation is xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

I know - I was so shocked! The best we've ever had was 4 from our first cycle 2 years ago. Yes it's hard, but he's always with me 💙I really hope so, but weirdly I feel pretty chilled about it - I'm just waiting patiently...

Oh that's great! I'm so pleased for you. Is that a fresh cycle or do you have frosties? xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

Yes same I had 4 in my last cycle, used 3 so 1 left. Its not the best grade though so we wanted to do another cycle sooner rather than later. Glad you feel chilled about it, I kind of do too now. I'm enjoying a break from it and getting my body and mind ready xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

Yes completely, a break really does wonders for the mental health doesn't it! Once you've got passed the stress and panic of the delays that is... I think that's probably a good idea. A fresh batch of lovely little embies

Are you doing any other tests before or just cracking on? xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

I've had a few tests and they said everything seems fine apart from my endo. My last try resulted in a chemical so praying this time around works ❤ I defo have a progesterone issue so just need to make sure I have enough of that xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

That's good. As much progesterone as possible! I know it's heartbreaking having a chemical, but when I had mine it really gave me hope that finally I might actually get pregnant!! xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

Exactly hun, at least I know that something went on and it didn't just fail straight away 🤗 a little bit of hope 🤞 xxx keep in touch will be thinking about you x

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

You too!! xx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

Hi lovely, had my scan today and the cyst has gone - thank goodness! Ready to crack on now. Hope you're doing well xxx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

Oh that's amazing news hun 🤗 nice to hear from you, excited for you. I'm good hopefully hear from my clinic next week 🤞 xxx eeekkkk can't wait to start again xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Littlepeax]

Its so good when you feel like things are moving again! Keep me updated xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Millbanks]

Aww it really does 🥰 will do xxx

[Hidden]

This is such a lovely post indeed. Im at a point that ppl are announcing their second pregnancy during my journey. A little voice always tells me wow is it been so long since we are trying. Some babies that were born during my journey are growing up so quickly too. The hardest part is the actual pregnancy time. Since i have experienced a few weeks of it its super hard to see the girls grow and ‘complain’ abt their pregnancies. I always think if u only know how many of us would kill for your pregnancy. Heyhoo. X x x

[Littlepeax in reply to Hidden]

I do think that too, totally understand ❤ it is so hard.

[HollieW]

I still find it very difficult even after having a baby because of what I had to go through and that it always seems easier for others. I do try not to compare and am genuinely happy for those that are pregnant but always feel a pang of why can't it be that easy for me xx

[Littlepeax in reply to HollieW]

Huge good luck to you in your tww 💫 how are you feeling? ❤

[HollieW in reply to Littlepeax]

Thank you. I'm going crazy but the TWW is hell for everyone! I hope you can start treatment again soon x

[Littlepeax in reply to HollieW]

Thank you ❤ not long to go for you! 💫 fingers crossed for you 🤞 xxx

[Hidden in reply to HollieW]

When you have gone through infertility having a baby is like sticking a plaster on a deep wound and its not a magic wand to make the feelings of unfairness go away.

[HollieW in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely. Couldn't say it better myself xx

[Lapinblanc88]

Over the last 5years of infertility it has been harder and harder.

Last year we had 4 announcements ! Each time I had to fake a smile and say Congratulations! ( and then quietly cry over my losses, my miscarriages my bfns and my future)

The worse part is when we are asked about our projects..."what about YOU guys eh?" "What are you waiting for?!"

A close colleague who was unaware of my struggles said she couldn't wait to have her expecting baby and my future one playing together . I couldn't hold it and started to weep uncontrollably on Skype saying I don't think this will happen anytime soon

I don't beat myself up for feeling this way. I don't feel guilty or shameful. Whatever feeling I get I just simply let it pass. I think our emotions, whatever they are, are natural and normal

Xx

[Hidden]

Glad for them and wouldn't wish them harm but sad for my own situation

[MrsBobsy]

This was such a nice post to read and totally agree!Most of the time, when people announce, I feel like I over compensate by being super excited and happy for them (if they don't know what I'm going through), but I can feel my heart race and have burn up, like they must be able to see through me, even though I'm genuinely happy for them. But then every once in a while, it really hits me. A colleague at work, the most wonderful person, announced her pregnancy this time last year while I was waiting for treatment. I remember everyone jumping up out their desks to congratulate her and I just froze. I literally couldn't move. I felt so bad, but hoped she didn't notice. I couldn't talk to her all day. It was her second baby - the first she had when I'd just started this job, which was when I was on a long waiting list for surgery to remove one of my tubes, knowing that I'd eventually have to go through IVF. It made me realise how long my uncertain journey was.

BUT, these feelings come and go. And I always tell myself - you never really know those other people's journeys and what else might be going on in their lives.

On the flip side, when people know what's going on, I've found it's really sweet how considerate those announcements can be. I've had three close friends get pregnant whilst they know we're going through cycles. They've all called / messaged us individually before announcing, as they know it can be sensitive. Makes it just that little bit easier.

[Littlepeax in reply to MrsBobsy]

This is really relatable with regards to over compensate and being super excited for someone I know. Its a weird feeling isn't it. I do think it's so unfair, but then when I think racionally life isn't fair really. That's nice that you have supportive friends around you that really helps ❤💫 hope it all works out for you hun xxx

[Core]

This is such a lovely post and a really important message about being grateful for what we have. Hopefully it’ll be our turn soon xx

[Littlepeax in reply to Core]

❤💫❤

[Cac_H]

Hello... everyone is getting pregnant around me as my husband and I have taken the hard decision to stop treatments, I have to deal with my feelings everytime I get the happy news from my friends & colleagues. It's hard not to mix your feelings for them with what you feel for yourself. think I went on autopilot of an overjoyed reaction (maybe too much...) when I get the news, then go speak to my husband to see what it is that I really feel. It really depends on who is getting pregnant : a young colleague that just got married, or a 40 + friend that has also been trying for a while... one is harder to accept than the other...Struggling with fertility does not mean you can't be happy for your friends. Don't feel guilty for the sadness or jealousy (usually temporary) that can also overwelm you... it's just you dealing with your own situation. I ask people not too hold back because it's a good way to process your feelings, rather than burying them. I understood this when a very good friend of mine did not tell me she had become a mother until a year after her birth (we live in different countries). Take care Xx

[Snuggling]

It’s very hard and I experienced this so many times and always ended up feeling sorry for myself though happy for the person. When I finally fell pregnant I was worried about how this would come across as obviously I was over the moon but knowing what I know you never know who in silence has been going through something similar. When I mentioned to a few that it has taken us a long time and it wasn’t easy some followed up and I heard about their issues as well. It’s closer home than you know but so many of us are private about it. I still feel worried if anyone brings up my bum and I naturally start talking about being pregnant as it’s nice to share finally and then moments later I feel have I said too much what if I hurt someone?

[Littlepeax in reply to Snuggling]

Aww congratulations on your pregnancy, how far are you? 🥰 yes this is interesting to see from your point of view. Infertility is very common, most people just like to keep private. Only my sister knows about our struggles and she found out by accident! It's such a personal thing and people who haven't experienced it won't fully understand the pain it causes x

[Snuggling]

Thank you. I just had my 20w scan and though more hopeful and can imagine the baby I am still worried and think about all risks. Up to almost this time only my family knew abd I didn’t want anyone else to know over the years. Now having said it to a few ( in broader terms as people say oh lockdown baby, how wonderful , that’s it has been a far longer and challenging journey for both of us) . I wish you all the best and hope your time will come soon.

[Littlepeax in reply to Snuggling]

20 week scan, how amazing congrats 🥰try and relax as much as possible. You've come so far!!Thank you Snuggling, you too ❤