Feeling awful and not coping!

[Emotionalwreck]

Hello all, I'm currently in my two week wait for our 9th embryo transfer. Our first cycle was successful in 2017 with our son. Since 2019 we've been trying for a sibling using DE ICSI. Cycles 4-8 we're with a different donor to our son and we had 2 biochemicals , 1 negative and 2 early miscarriages. Cycle 8 I was expecting a negative and prepared for it to be the end of our journey. But the miscarriage showed me how much we still wanted a sibling so we decided to do one more round with a new donor. It's hasn't gone to plan, the uterine lining was not optimal so instead of wasting the chance of a fresh transfer we transferred two poor morulas and froze 3 good blastocysts. I'm due to test Sunday, I know it hasn't worked due to my symptoms but I am particularly struggling with the mental and emotional state of mind and don't know how to get through it or even consider putting myself through it again. Just wanted to share my feelings in a safe space with people I know I'll have had similar struggles. Thank you for reading x

[lmno]

So sorry to hear that your feeling so low - it is totally normal for all you've been through. I completely understand feeling stuck between not being sure of how much heartache you can take and the desperate longing for a sibling. Something I try to remember when I'm feeling stuck and low (which is a lot at the moment) is how much we have already come through and that we will be ok. It's also really ok to take time to just feel the pain of it all too and not rush any decisions. Thinking of you x

[Emotionalwreck in reply to lmno]

Thank you for replying. I definitely have started to think back to what we've gone through to get this point, so I know I will get through it. I keep telling myself my son knows no different so if he doesn't get a sibling, I know he'll be ok! 😔I've asked the fertility clinic to take my case to their MDT meeting. I used to work there so feel comfortable asking for more input and inclusion in decisions and give suggestions.

I hope you're ok, wherever you are in your journey. Xxx

[Positive20]

Hi Emotionalwreck. I’m so so sorry to hear about your fertility journey. We had 6 transfers before I was finally successfully pregnant (one miscarriage prior to this). We weren’t going to try again but I was torn with my partner not being as open to adoption as I was and couldn’t settle with the thought of one last go.

All I would say is the following helped me when I thought we weren’t continuing:

1. I found looking into adoption (if you are open to this) helped for me having another option if we did stop ivf

2. I do think time in between transfers helps so you can recharge your batteries, think about how you feel and be kind to yourself. I use to book nice things to do while I knew there was a gap so I could clear my head and feel “normal” again as I never felt well on the meds

Thinking of you xxx

[Emotionalwreck in reply to Positive20]

Thank you for your reply .

It is so difficult knowing when to stop.

We used to always think adoption would be an option. However we don't feel this would work for our family at this time and my son's age and so we would potentially consider this in a few years time, if we are unsuccessful with IVF sibling and we can have that discussion with our son.

Due to the my drug regime I need to go back on my HRT for at least three weeks before we go again so that's my normality break. We've said we will only continue going until the end of the year, so I'm conscious of that clock ticking away. But I know I need to stop trying to plan and go one cycle at a time, sometimes one day or hour at a time. Love the idea of planning some treats in that time though🥰

Thank you xxx