How do you cope with this heartbreak?

Hi everyone, today has been absolutely awful. I had a blastocyst transfer last Saturday and have been taking care of myself and staying really positive since then, however today this has all come crashing down. I started spotting yesterday and didn't worry too much and even got a little excited thinking it may be an implantation bleed, however today my period arrived in full force. I called my hospital but I knew there was nothing they could say or do, I just have to email my results when I do the test next Wednesday. How do you get past this heartbreak and disappointment? I am absolutely beside myself and although I tried to mentally prepare for this happening, I'm not coping well with it at all.

I honestly don't know if I'm strong enough for all of this. Life seems so unfair at the moment.

Sorry for the sad post, just reaching out for any help and hope that I can get through this.

25 Replies

  • So sorry Daisy-Mae, this is such an awful process for us all. I'm still on my first cycle so can't pretend to know how you're feeling but I would say allow yourself to be upset and take your time dealing with it. There are lots of ladies on here had a failed attempt to be successful with future attempts so please don't lose hope x

  • Thank you for your kind reply Lynnr54. I think time is what I need to process it all and build my strength up for my next try. Good luck with your cycle xxx

  • Hi Daisy Mae, I am so so sorry to hear this. No wonder you are so upset! No one would be prepared for a period arriving in the middle of an IVF 2ww, it just doesnt enter your head that this would happen! Did the hospital offer any explanation or reassuarance to you? Are you taking progesterone pessaries? As I maybe wrong but i think that progesterone delays periods so maybe its bleeding from all the procedures you have gone through in the last week or so? This journey is a tough one, but I promise you that you will get through this xx

  • Thank you Lou, I think you have just summed up exactly the shock I feel getting a period so soon. I was talking to DH earlier saying in my head I had run through the possibility of the test coming up negative, but it never entered my head I would get my period before one week was up. Do you think this is very unusual? I am taking the pessaries and have been told to continue with them until test day. I would love to think this is just because of the procedures but it really doesn't feel like that. Thank you so much for your kind words and lovely support, it means so much xxx

  • Our bodies do very strange things at times and with IVF we have to expect anything. Our bodies are complicated machines so sometimes the experts dont fully understand why they behave the way they do either. Next Wed may seem ages away but it will go quicker than you think and hopefully the hospital can give you an explanation. Good luck xx

  • I am so sorry to read your post Daisy-Mae. Same as Lynnr54, i am on my first cycle and preparing that this would also happen. You will get through this and will grow from this "experience" it will make you stronger. Sending you warm thoughts for you to feel better xxx

  • Thank you Mel ❤️ I wish you the very best for your cycle xxxx

  • Hi Daisy,

    Life seems so unfair sometimes and the IVF journey is often a cruel one but you are stronger than you think. Give yourself time and you will get through this.

    "Even during the depths of grief, when your world feels upside down and you barely recognise yourself-

    Hope rises from your soul and gives you strength to walk through oceans of tears, to dryer land"

    Sending you a big hug xxx

  • Thank you Anjel2, your support and kindness means more than you know xxx

  • Hi Daisy-Mae, so sorry to read your post. As Lou-79 has said, it's not usual to get a period while on progesterone in middle of 2ww. The first ivf attempt is usually a trouble shooting exercise if it doesn't work so that the next cycle has a better chance of working.

    Take each day as it comes and do something to treat yourself. It's a heavy burden to bear but you will get through this.

    Take care xxx

  • Thank you DSan for your kind words and support. It's comforting to think we can learn from this so thank you for pointing that out, hopefully the doctors will be able to explain what happened and modify what they need to to hopefully give us a chance of success next time round.

    Thank you xxxx

  • Hi Daisy Mae, if you're pregnancy test turns out to be negative (and believe me, stranger things have happened) you must remember that there is nothing that you yourself could have done to change the outcome. Unfortunately, ivf is a cruel cruel process but you will come out stronger at the other end.

    Take care of yourself.

    You are in my thoughts and I'll pray for you to get your positive next time xxx

  • Thank you DSan, you are right when you say it's a cruel process and I know in my head there was nothing I could have done but I think it's a female thing to blame ourselves (even if this seems totally irrational). It was my first cycle (and only chance on the NHS) and I really felt like everything had gone as well as it could have, up until Friday that is. I know it's probably not true but it feels like my body rejected the embryo and that's why I've had such awful bleeding. I hate this thought and feel totally devastated and worried for the future. I feel like a failure as a woman and like the only thing I've ever really wanted out of life is out of reach.

    Sorry for the sad post, I'm just saying things on here which I can't really say out loud so I apologise for that. Thank you for taking the time to write to me and offer comfort and support. I know you are going through torture in your 2ww and I am wishing you all the luck in the world and sending so many positive baby vibes your way!! Take care of yourself. Sending much love ❤️Xx

  • Hi, please dont apologise for how you feel. You are going through a grieving process which is totally understandable. I am going through my third and most likely final attempt. Time is not on my side at my age of 42 and I'm taking this one step at a time. But I believe in hope and will deal with the outcome when it happens. Hopefully, you still have time on your side and I'm sure your time will come. You will get through this I promise and will regain the strength to start again. It's nothing to do with your body rejecting the embryo, it just wasn't meant to happen this time. Speak to the consultant and find out what went wrong and what can be done to improve your chances next time. I have found that mindfulness breathing techniques have really helped me in the past. It also may be a good idea to attend counselling if it's offered. You will get through this I promise, it will get easier. Give yourself time to grieve but also know that you have the strength to get through this and you will. We are all here to support each other hun. Take care xxx

  • Hello sweetie. I'm so very sorry. I know how it feels to not even get to test day. But still have to do the test just to make sure. Even though it's very clear what's happened. It will get easier with time. So dont be hard on yourself. Nothing you did wrong at all. Please believe that. Treat yourself to something nice. And don't rush into any decision making yet. Take time to get your head around this. Always here to listen. Lots and lots of love and hugs. Take care. Xxxxxx

  • Thank you Piglet, the strength and support from strong ladies like you honestly helps me to feel less alone. I admire your strength and determination and hopefully I can come out of this a stronger person too. Sending love xxx

  • So Sorry you're going through this, I experienced the same not making it to test day with both my cycles. It's heartbreaking and tough going through the motions of testing anyway.. Take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve hun xxx

  • Oh I am so so sorry to hear you have experienced this twice. Did your hospital give you any explanations as to why it happened? Thank you for letting me I'm not alone in this and for reaching out with your support, it means a lot xxxx

  • Unfortunately not, we're unexplained so were told it's one of those things/should have worked..v frustrating! You're definitely not on your own, the ladies on here are lovely you'll get plenty of support hun xxx

  • Oh no Daisy-Mae I'm so sorry to hear this. Like you say this is not something they warn you about and certainly not something that crosses your mind while you're on the 2ww as you're more concerned with positive/negative results, looking after yourself and analysing every symptom/twinge in the process. I can't say I've even read about this happening it seems really strange but I'm sure the hospital will discuss it with you at your follow up appointment. In the meantime all I can say is try to take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself. I've coped a lot better with treatment & the disappointing result this 2nd time round thanks to acupuncture and meditation and I highly recommend the Zita West book, it's so informative. Sending you a huge hug and wishing you the best of luck on your journey 💜 x x

  • Thank you so much noodles, and I'm sorry to hear you have gone through heartbreak and disappointment too. I am going to buy the book you recommended and take some time to do things that make me happy for a while (if I can remember what they are!). I feel like I've been living in an IVF bubble for such a long time now I've forgotten what 'real life' is. However I think it's time to take some time to recharge and plan where we go from here. Thank you so much for your kindness and support xxxx

  • The book is great, I'm sure you'll find it helpful. I was the same as you, living in an ivf bubble. Slowly but surely you'll start to re-discover things you enjoyed before you started the process then you can come back stronger than before and ready to tackle the next step in your journey. I had totally neglected my relationship and become a bit of a recluse but I've started meeting up with friends again & had a few nice meals with my other half. We've also been to the cinema & had a few days away. I realise now that life shouldn't stop just because I'm having ivf but hey I'm learning along the way. Take care & keep in touch 💚 x x

  • It certainly is a very big learning process! Thank you so much and I will keep in touch. Your support means a lot xxx

  • Hey there

    Been three done that felt angry, hurt, sad, blame full,overwhelmed and so much more. I tried to explain it to myself for an easier coping method.

    Nothing makes you feel better just trust and believe that one day at a time you will get stronger and be ready to go again.

    Sorry for your loss xxxx

  • Thank you so much Tamtam1. It's a strange thing but hearing how others have dealt with this and come out stronger really does give me hope for the future. I think we experience so much through this journey but maybe it all makes us stronger and hopefully gets us closer to our dreams. Sending you lots of love xxx

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