Just wanted to post somewhere where people might understand my worries.
A job opportunity has come up that sounds really promising and great for career progression. It’s a slightly longer commute to a city with worse rush hour traffic but the job itself might be more rewarding with potentially less stress.
I’m about to start embryo banking though and by time (if I get it) I start a new job I’d be getting into stage I hope of looking at FETs.
My current workplace while not so great at times have allowed some flexibility with annual leave etc.
I worry that if I move I’m starting a job to almost instantly start needing time off for FET and potentially taking sick leave as going to need immune treatment, travel for PRP etc.
But then I also worry if I don’t go for it I’ll regret it because I’ve let a lot of opportunities pass me by already because of being in fertility treatment for years (so that I feel not moving forward in any aspect of my life), and getting increasingly stressed and overworked in current job which can’t be good.
Anyone with similar dilemma? How did you decide?? Thanks xx
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Hello, I completely understand the situation. It’s so tricky, but I decided to move jobs between egg collection and then FET (although did need to wait a few months to be eligible for enhanced mat and SMP). Ultimately I felt so stuck in my fertility journey and still not sure how long successfully getting pregnant would be, I’m glad I was able to control that side of my life and feel like I was moving forward and making positive career progress. If the new place is good they may also gave either a fertility or special leave policy in place so could be worth exploring that to help with time off, many employers can be very understanding. Good luck whatever you decide to do!
That’s so helpful thank you. They’re a big organisation that should have good T&Cs and HR. I think as well once you have the transfer it’s viewed as that you’re pregnant in terms of how sick leave treated.
I completely agree that it’s the feeling of achieving and moving forward with something when the fertility situation makes me feel like a right loser in life! Thanks again xx
hey lovely, I feel like I too have been missing out on missed opportunities because of my fertility journey. I work remotely/ 2 days in the office and I dare not look at jobs that don’t offer flexibility. Could you potentially research the new companies benefits etc and read reviews on company culture on glassdoor or other social platforms?. I haven’t gone for a new external role as I’m always thinking what if I do get pregnant and no longer have mat benefits… but I’ve been on this journey for 4 years now with no luck so I may just take the risk and go for something if the opportunity presents itself. I’m fed up of trying to plan everything when clearly nothing goes to plan. My motto now is it’s in God’s hands, whatever you’re meant to have will not pass you by. Good luck xx
I really appreciate your reply. Your feelings reflect mine so much. I think I’m coming to a gut feeling that I need to make this leap and see how it pans out. It doesn’t have to be forever if it’s not right xx
I truly empathize with what you’re going through—it’s something I’ve struggled with a lot myself. During times like these, I’ve found it helpful to step back and reflect on what work really means to me. Over the past four years of my fertility journey, my perspective on this has evolved significantly.
At one point, I leaned on work as a place where I felt needed and useful, a space where I could find satisfaction in accomplishing tangible goals—something that felt impossible amidst the uncertainties of fertility. However, I’ve come to realize that relying on both work and fertility to provide a sense of achievement or fulfillment was creating undue pressure. Accepting that changing jobs or circumstances won’t instantly fix everything has been a hard but necessary shift for me.
On a more practical note, I’ve found that being upfront—both with my current workplace and potential employers—has been invaluable in determining whether a job move is the right choice. Their reactions, whether supportive or not, provide clarity. While it’s not always the response you hope for, it’s freeing to let go of the burden of secrecy and truly understand where they stand.
I wish you the best of luck in navigating this journey and in whatever path you choose to pursue. You’re not alone in this, and I’m rooting for you.
Thank you so much for this beautiful response. I am really striving for this mindset too. I think it is the fact that things have become very stressful with new management in my current role, working long hours and more pushed on me, that’s making me so keen to move now. I am hopeful the new role if I get it is a more rewarding but less stressful day. That is very good advice to be upfront ❤️
Sometimes I think, why do such things happen to us women. But this is how biology works I guess.
I found it extremely hard getting time off a new job I started whilst going through our journey. Getting time off was not the only challenge, but taking time with a doctors note also created issues. I ended up taking a 6month break from the process and focussed only on work, earning trust and then sharing with my manager my journey and why I wanted time off etc etc. This was what truely helped, and It became easier after that. But I never got far in that job, because I never got to spend much time in the job as the fertility journey took so much of my time and head space. But please do what you think is right, and ensure that you are aware of company policies on medical leave and such.
Just to clarify, I’m still at that job! When I said I did not get far, I meant in terms of career progression, as I took so much time off and then fell pregnant so went on mat leave! My new team has been amazing through my journey! In hindsight it was the right decision.
Hello, hubby and I decided to relocate and that included changing jobs in the middle of fertility treatment. We discussed what we really wanted and the pros and cons of waiting or going for it. We decided to go for it and agreed that we would move clinics and or commute if we were still in the middle of treatment.
Like you, I was doing back to back cycles and as it so happened everything fell in place for us as we did our final egg collection and egg transfer just before we moved. I used my TWW to pack. Got my BFP the first night we were in the new city.
In my experience, IVF can consume you but it is important not to let it get in the way of doing what you really want to do. You can always ask about the flexibility of the new employer at the interview stage or even have a chat with the recruiting manager before you apply.
Hi I moved jobs before however I knew the people I was going to work for. I told them before I started in 2 months after starting I was doing a transfer they were really good with me and it worked this time round (unfortunately I lost the baby) but I think the better hours and less stress in the new job helped massively. It's very hard being in limbo most of the time not knowing what to do. Legally i think there is a certain amount of time you need to work for before you get pregnant but not sure how long it is and don't think it's too long.
hey totally understand but I would go for it! I’ve changed jobs a few times over the years during treatment and as long as you are upfront (when you need to be) with your boss they should be fine! This can be a long hard journey and the last thing you need is to put your life on hold for it, when I tried that it made me miserable. I’d defo go for the new job if nothing else it could be a great distraction 🤗💜 xx
Thank you so much. I’ve already mentioned it to the main lead during informal chat. They wouldn’t be my direct line manager but they were supportive. xx
I moved job twice during treatment. The first time, right before an egg retrieval, and the second time, between and egg retrieval and transfer. If I'd held off, I'd still be in the first job that I hated 3 years later. I got some really good experience with the first move, and the second move was to a really great company with lovely people and a way better salary.I was just upfront with my boss both times. The second time, my boss was someone I'd worked with before and a friend so that was easier.
The last transfer (like 2 weeks after I started) was successful and I'm 25 weeks, so the only thing is that I am not going to get full pay for mat leave, but still, you never know which is going to be your lucky shot or how long it will take. I really believe you have to continue to live your life as best you can during treatment.
Did you need much off around transfer? The thing that worries me most is that I’ll need time for PRP, intralipid infusions (all things I have to travel quite a way for) as well as the usual monitoring scans (clinic is an hour away so that’s two hours travel plus the appt if running to time) and transfer day. Plus I think as realistically this will be our last shot this year if we have a good embryo to transfer I will want to ensure I do everything possible and really thinking I’d want to be signed off for the 2WW as my job is quite a demanding physical one even if change employer. So that does mean quite a bit of time out of work 🙈
Thank you! We had our treatment in Prague, so I had to take time off to travel for the transfer. I think I took 4 days. You could always tell them you have holidays booked and book the full time off? Or delay your start date? Or just say that it's nothing for them to be concerned about, but you have some upcoming medical appointments and will need the time off for those? I'm not in the UK I'm in Ireland so not sure how it works there but here, legally, when I said I had medical appointments they weren't allowed to ask anything further. Once I was asked for a cert but that was literally one time in 3 years of treatment. And I didn't have to include on the cert what it was for, merely that I had an appointment.
Best of luck to you, I hope it goes your way. You're stronger than you know, whatever way it works out whether you move or not, you'll get to the other side! Sending positive thoughts!
Go for it! There is sadly no guarantee that you will get pregnant even if you do manage to bank some embryos. You will always regret not going for this opportunity especially if the embryo banking and getting pregnant doesn't happen as you envisage. Also, if it does, there are employment protections for people undergoing IVF and there are possibilities for delaying your FETs as it is more important that you have the eggs collected when you are younger, there is no need to still be young when you have them transferred!
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