I've not posted on here for a while but I'm very much having a 'down day' after looking forward to plans with a friend and her kids today and she forgot about this. On Christmas day I found out my 6th transfer from my 3rd round of IVF failed - we tried icsi in the final round but no success. This was via NHS in Scotland. I feel that 6 failed transfers is alot and most people have success before this so I can't decide if I can physically, mentally and financially go through another round, and whether there is any point. I'm turning 39 very soon and if we chose to pay for a further round it may not be until the end of the year which will be a few months before my 40th birthday. I feel like quality must be an issue which makes me think 'whats the point' in trying again a year later when quality will be even worse than it is now. My relationship was also suffering which is why we decided if we do another round we wait a while. I'm struggling to navigate all the feelings about probably not having kids of our own, all hope is gone today and my experience today with my best friend has made me question the impact on other relationships (them having kids and me not having kids).
Has anyone had success at a similar age and after a similar number of transfers? 😞
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Xmishell37
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Try not to be too hard on yourself - allow yourself time to grieve and regroup after your recent treatment Make sure have people around you for support Hope you get some replies to your post as this forum is an excellent source of peer support and information . Difficult decision to make on what your next step should be - might be an idea to have some counselling Try your GP or The British Infertility Counselling Association wwwbica.net This is not a free service , but they are all specially trained in speaking to people with fertility issues and their relationships
I'm sorry you're having a down day - I've had many of those. It's such a rough journey with so many unpredictable elements, it really feels like such a rollercoaster.
I'm sorry you got a negative on Christmas day - pretty disheartening. I had a BNF on Christmas eve once too, just so rubbish.
I just wanted to let you know that we had success on our 6th transfer after 4 egg collections / PGT-A testing / NK cells testing / ERA testing. I was 38 when it finally worked. There were many times that I felt it was never going to happen but each time we changed or added something until we found the key.
I know a lot of people on here have had success on 7 / 8 / 9 transfers and over the age of 40 too - so don't count yourself out just yet.
Holding a relationship together during IVF is really tough, sometimes it brought us closer together, sometimes I felt resentful that it was me going through all of the physical crap, sometimes he felt bad that he was just left out of everything. But you'll find a way through.
Thanks ❣️ I should probably have looked into additional testing by now but I find it all so exhausting and so end up being very avoidant about it all. I should have mentioned in the original post I've had one early miscarriage and 2 chemicals pregnancies - is this something NK cells testing and ERA testing might shed some light on? The issue doesn't seem to be implantation as I can get pregnant, I just don't stay pregnant 😔 xx
Aw I'm so sorry to hear that. I would imagine that these are more likely to be caused by chromosomal abnormalities rather than anything else. Have you thought about PGT-A testing? Although I have to add that I had an early miscarriage with a tested embryo so it's still not a silver bullet.
Its possible that your embryos are implanting then your immune system is fighting them off - the NK cells test would shed a bit of light if that were the case.
An ERA test is probably moot because as you say, if they are implanting then your window of implantation is likely spot on.
Thank you I'll look into the NK cells test ❣️ I've not bothered with PGT-A testing as I've never got loads of embryos from one cycle so have just went ahead xx
It's worth a shot for sure - my NK cells were really quite high so preventing any implantation at all - but if they are just slightly raised they may have an impact - worth have a chat with your Dr anyway.
PGT-A generally divides the group because there is loads of research to say its can improve your chances and loads to say its not accurate enough. And we only did it because we had 9 frozen (from 2 cycles) so I didn't want to keep transferring embryos that we felt stood no chance. We actually ended up with 6 euploid from 9 tested so I feel like that was never the issue anyway.
Would you consider embryo banking then testing? I imagine no, as you sound like you've had enough. Its such a long slog this journey - you really have to grit your teeth don't you xx
Thanks for the info it's really helpful ❣️ I would a really prefer to do embryo banking then do the transfers when I feel up to it but not found a clinic in Scotland that offers it, they all insist on transfers being done after egg collection. There aren't even many clinics in Scotland to choose from xx
Ah that's odd - I wonder why they don't allow that? It's very common in England - especially if you've not had much luck so far. Is it something you could push with them - based on your experience so far? I feel like I was so pushy with my clinic but sometimes it's the only way to get things done. I'm sure they hated me by the end!! xx
Yeah sometimes it's probably best to be pushy, I just don't even have the energy, I remember one of my consultations after a failed round I hardly said anything as I didn't find it helpful being told I was just unlucky. It's very frustrating having to find the energy to do your own investigations! Xx
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how tough it must be. I know someone who found success on her 7th cycle, so please don't lose hope. That said, I completely agree with you and the previous poster—taking some time to focus on yourself and your recovery might help boost your chances. I understand your concerns about the biological clock, though, and getting one or even a few second opinions could open up new possibilities for you. By the way, the eggdonationfriends team offers free services for those who have faced multiple failures, so that might be worth looking into. Wishing you all the best on your journey 💛
Thanks ❣️ I suppose it's more frustrating not knowing what the issue is...all I know is I've had an early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies so I can get pregnant but can't stay pregnant 😔 I'm so mentally exhausted xx
I hope you’re doing ok. I honestly had had enough by transfer number 4 so hats off to you. I know people who have been lucky on transfer number 10. It’s so individual on whether you want to keep going or not. I don’t know if donor is an option for you but we went down that path due to age. We just wanted a family and honestly I don’t have one single regret xxx
So happy for you getting your happy outcome ❣️ there's been alot of back and forward in terms of decision making about going forward so perhaps the additional time over the next few months will help, I'm struggling with the idea of spending so much money for another failed round, the financial side is so unfair xx
hi my dear. I’m no so sorry to hear all this, it sounds hard- it is hard, I know it. I am very lucky to be pregnant on FET 7. So not all hope is lost.
All our tests have been normal, ‘undiagnosed infertility’, so nobody could understand why we had recurrent implantation failure. We were lucky that I responded (too) we’ll to drugs so got 26 eggs at EC which resulted in 11 freezable embryos. That’s the only way we kept going, because we’d paid up front for a package. (That EC was age 39.5).
I realllly think stress had an impact. I was working in a job I almost hated fur the 6 fails. I was almost at burnout crying everyday at work (not my days off, it was100% a work thing). I changed job & immediately felt so much better/calmer-my reflexologist said the same about how my stress felt in me too.
I also had sex the night before transfer 6 & 7 (6 was actually a chemical preg for 1 day). I read a RCT study from 2023 (google it, easy to find) that found better success having unprotected sex the night before transfer.
Good luck for the future, whichever way you choose to play it.
Ps, I had to break my husbands back to consent for our final transfer, he was so ‘done’. I did it all pretty solo (didn’t make a thing or take any drugs in front of him because I didn’t want him to be impacted too much), it actually helped me to do it this way. Xx
Thank you and congratulations ❣️ do chemical pregnancies count as implantation failure? I had a very early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies in the last 18 months. I was told by one doctor after my second failed round that I've just been unlucky....to me it feels more than that and that statement felt quite dismissive
Apart from reducing stress and having sec before transfer, is there any other lifestyle /diet changes you made? I'm considering trying dhea xx
Thanks I may look into that book ❤️ I already got the book 'living a life unexpected' which is about not being able to conceive...probabyl not the right mindset and I couldn't even read it for crying xx
I'm so sorry to hear this. I have had similar I had 4 failed transfers and then changed clinic and had investigations for failed implantation. Now I know ( I hope) why and can move onto getting it right next time. Don't lose hope. I have 7 collections in 4 years. I understand the disappointment etc. but channel it to hopefully find some answers. Fertility well being is so important I also used my clinic counsellors x
Thanks ❣️ I have a counselling session in a few weeks, I don't feel at this stage it will help but I hope it does. I feel like the only thing that is going to help my mood is having a successful pregnancy - it's so tiring
I've had a very early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies so I'm not sure implantation is the issue but not entirely sure xx
Issues and or recurrent miscarriage. Nk cells era and Alice tests are advisable. I hope you find something that helps. I found having holidays and breaks away from
Short breaks away from home are what works best at the minute so we've booked a nice hot tub lodge in march for my birthday ❣️ but I agree nothing helps fully, I'm not keen on counselling but agree to try it as a last resort because of the impact on my relationship. Hope you manage to find success if you haven't did so already ❣️ xx
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through—it’s such an incredibly heavy burden to carry, and your pain and doubt are completely valid. I just want to say that I understand some of the emotions you’re feeling, and I hope my story can offer a little bit of hope, even on such a difficult day.I went through multiple rounds of IVF myself and experienced several losses and heartbreaks along the way. There were moments when I felt exactly like you—exhausted, defeated, and wondering if it was worth trying again. I also had fears about my age, my relationship, and whether my dream of becoming a parent was slipping away.
But then, when I least expected it, I finally had success with a transfer, and I’m now pregnant with a little boy. It wasn’t an easy road, and like you, I struggled with feelings of jealousy, isolation, and despair when friends around me were building their families.
What I can tell you is that it’s okay to pause. It’s okay to take the time to heal emotionally and physically, to rebuild your relationship, and to decide what path feels right for you. Whether you choose to try again or take another path, your feelings are valid, and your journey is unique.
Even if you can’t see it today, there is still space for joy, connection, and fulfillment in your life, no matter how your story unfolds. Be kind to yourself in this moment—you’re carrying a weight that not everyone can understand. If you ever need someone to listen, know that you’re not alone, and your pain deserves to be heard and honored.
Thank you ❣️ I truly believe the only people who really understand are those that have been through it - I wouldn't wish the hurt and pain on my worst enemy. The rollercoaster is tiring and I'm questioning how much effort my partner is willing to put in as he's also tired and wants to take the break.
I've had an early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies in 18 months so perhaps I should look into additional testing - it's just all so exhausting xx
I'm sorry to hear about your latest transfer. It really is very difficult to know what to do.
I just wanted to give you some hope because I had success on my 4th round of IVF and 8th transfer at the age of 41 so these things are possible but before that none of the transfers worked. For me, the drugs were tweaked on the last transfer (- I took buserelin I think even though it was a FET) and I think that's what made the difference. So, I agree, just doing the same thing again may not be the answer but if there are any suggested changes to the protocol your Doctors can recommend then that may be worth considering. Equally, I was worrying about how long it was sensible to keep going.
Thanks and congratulations ❣️ I have a consultation in March with a different clinic (only because I moved house) so will defo ask if they suggest any tweaks as I don't see the point in doing the same thing repeatedly (and paying so much money for it 😔) xx
sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time.
I recommend looking on Tommy's website for recurrent miscarriage (you'd meet criteria, I believe) and implantation failure.
I'm at Coventry and I've found them to be very supportive (no baby yet, but at least support to feel we've done all we can). The best thing is, they do all their consults over the phone, so it doesn't matter where you live (I think referrals from Scotland are possible, but Tommy's website will tell you). the team are led by Prof Quenby and you'll be managed by her directly.
There's additional testing available via Tommy's at Warwick, which you do pay for (cost has now gone up to over £1K, I think, was £700 a couple of years ago). That you need to attend for in person but only once. It's for implantation failure too and is helpful. The train down is fast, at least.
For us, we found PGTA to be the right choice, but have had implantation failure there too, so it's not a silver bullet. Might be worth considering though (I was the same age as you) to at least narrow down reasons for things not working out.
Grim as it sounds, you'll also now be likely for testing of are further miscarriage tissue (sorry, there's no nice way to write that) and that again might give more clues.
Hope some of this helps and, to say, relationships go up and down through this process. There's so much to work through together and individually. Try to remember what you enjoyed doing together before all of this started, and give some time to that, if possible. xx
Thank you ❣️ I've been considering calling my doctors this week to see if they can refer me somewhere for recurrent miscarriage as I know I have a while before any more rounds anyway so I have time for testing etc. I'm already worried about paying for IVF so I don't want to pay a fortune for testing. I have no idea how people manage to pay for multiple rounds! Xx
I had an egg retrieval at age 39 a few months ago and we had to do a freeze all due to my risk of OHSS. I was upset as I have since turned 40 and we still haven't been able to transfer. I mentioned my concerns and my consultant said something which stuck with me and has helped and that is, my retrieved eggs will always be 39 and our embryos are created with my 39 year old eggs! So that aspect of the process and getting a little older as each month passes isn't as concerning to me now and I feel much calmer about it.
Maybe if you want to take a break consider collecting your eggs so you collect them before you get older then that's one less worry for you xx
Thank you and hope you got lots of embryos especially having to deal with OHSS! I had it after my first retrieval as they got 20 eggs and it wasnt pleasant - only got 3 embryos from that tho xx
Please don’t lose hope xx we’ve both been on quite the ride but your encouragement to me has always been appreciated. I have to reciprocate as I don’t want you to count yourself out. You CAN get pregnant so it’s only a matter of time. Hopefully with the new clinic they will make those personalised changes for you. As others have mentioned you may need additional tests to find the cause of the failures but I do it’s highly possible to get that successful outcome 💕. I went for my hysteroscopy Monday and in the words of the doctor “everything looked beautiful” so I’m super pleased that I can rule out there’s nothing wrong with my womb preventing the next transfer. I’ll keep checking in with you and wishing you the best for your upcoming counselling session and consultation with the new clinic. You have lots to look forward to when you believe it is possible and it is xx
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. I also have a similar problem as have had two transfers, one resulted in MC at 9 weeks and the other a chemical pregnancy. Many years ago I had a natural pregnancy which also resulted MC at 9 weeks. I had my NK cells tested last year which were slightly high and I decided to change to a clinic abroad who did a biopsy and recently diagnosed Chronic Endometritis. I’m currently on antibiotics and need to back for another biopsy to make sure the inflammation is gone.
I would recommend testing NK cells and a hysteroscopy or biopsy if not done before. But I also wanted to say I know how it sucks to have joy/hope and then have it brutally snatched away. It’s tough. I’ve had to take time during transfers to get myself in the right mindset where I can cope with whats needed for the next IVF cycle.
Thank you and I'm sorry for what you've been through, it's so cruel and noone deserves that 💔 I hope you get a positive outcome soon ❤️ I'm trying to find the mental energy to call my doctors this week and will defo ask for additional testing as I'm stressed about having to pay for everything from now on!! Xx
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