I've not posted on here for a while but I'm very much having a 'down day' after looking forward to plans with a friend and her kids today and she forgot about this. On Christmas day I found out my 6th transfer from my 3rd round of IVF failed - we tried icsi in the final round but no success. This was via NHS in Scotland. I feel that 6 failed transfers is alot and most people have success before this so I can't decide if I can physically, mentally and financially go through another round, and whether there is any point. I'm turning 39 very soon and if we chose to pay for a further round it may not be until the end of the year which will be a few months before my 40th birthday. I feel like quality must be an issue which makes me think 'whats the point' in trying again a year later when quality will be even worse than it is now. My relationship was also suffering which is why we decided if we do another round we wait a while. I'm struggling to navigate all the feelings about probably not having kids of our own, all hope is gone today and my experience today with my best friend has made me question the impact on other relationships (them having kids and me not having kids).
Has anyone had success at a similar age and after a similar number of transfers? 😞
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Xmishell37
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Try not to be too hard on yourself - allow yourself time to grieve and regroup after your recent treatment Make sure have people around you for support Hope you get some replies to your post as this forum is an excellent source of peer support and information . Difficult decision to make on what your next step should be - might be an idea to have some counselling Try your GP or The British Infertility Counselling Association wwwbica.net This is not a free service , but they are all specially trained in speaking to people with fertility issues and their relationships
I'm sorry you're having a down day - I've had many of those. It's such a rough journey with so many unpredictable elements, it really feels like such a rollercoaster.
I'm sorry you got a negative on Christmas day - pretty disheartening. I had a BNF on Christmas eve once too, just so rubbish.
I just wanted to let you know that we had success on our 6th transfer after 4 egg collections / PGT-A testing / NK cells testing / ERA testing. I was 38 when it finally worked. There were many times that I felt it was never going to happen but each time we changed or added something until we found the key.
I know a lot of people on here have had success on 7 / 8 / 9 transfers and over the age of 40 too - so don't count yourself out just yet.
Holding a relationship together during IVF is really tough, sometimes it brought us closer together, sometimes I felt resentful that it was me going through all of the physical crap, sometimes he felt bad that he was just left out of everything. But you'll find a way through.
Thanks ❣️ I should probably have looked into additional testing by now but I find it all so exhausting and so end up being very avoidant about it all. I should have mentioned in the original post I've had one early miscarriage and 2 chemicals pregnancies - is this something NK cells testing and ERA testing might shed some light on? The issue doesn't seem to be implantation as I can get pregnant, I just don't stay pregnant 😔 xx
Aw I'm so sorry to hear that. I would imagine that these are more likely to be caused by chromosomal abnormalities rather than anything else. Have you thought about PGT-A testing? Although I have to add that I had an early miscarriage with a tested embryo so it's still not a silver bullet.
Its possible that your embryos are implanting then your immune system is fighting them off - the NK cells test would shed a bit of light if that were the case.
An ERA test is probably moot because as you say, if they are implanting then your window of implantation is likely spot on.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine how tough it must be. I know someone who found success on her 7th cycle, so please don't lose hope. That said, I completely agree with you and the previous poster—taking some time to focus on yourself and your recovery might help boost your chances. I understand your concerns about the biological clock, though, and getting one or even a few second opinions could open up new possibilities for you. By the way, the eggdonationfriends team offers free services for those who have faced multiple failures, so that might be worth looking into. Wishing you all the best on your journey 💛
Thanks ❣️ I suppose it's more frustrating not knowing what the issue is...all I know is I've had an early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies so I can get pregnant but can't stay pregnant 😔 I'm so mentally exhausted xx
I hope you’re doing ok. I honestly had had enough by transfer number 4 so hats off to you. I know people who have been lucky on transfer number 10. It’s so individual on whether you want to keep going or not. I don’t know if donor is an option for you but we went down that path due to age. We just wanted a family and honestly I don’t have one single regret xxx
So happy for you getting your happy outcome ❣️ there's been alot of back and forward in terms of decision making about going forward so perhaps the additional time over the next few months will help, I'm struggling with the idea of spending so much money for another failed round, the financial side is so unfair xx
hi my dear. I’m no so sorry to hear all this, it sounds hard- it is hard, I know it. I am very lucky to be pregnant on FET 7. So not all hope is lost.
All our tests have been normal, ‘undiagnosed infertility’, so nobody could understand why we had recurrent implantation failure. We were lucky that I responded (too) we’ll to drugs so got 26 eggs at EC which resulted in 11 freezable embryos. That’s the only way we kept going, because we’d paid up front for a package. (That EC was age 39.5).
I realllly think stress had an impact. I was working in a job I almost hated fur the 6 fails. I was almost at burnout crying everyday at work (not my days off, it was100% a work thing). I changed job & immediately felt so much better/calmer-my reflexologist said the same about how my stress felt in me too.
I also had sex the night before transfer 6 & 7 (6 was actually a chemical preg for 1 day). I read a RCT study from 2023 (google it, easy to find) that found better success having unprotected sex the night before transfer.
Good luck for the future, whichever way you choose to play it.
Ps, I had to break my husbands back to consent for our final transfer, he was so ‘done’. I did it all pretty solo (didn’t make a thing or take any drugs in front of him because I didn’t want him to be impacted too much), it actually helped me to do it this way. Xx
Thank you and congratulations ❣️ do chemical pregnancies count as implantation failure? I had a very early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies in the last 18 months. I was told by one doctor after my second failed round that I've just been unlucky....to me it feels more than that and that statement felt quite dismissive
Apart from reducing stress and having sec before transfer, is there any other lifestyle /diet changes you made? I'm considering trying dhea xx
I'm so sorry to hear this. I have had similar I had 4 failed transfers and then changed clinic and had investigations for failed implantation. Now I know ( I hope) why and can move onto getting it right next time. Don't lose hope. I have 7 collections in 4 years. I understand the disappointment etc. but channel it to hopefully find some answers. Fertility well being is so important I also used my clinic counsellors x
Thanks ❣️ I have a counselling session in a few weeks, I don't feel at this stage it will help but I hope it does. I feel like the only thing that is going to help my mood is having a successful pregnancy - it's so tiring
I've had a very early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies so I'm not sure implantation is the issue but not entirely sure xx
Issues and or recurrent miscarriage. Nk cells era and Alice tests are advisable. I hope you find something that helps. I found having holidays and breaks away from
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through—it’s such an incredibly heavy burden to carry, and your pain and doubt are completely valid. I just want to say that I understand some of the emotions you’re feeling, and I hope my story can offer a little bit of hope, even on such a difficult day.I went through multiple rounds of IVF myself and experienced several losses and heartbreaks along the way. There were moments when I felt exactly like you—exhausted, defeated, and wondering if it was worth trying again. I also had fears about my age, my relationship, and whether my dream of becoming a parent was slipping away.
But then, when I least expected it, I finally had success with a transfer, and I’m now pregnant with a little boy. It wasn’t an easy road, and like you, I struggled with feelings of jealousy, isolation, and despair when friends around me were building their families.
What I can tell you is that it’s okay to pause. It’s okay to take the time to heal emotionally and physically, to rebuild your relationship, and to decide what path feels right for you. Whether you choose to try again or take another path, your feelings are valid, and your journey is unique.
Even if you can’t see it today, there is still space for joy, connection, and fulfillment in your life, no matter how your story unfolds. Be kind to yourself in this moment—you’re carrying a weight that not everyone can understand. If you ever need someone to listen, know that you’re not alone, and your pain deserves to be heard and honored.
Thank you ❣️ I truly believe the only people who really understand are those that have been through it - I wouldn't wish the hurt and pain on my worst enemy. The rollercoaster is tiring and I'm questioning how much effort my partner is willing to put in as he's also tired and wants to take the break.
I've had an early miscarriage and 2 chemical pregnancies in 18 months so perhaps I should look into additional testing - it's just all so exhausting xx
I'm sorry to hear about your latest transfer. It really is very difficult to know what to do.
I just wanted to give you some hope because I had success on my 4th round of IVF and 8th transfer at the age of 41 so these things are possible but before that none of the transfers worked. For me, the drugs were tweaked on the last transfer (- I took buserelin I think even though it was a FET) and I think that's what made the difference. So, I agree, just doing the same thing again may not be the answer but if there are any suggested changes to the protocol your Doctors can recommend then that may be worth considering. Equally, I was worrying about how long it was sensible to keep going.
Thanks and congratulations ❣️ I have a consultation in March with a different clinic (only because I moved house) so will defo ask if they suggest any tweaks as I don't see the point in doing the same thing repeatedly (and paying so much money for it 😔) xx
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