How to build support around you during a cycle?

[lmno]

I'm struggling a lot this cycle - more than I expected. I know the drugs make me feel low and anxious but I'm feeling so lonely during the process, and pretty let down by friends and family. We've been through this many times before and were super lucky to have had my daughter (now 20 months) through a successful ICSE FET. We started a fresh cycle in June in the hopes of having a second.

It's different this time as my husband and I are both working full time and looking after my daughter, so I've been to all the appointments on my own. Maybe that's part of it as my husband feels really disconnected from it as we're so busy and he's not been to any of the appointments so I feel like I'm carrying it all on my own.

I also think I'm carrying a bit of trauma from previous rounds (multiple set-backs, failed cycles and a missed miscarriage). I knew all of that would make this round challenging.

But for some reason my friends and family have totally disappeared and I'm finding it super hard. No-one is checking in to see how I am and I'm honestly baffled about where my support system has gone. Maybe I need to reach out more? Maybe people think because we have my daughter it's not such a big deal this time? (To be fair I thought that too but so far I'm finding it just as hard as before).

Does anyone have any tips for how to build a support network around them during a cycle? I just feel totally alone and let down and wondering how I'm going to get through the next month without some sort of support.

[Hidden]

You are not alone. My husband 41 and I 43, he just told me that he doesn't want have a baby now, but look our ages, he said next year. He is the one who always wanted to have a baby on beginning of our relationship but now since we started the IVF he has changed, I need him to sign all the papers and he does but not happy he is not there for the consultation or talk about it. I'm paying for the treatment all by myself and I am alone, I chose not tell my family and friends for while, I don't want no one near me when I get the negative result. So I'll only tell them if I survive the two weeks waiting with a positive test.

Here, is in this site is where I am living my Ivf journey life ✨️

[lmno in reply to Hidden]

Oh I'm so sorry, that sounds like such a hard and lonely situation. Really hope this cycle works out for you and that you're able to find some positive sources for support x

[Hidden in reply to lmno]

Yes it's been hard and lonely but I prefer not tell my family just in case it's fail so I'll not have no one to make my sadness last longer. I really hope it's works as well 🙏🏼 and everything crossed for you here. Let's get it! X

[Bookbroad]

I was sorry to read your message but do understand. IVF can feel like a lonely process and it can be made worse if you feel let down by friends and family. I’m on my 6th transfer and I’ve felt the levels of support reduce over time, I think it’s hard for folks to keep it up and know what to say, especially after such a long period of time. My advice would be to find a buddy on here you can connect with. I’ve made a friend through here and we practically message every day and have even met up, she has been a lifeline and there is nothing quite like knowing you have someone who really gets what your going through and isn’t afraid to laugh and cry with you. I’ve also got one other friend who has been a rock. Is there someone special you can reach out to and explain how you’re feeling? A weekly vent and offload can really help if you have someone special who can be there for you and you trust. I started this journey very open and spoke to a lot of friends about what we were going through. I started to find this quite exhausting and so made an conscious choice to give a little less of myself to all my friends to preserve some privacy (I tend to be quite open but it can be too much even for me, especially when you’re having to explain quite complex things about IVF). This had helped and knowing I’ve got a few selected people by my side is all I need now. I hope you can find a few folk to support you during this time. Xx

[Hidden]

❤️