Feeling down

[Beckyboo1985]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here..I have just failed my first IVF cycle, found out yesterday as I came on my period a day early. I was due to test on Monday 5th Dec. I have hardly slept all night due to horrendous period pains and anxiety. I feel so low today and can't stop crying. We do have another try on the NHS but I'm so scared it won't work again and the thought of going through all of this again right now is too much. I'm also finding it really hard bevause my friends are all starting to try to conceive around me but for them they can conceive naturally. I feel like I'm sinking into a dark place and I don't like it..maybe the drugs are affecting me and I'm having a slight come down from them. I don't know...i hope I start to feel better soon x

[NDE1987]

Hey Hun I'm so sorry to hear this. I feel exactly like you. Spent all day crying yeatrtday as I was spotting and then last night I started bleeding more and got clots this morning. I also tested today and it was a negative. My test date is also on monday. My clinic have said to test on Monday still. I feell rubbish tbh I thought that ivf was really going to work for us. We don't have any more NHS goes as we wete only intulied to 1. Also didn't have any left to freeze so we are going to have to self fund it. My husband has been fantastic but I feel sorry for him as the issue is with me and my endometriosis. I'm only 29 years old and people keep telling me I'm young but my insides are not young I have a low amh of 8. Probably gone lower now

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to NDE1987]

Hey Hun,

Wow we are very similar..I don't have endo but I had blocked tubes, had one removed and the other one is still in but it's blocked and docs don't know what with we get 2 try's in this area which is good but the next town from here has just announced they're cutting funding completely! So awful. I really feel for you hun, I guess at least with self funding you can go for the best possible clinic that you can afford and best treatment. I'm not keen on my clinic to be honest, I need to find out if I can go somewhere else for my next go as wasn't too keen on the treatment I received by one of the nurses. She had zero empathy and I found it really upsetting, as if we don't have enough to deal with! It's really heartbreaking isn't it..I thought we had a really good chance too, everything was gong well, we also didn't have any Frosties either so will need to start again I'm having awful period pains, are you? Are you ok the crinone gel pessaries? 😩 Here if you need to talk xxx

[NDE1987 in reply to Beckyboo1985]

Our journeys are very similar! It's just horrible. I called my clinic again and they said to just come in for a review in January! Our clinic has been good but I also think we will be moving to another clinic and have a fresh start. This journey is such a hard one aand I don't know how to tell people that were trying but it's just not happening I have started getting sharp period pains to. I down regulated for a month so iv not had a period since September! It will come with a vengeance now lol x

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to NDE1987]

Oh no...it's just horrible..I've got awful cramps but laying on the sofa, looking at holidays for January at the moment! Defo need to get away I think! And can't even think about Xmas at the moment Rest up Hun, your not at work are you? I've taken the day off xx

[NDE1987 in reply to Beckyboo1985]

Lol my husband and I are looking for holidays to! I turn 30 next year so just want to get away!iv had the last 2 weeks off work and am due to go back on Monday which was meant to be my test date. But in a way it's a blessing I started today than my first day back at work. Having a yummy cup of tea and biscuits as iv not had sugar in 2 weeks! X

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to NDE1987]

It's the best thing to do! Where are you thinking of going? We're looking at Cape Verde at the moment. Yea that's good that it's happened before you went back to work! How comes you quit sugar? Xxx

[NDE1987 in reply to Beckyboo1985]

Were just looking at everything and anything at the moment lol. I thought I would be healthy for the 2ww and sugar isn't meant to be good so I ate loads of surgary things today. Hope your feeling better x

[Georgina78]

Hi Becky

Welcome to the forum, you've definitely come to the right place for support and helping you feel less alone. I know exactly how you feel as we have just failed our 3rd cycle and I also spent the night and this morning with horrendous pain, it's just another kick in the stomach after the failed cycle isn't it 😔

I also know how devastating it is for everyone around you seemingly falling pregnant with apparent ease (although we don't know that of course) I'm the only one of my friends without children, most having 2 or 3.

I think the medication can certainly affect your mood, but also just the whole rollercoaster that is this process can make us feel a whole range of emotions that we perhaps haven't before and that scare us. That seems to be something we all feel on here so be sure to let it all out when you can, you certainly won't be alone. I hope you start feeling a little brighter, be kind to yourself and I hope 2017 is a good year for us xx

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to Georgina78]

Ah thank you for the lovely welcome Georgina..I'm sorry to hear your cycle has failed too I can't even imagine doing another cycle yet so cant imagine what you must be going through Do the doctors ever explain what they think might be going wrong? Have you had any testing done? I was thinking I might pay to try some of the add ons that are supposed to be helpful such as the NK cell testing and the gene testing...I'm looking at booking a holiday for Jan at the mo, think we need a break before we try again..hope your ok, I'm just laying on sofa with hot water botttle it's really easing the pain xx

[Georgina78 in reply to Beckyboo1985]

It is hard, it's the hope that keeps you going I think. I certainly never thought I'd be able to keep going (a friend had 8 cycles and I definitely think that now) but somehow you do. I also never thought I'd be 'this person' so focused on this one thing 😕

I haven't had any tests but I am concerned it's my endometriosis that's preventing it, we were considering NK testing but we're just really confused now after watching the panarama programme.

A holiday is definitely a good idea to feel like yourselves again, my sister lives abroad so we're going to see her in January.

I feel much better than this morning thanks, hope you do too..what would we do without hot water bottles 😬 Xx

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to Georgina78]

Wow your friend is a strong lady! Did she get her BFP in the end? I haven't seen that programme yet but I will watch it when I feel a little better..I've heard it's interesting. Not looking forward to calling my clinic on Monday with my result Xx

[Georgina78 in reply to Beckyboo1985]

She did, he's 6 months now and it's like he's the one who was meant to be here 💙It's so hard not knowing how much more you can take but when you see first hand what happened for someone who never gave up..its a tough one. Big hugs to you xx

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to Georgina78]

Aw that's nice, bless her. Thanks Hun, all the best to you too xxxx

[City74]

Really sorry to hear this. I just wanted to wish all the very best for whatever you decide to do next. Hope you can take good care of yourself. xx

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to City74]

Ah thanks so much xx

[allieb21]

Hey my love,

I know how hard it is. I tested negative Monday after my first cycle but I knew was negative after my period came on time 4 days before!!!!

I cried loads even before that as I just knew it hadn't worked. Only stop crying a few days ok.

Been back for consultation today to talk to doctor for closure and next steps.

Where you based Hun x

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to allieb21]

Ah same as me..I cried days before as i just knew I was due on...I know my body so well Its rough this IVF malarkey! I'm based in Leigh on sea in Essex, what about you?xx

[Booboo10]

Hello there, just read your post and I'm in the same position. Just had my first cycle and it hasn't worked. I haven't cried (yet) but I'm trying to process the sadness (which is why I'm reading through these posts I guess).

It helps to know that others understand how it feels. I'm 43 in a month so I'm preparing myself for acceptance that it may not happen. It's so hard after focussing on ivf for such a long time; injections, diet, vitamins, scans - it all felt like progress and a focus. Now I feel a little lost.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble - just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

Sending love x

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to Booboo10]

Hey Hun..

Sorry to hear it hasn't worked for you either..it's so hard to take in isn't it If you need a good cry let it out..I feel better for it now. We really do have to grieve, it's a strange feeling I think but in a way it's like losing something that wasn't there in the first place if that makes sense. What's your plan for the future? Are you gonna have a break before trying again? Xx

[ditsy999]

Hi Becky,

I am so sorry your first cycle failed. I understand how you feel. My 1st and only NHS funded cycle failed in August and I am preparing to start my injections for my next Self funded cycle at the end of this month. I know its hard but it does get better, give yourself time to grieve. When you feel ready, you can start your next NHS funded cycle . .Big hugs xxx

[Beckyboo1985 in reply to ditsy999]

Ah thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Need to try and sort myself out and snap out of it! Hope your ok and wishing you the best of luck for your next cycle! Xx