How do you deal with everyone around ... - Fertility Network UK

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How do you deal with everyone around you having babies

JenRoy profile image

In October my youngest sister announced she was pregnant, an "accident" but her 4th baby. In November my other sister told me she was pregnant. Then in December it was my husband's sister in law and then 2 weeks ago my sister in law. So that's all my sisters/sisters in law pregnant and due May, June, July and August. And then two very close friends told me they were pregnant around Xmas/NY time.

My husband and I are heartbroken but just about to start IVF. We've been trying for 2.5 years but no luck.

We're keeping our distance from our families as we need to concentrate on ourselves but it doesn't half hurt! :( And I feel I have no one to talk to as both sets of grandparents are super excited about the new babies.

Trying to stay positively but it's so hard when we feel so unlucky.

16 Replies

Aaargh this is so hard. I guess I’ve coped with everyone around me having children by firstly making myself be excited and interested in all the babies and secondly by getting some hobbies so I can make new friends that aren’t all about babies and spend time doing things that aren’t child-focused. It’s not ideal but I cope. It is easier once the babies actually arrive so you don’t have to be talking pregnancy with everyone. It’s rubbish though isn’t it?

So true that it's easier to chat baby than pregnancy. Pregnancy chat is the worst! I'm now 39 and have seen so many friends, colleagues and family members get pregnant and have babies. I've generally coped fine, in fact it's not really bothered me until this year. Just never thought I'd have to deal with both sisters and sisters-in-law being pregnant simultaneously! But you're right...I can cope, I will cope and just need to stay positive 🤞🍀xx

I’m 39 too. I am planning a fabulous 40th party to help make me feel positive about it... and I’ve given everyone lots of notice so they can get babysitters, but several people have already had to say they will be unable to come as they will just have had babies...

Life can be unfair at times & you just seem to be right in the middle of it, I'm sorry that you have to go through that 💕. Just remember that you are both not alone, we are all here for you & understand exactly what you are feeling. Just come on here & rant whenever you need to let it out & we will be here! Ivf is a tough journey, however we all find the strength to get through. In my experience I find dealing pregnancy announcements & seeing pregnant family, friends worse than when they actually have their baby (weird) , so I tend to keep my distance whilst they are pregnant! I know this will not be easy for you, but your other half will be there too & you have each other to lean on 💕. Stay strong & take care Xx

Thank you 😘. It's a real boost just knowing you're all out there and totally understand how we're feeling. I've got a brilliant other half who is a great support so we're in it together 😊. Good luck with your IVF journey x

Seee profile image
Seee in reply to JenRoy

Good luck with your journey xx

It’s so difficult. I totally understand your feelings. Keep up those positive thoughts and believe it can happen for you too. Hopefully you will soon be announcing your pregnancy news too 😘 xx

JenRoy profile image
JenRoy in reply to Dunla

Thanks so much. Definitely feeling more positive hearing from you all! Xx

Dunla profile image
Dunla in reply to JenRoy

The lovely ladies on here have helped me feel so much more positive and supported in general. We all need a safe place to share our feelings with others who understand xx

hey lovely, dealing with both sisters & sisters in law pregnant at same time is incredibly tough. i hope you are able to dig deep & find the strength to get through the next few months. you’re in good company here - i think most of us can relate to the feeling of “when will it be me?”

totally agree that confronting pregnancy is much harder than the actual baby.

my sister announced her “accidental” pregnancy in october. her first baby was through first round of ivf & she fell pregnant again naturally within a year. amazing story for us battling infertility, but it’s really affected our relationship.

sounds like you & your hub are a strong team - hold each other tight. i hope it’s your time soon.

sending positive vibes ✨💕✨

Thanks for the positive vibes, really grateful 😊. And thanks for sharing about your sister.

I feel so guilty that it's affecting my relationship with my sisters and also my mum. My mum is stuck between being excited for my 2 sisters but worried about me. I can't help but distance myself.

But hearing from you all makes me excited to be starting our IVF journey...

It’s defineitely so difficult. And I’m sure everyone else is the same, some days I can deal with it others it destroys me. I think if your honest to people that can help (only to my close friends/family) and actually they also feel bad. I think also being kind to yourself if u don’t wanna see them/ go and celebrate don’t. I have learnt the hard way as always trying to please others, I even went to a baby announcement of the sex of the baby on the day we found out that IVF was our only option, looking back it was a terrible decision as didn’t enjoy it and was incredibly quiet and uncomfortable. So put yourself first if u don’t wanna see people don’t, if they are true friends/ family they will understand!

And I’ve just started my first cycle so mxiture if feelings. Hopefully yours will come soon too xx

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You are not alone hold onto that thought even tho it must seem so hard right now!! I think it's good to keep your distance as you need to put yourself first and be kind to yourself. I feel like all the women on here are warriors and so strong when faced with what we are going through, stay strong and focus on yourself you deserve it xxx

I get friends not telling me they are pregnant and sometimes i think its that we drifted a part because they have kids or because they dont want to hurt my feelings. I feel comments like 'dont you want your own' 'putting career first are you' 'when are you both going to have a baby' irritating. I do feel it because they had it easier than we have they dont fully understand the process. Im aware some people dont mean to be hurtful. My friend who had her baby on IVF is an amazing mother and those of us that make it wont take it for granted. I am also not saying that none IVF parents arent as good but i think all this work to have a baby helps apeciate it when it happens and those who know your journey will apreciate the hard road you took. My husbands ex partner is the worse as she loves to throw out that im not a parent regarding my steppies but its been easier lately. I hope your be alright and cyber hug to you. ☺☺☺


Wish you positivity around!

It is really tough to observe all such.

You are right dear.

How can anyone with such loneliness cope with all these?

This is not the thing that we are jealous or insecure.

But this emptiness hurts.

Each one around kept asking about your family and you have nothing but hopes and silence.

This is really tough times. But so good to know that you are looking for IVF.

It’s been two months for your comments I would wish to know about your progress.

I am a surrogacy girl! I am hoping that this also brings out something good for me.

Good luck and baby dust to you.

BTW where are you now with your procedure?

JenRoy profile image
JenRoy in reply to jessica61

Thanks for your lovely reply. We had our egg collection yesterday. It went well and we got the phonecall today to say 8 eggs have fertilised. So we’re delighted but keeping realistic as we know some won’t make it much further. Now keeping everything crossed that our embies keep growing. We’ve been very fortunate to have got this far! Just hoping and praying. Nothing we can do now but keep everything crossed.

I decided to open up more to my family, especially my sisters, and friends about our IVF. It’s helped a lot although I still find it hard to get involved in the pregnancy chat.

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