This was such a much wanted and loved baby. My husband and I were excited but terrified to lose her. Turns out that I lost him which feels like I am dying in slow motion. I am still a high risk pregnancy so now my parents are moving in to take care of me since I physically cannot take care of myself, our two dogs and the house. The family vibe that my husband and I built together in the house is replaced with a horrible new reality that I wish I could wake up from. It looks the same but feels empty. This is not what we wanted for our daughter.
My husband will never get to hold her or be more than photos and stories to her. This is beyond devastating to me. I am in professional counselling and my counsellor has explained it it normal to lose excitement over the baby and that it may still not come back after the birth. This also horrifies me. I feel like I am failing her and my husband would be so upset with me.
My fear and grief for the future alone raising our little girl is all consuming. Please tell me that I can do this. I am grateful (but so scared) that I have a part of my beloved husband in the form of our daughter - but I have so long to go until she is here safe. And even then I'm told that the excitement and bonding may not occur given the trauma I am going through. Does anyone have stories of moving past grief to find joy in a new born? I am due to bring her home on Christmas eve and will be stopping by the cemetery to show her to her daddy before I come home alone. Will I be able to smile?
Written by
Belangalo
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I’m so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. It’s still very early in the grief process, I have no experience of losing a partner but I have lost a parent and all I can tell you is that the saying time heals is true, slowly you will get through each day and you move from raw grief to something manageable, and on from there. Don’t beat yourself about your feelings they are all normal and part of your brain processing and learning to deal with the situation you find yourself in. Surround yourself with loving friends and family, you will be ok and your little one will ok. Send lots of love
A movie that might be inspiring is Jack and Sarah (with Richard Grant). Don't be too hard on yourself. You'll probably find yourself greatly attached to your daughter once you recognise elements of your husband in her. It's like not losing all of him. He left you his daughter. You can do this. You will be able to smile. In fact, a smile will come totally natural to you, all of a sudden, and you will find it as surprising as that positive pregnancy test. Joy is tenacious. Just give it time, and trust yourself. You can do this.
I am sorry for your loss, I know it’s hard and One of my best friend went through what you are going through right now. You will be be able to smile again. You have the support of the family which is priceless and your daughter will be the most amazing life miracle around you.
Right now future is uncertain, but it applies to everyone. We don’t know or have the answers for what is coming, we just have to embrace it with courage.
Life is a learning journey, you can do this.. Think about that little angel that comes to this life to be next to you to teach you about motherhood and trust. Try not to think about what could have happened if….. but look inside yourself for strength.
Hello.I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know you and I don't have experience of this - but I know you can absolutely do this.
It is completely normal and understandable to be feeling the way you are and fearing for your future.
Just take one day at a time, let yourself be looked after by your family and just know you are stronger than you think you are and you are loved.
I am sure you will smile again and be excited again.... it will take time. For now though, don't put any pressure on yourself - you are not letting anyone down at all, you are grieving...
Glad to hear your parent are moving in ….. you need them to keep the house running whilst you breathe and hurt 😢 in a bit hopefully you’ll be thankful they are there 😘💐💐💐💐 hold tight 💐💐💐💐
I really how as the weeks go on you will still to get your excitement back. Life is a cruel sometimes. With loss it will never be as bad as when it first happen and you will gradually adapt to life without your husband and with your daughter! I wish you so much love and strength and peace xxxx
I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult and you must be so desensitised to everything / overwhelmed that losing the joy in pregnancy makes perfect sense. So glad you have your parent’s support. You can do this and they will help you. It took me a few weeks to bond with my son as I had a traumatic delivery. But then they smile around 6 weeks and it just happens. You can do this. Sending love.
I have no words of wisdom at all, but I just wanted to say that humans are incredible creatures, and I have every belief that you will be able to do this. You have inner reserves that you can't even comprehend right now (and don't need to, as you are grieving and need to allow yourself that process and uncertainty), and when you bring your daughter home it will be you two against the world and that will have its own beauty. You can do this xx
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