Coping with miscarriage

[Faffiesocks]

Hi everyone,

I never thought this would be my first post but I got my first ever BFP with my 3rd FET, we transferred our last 2 embryos and have just been for my seven week scan to find that I have miscarried 💔

I knew yesterday really as I had really bad cramps and started seeing light brown discharge, the scan just confirmed it.

- How do you get through this agonising heart ache?

- How do you find strength to start all over again with a new cycle?

- How do you navigate work when miscarrying?

Thank you for any and all responses 😢

[Skittles11]

I'm really sorry to see your news. It is awful to go through this. I have had 3 losses of different natures and it is a very difficult and upsetting space to be in. I would say just go easy on yourself, get through each day at a time, do small things that bring you some small sense of happiness e.g. if you like pizza, treat yourself to one. Cry if that feels right, let your emptions out. Some people also find counselling is helpful, does your clinic offer this? With starting again, I would say it is about giving yourself a little bit of time. I know in the fertility world this is not easy but rushing back in can be hard too because it is all very raw. In terms of work, you can get signed off and you can ask the doctor not to be specific if you do not want to share the reason e.g. they can state gynecological issue. X x

[CyclingAddict]

Sorry you're going through this. How I coped was giving myself time to grieve. It's a very real loss, so be kind to yourself. If you need a good cry or scream into a pillow, go for it. I also found it useful to stay away from social media. The last thing you want to see when you've experienced a miscarriage is seeing baby pictures or baby announcements. And, finally, do all the things you can't do while pregnant. Whether that's going on a foreign/active holiday, going to a spa and trying out all the saunas, or going out on a fancy date and drink some wine. Whatever you want to do, do it. I'm quite an active person so doing challenges, like running a marathon or signing up for a duathalon helped me as I knew those were things I enjoy but couldn't do while pregnant.

Also, take your time. Don't feel like you have to rush back into treatment. The one positive that came out of my miscarriage was that it proved that I could get pregnant after multiple failed transfers. I waited 6 months, to give myself a much needed break, before trying again with PGT-A tested embryos and I'm now 25 weeks pregnant.

I was lucky with work in the fact that my colleagues were really understanding, so my boss knew about my miscarriage. I understand that not everyone's work is like that, however. My work allowed me to take whatever time off I needed to attend appointments or go to counselling, as long as I got my work done. So I suppose it depends on the culture in your workplace and how comfortable you are opening up to them. I should also add that, when I started IVF, I sent my colleagues (I worked in a small team) some short YouTube videos explaining the IVF process and how it mentally impacts the women going through it. They responded really well to it and it actually got one of my colleagues to open up with how they were suffering from post-natal depression.

Hope this helps and good luck X

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

So sorry to read your post - thinking of you Do not be too hard on yourself and allow yourself time to grieve Might be an idea to take advantage of the counselling appointment you should be offered while receiving treatment

Look after yourself

Janet-Partner