Trying to be excited and happy for my... - Fertility Network UK

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Trying to be excited and happy for my brother!

Ajplus1 profile image
18 Replies

So my sister in law and my brother are expecting. When I found out it upset me a little, a bit of sadness, jealously you name it, who knows. I just want it to be our time!

Anyway I found out about 2 months ago and today they sent my mum a balloon to reveal the gender. It’s a boy. I should be happy and excited for them I really should. But what did I do when I came home from work and told my OH what they were having. Broke down in tears.... I’m blaming the extra hormones from my IUI cycle and the 2WW we’re currently in. I should be excited but I can’t be :(

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Ajplus1
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18 Replies
aamiller405 profile image
aamiller405

Hi.. sorry youre having a rough time! Im such a lot of us on here can relate.. these feelings are so normal when youre struggling with infertility.

My fake happiness for pregnancy reveals has been well practised. Esp in your 2WW of course youll be more sensitive.. but i have no doubt that when your little nephew comes along youll love him to bits xo

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to aamiller405

I am sure I will too. I will fake it until it comes naturally I know I’ll love him im just having a moment xx

Sending you a big hug, just remember what your feeling is perfectly normal in òur situations, be kind to yourself xx

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to

Thank you xx

I dreaded pregnancy announcements. It’s so heartbreaking isn’t it. It’s not about not being happy for others; it’s sadness it’s not happened for you yet. I think it brings it into focus how much you want this ☹️ if you need to distance yourself that is okay. I’ve had to do that many times.

We saw every friend & family member have babies & wondered if it would ever be our turn, but we got there in the end & so will you.❤️

Once the baby is born it will become easier ( I found babies easier than pregnancies) & Aunty love will take over 💙✨you will have a special bond with your nephew 💙

I hope you will have happy news to share with your close family soon & you will be celebrating your happy news ❤️✨ Keep believing your time will come ✨❤️💗

Wishing you a successful cycle 🤞🏻✨❤️ xoxo

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to

Thank you very much for your kind words. Just having a moment lol. Hopefully we get our time soon xxx

Militarywife7 profile image
Militarywife7

I went through this exact scenario a few weeks ago with my sister in law announcing their pregnancy. It makes it more emotional when its closer to home, and I too burst into tears and cried all day. It was more for the future of myself and my partner and whats ahead of us and we are starting IVF soon. Some couples are really lucky to conceive early, but others struggle in silence and don't reveal issues until later on. My sister in law had issues too and was really lucky to conceive, where as im still in the process. A few weeks later im in a more positive mind-frame and im happy they got their positive result. But its normal to feel despair and all these other emotions. You just need to focus on your own journey and realise that their path is different to yours x

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to Militarywife7

I know. Thank you for your kind words. I wish you the best of luck on your path xx

JulieOcean2 profile image
JulieOcean2

Have been in this position myself but definitely agree with what Jess1981 says once the baby comes you’ll feel so much better. I couldn’t look at a pregnant person without feeling deflated xx

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to JulieOcean2

I think I definitely will too :) xx

Vicky-01 profile image
Vicky-01

We found out my brother and sister In law were pregnant just after our failed fet, I found the pregnancy really difficult and got upset after seeing them but once I met my niece we both love her to bits, I think the fear of the unknown was the worst part and once she arrived it became much easier.

This road is a really tough one and you have to put yourselves first, don't feel guilty for not feeling happy, easier said than done I know, I felt guilty about how I felt .

Take care of each other and good luck with your tww x

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to Vicky-01

Thank you. We will definitely take care of each other x

Starryeyes1984 profile image
Starryeyes1984

Please don’t beat yourself up about feelings that you can’t help. They’re perfectly natural and it doesn’t mean you don’t love them and won’t love your nephew. My brother and his girlfriend announced their unplanned pregnancy a month before I got my wonderful Amh result of 0.1 and was told I was pretty much no chance of having my own biological children. And for good measure we had to tell our families the bad news and go to their shotgun wedding the same week. It was really hard to put a smile on my face. I felt sick with jealousy and grief. But I can’t even tell you how much I love my nephew! Once he was born it all melted away. He’s such an adorable ray of sunshine and actually gave me hope about having my own baby one day, even though it will be through egg donation. Be kind to yourself even if you’re having negative feelings. I really think everyone has them, I certainly do. You won’t always feel this way.

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to Starryeyes1984

I know you’re right, I will definitely love him when he’s here and be happy for them.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through such a rough journey ttc. One day you will get your own beautiful baby, we all will xx

Sending you a huge hug, I had a similar situation - I had (ironically) put ttc on hold for over a year as my sister was having trouble conceiving and having ivf... she ended up pregnant and I ended up getting pregnant as soon as I had ‘the all clear’ that she was.. only to have a MC. Several years later I am still having ivf and in the throes of my second Mc and she’s a complaining mum of a 6 month old

It hurt so much initially - she was so insensitive and never worried about what I felt and complained all the way through her pregnancy and even now is complaining about lack of sleep whilst I wait to MC but that’s just our relationship

What I would say is ( long winded sorry) I thought I would struggle when my nephew was born but I loved him and felt elation the second he arrived and despite what I am going through haven’t hesitated to see him twice a week because he’s amazing. I have an issue with pretty much every baby and pregnant woman on the planet (!) but I love him so much - you will be ok I promise. Hoping this is your time good luck for your BFP xx

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through another MC sending lots of love and hugs! Xx

ClareM86 profile image
ClareM86

I have had the same happen.

My brother is younger then me and it came as a total shock as they had never even mentioned wanting children. I was an utter mess after he left my house having told me.

Our time will come. ❤️

Ajplus1 profile image
Ajplus1 in reply to ClareM86

It definitely will hun ❤️

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