Doubts and dealing with stress

[Jam-master]

I always find people here so helpful so I’m looking for advise. I started my 3rd FET last week, had my prostap and go for my baseline scan next week. Over the weekend I suddenly started stressing so much. It’s our last chance, our last embryo, I worry so much. The next few weeks are going to be hard emotionally and I have doubts that I’ll manage.

We have an amazing 3 year old from ICSI and I know that I take my worry and stress out on my husband and him, I’m quite quick to shout and get stressed easily. It’s not every day but I’m just wondering how others deal with this kind of thing?

I have started using the mindful IVF app and I go for walks as often as I can but I’d appreciate any other suggestions xx

[Lovemylion]

Hi. I can relate to the stress of how your feeling ( we also are incredibly lucky to have an ICSI baby boy) we had our 2 remaining embryos transfered back in October in the hope for a sibling.Hubby wanted to stop then so I felt an enormous amount of pressure for it to work and my anxiety was completely unmanageable and I felt like I was losing the plot. I wasnt very tolerant at all and generally upset with my family. Which wasn't healthy for anyone. It unfortunately ended in an early mc.

Hubby did then agree to do a multi cycle package as I couldn't cope with the "last chance" when I wasnt ready to give up. If you aren't intending on having any more IVF, my advice would be to try and carry on with life as normal (that is what my acupuncturist told me recently to do and actually recommended having one glass of wine a week if thats what u enjoy. He said being super stressed and trying to follow a super strict diet is much less beneficial than having the odd glass of wine and cup of coffee......but limit it)

It might be worth talking to a counsellor to find peace with whatever outcome may happen. It's completely out of your control.

Wishing you lots of luck xxxxx

[Jam-master]

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. I do feel like I’m loosing the plot a bit! I am trying to carry on with life as normal as possible, I think that helps. We just put so much pressure on ourselves!

Good luck with your cycle xxx

[Lovemylion in reply to Jam-master]

Yeh it's hard isn't it. I've just annihilated my nails in 10 mins from my mind wandering to the what ifs of this next round. I'm now going outside for some fresh air and plant up my new flowers. Nature is the best distraction. I have got an IVF diary which is really nice with lots of quotes and distractions to help you through it all. It makes u focus on the positives of life.....and brings me down to earth and makes me realise how lucky I already I am for everyone in my life, especially my lb. And by the end of it....I can feel my desperation and anxiety easing. Xxx

[Jam-master in reply to Lovemylion]

Yeah I’ve been for a walk this morning which has helped, and I’ve taken a few days off work to try and get my head geared up for the next few weeks.

That diary sounds good, I think that’s what I need, just some quotes to ground me. I think just thinking about the actual current day and trying not to get ahead of myself should help too, I’ll try!xx

[Lovemylion in reply to Jam-master]

It's called The IVF fertility planner.....I'd recommend. Bit pricy but it's lovely to write in. Xxx

[Jam-master in reply to Lovemylion]

I’ve just ordered it! It’ll be a positive distraction to scribble in and will feel like I’m doing something positive, thank you xx

[Jam-master in reply to Lovemylion]

My book came today! Think it’ll take some getting used to looking at the positive to things, not that I’m pessimistic but just don’t normally think that way! Plus a thing to make me happy every day, that’s hard!

[Lovemylion in reply to Jam-master]

I write something simple like a good cup of coffee, my favourite food-lasagne, my partner cooking, a bath.....nothing too crazy! X

[Jam-master in reply to Lovemylion]

Good idea! Thanks 🙂

[Maui2020]

Hey, I’m in a similar position to you. I’m getting close to my “last chance” for a sibling too and I know my anxieties will become 10 fold. I’ve struggled as I’ve found my support bubble dwindle a little. Friends and close family treat the whole thing more trivially as they think it’s a given it will work, just because it has once before. Some also think I should just give up if it’s causing this much stress, which I think we all know is not helpful. I’ve needed to take time out for myself many times, I’ve never meditated so much, I’ve not been overly strict and restrictive, and I’ve kept all outside pressure to a minimum. Lockdown has helped as I don’t have to deal with anything else but it also doesn’t provide a lot of distraction! Just wanted to say good luck xx

[Jam-master in reply to Maui2020]

Thank you I appreciate the reply. To be honest I almost was a bit trivial about doing it again but this is my 3rd attempt so I know that’s not the case. I think some people supporting is always good but nobody really understands what it’s like or what your going through. Good luck to you too xx