Preparing for FET and not sure how to... - Fertility Network UK

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Preparing for FET and not sure how to deal with terminally ill mom


Hi Ladies

Sorry in advance for the rant but I feel i have to let it out.

I’ve just started downregulation for our next FET and was quite calm about it. But things are again hitting the roof !

My mom has been struggling with cancer for a few years now and it seems to have suddenly gotten worse very quickly 😓 they told us last month she would have a year left but she is not handling her last chimio well at all and I am no worried she might not even make it to Christmas (or worse) I might be wrong and I think we will no more next week but it’s hard.

Especially since we don’t live close to each other (am French and my parents live in the South of France). I was there for 2 weeks in July , my sister stayed a while as well.

I keep telling my dad I’m coming back but at the moment she prefers to stay on her own :( i might go anyway for a couple of days next week.

I thought of pushing the FET again (cancelled last Transfer in June / July ...) but we decided to go ahead not knowning how long will it take.

I ve been ok stress level wise until today... i was even quite positive !!! but now i m worried that s it s going to get worse in the coming weeks and that stress will affect the outcome of the FET. Seeing her so weak and knowing the outcome is terrible. (Pre periods is also not helping ...)

It might just be the chimio that is knocking her out and once thats done she’ll be less sick & will be able to have the last few months of her life without treatment or too much pain... we just dont know, hence we decided not to delay our FET... she also wanted us to go ahead with it.

Anyway, sorry for the rant and depressing Monday message.... after 3,5 of TTC numerous treatments, failures and bad news, i’m starting to loose my 🤬🤯😰

Sending much love to all xxx

13 Replies

Hey, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through so much at the moment - no wonder you’re massively stressed!! Hopefully your mum will start feeling less sick once she’s done this round of chemo.

I’m not sure I can offer much advice apart from you should do what’s best for you. If you think you can get through your FET with everything going on, then it might give your whole family a boost. That said, the added stress isn’t something you need right now!

It’s such a tough decision for you to make. I’m sure whatever you decide to do will be the best thing though.

I’m sorry I’ve not been much use, but didn’t want to read and run!

Sending you all the love in the world 💕 I hope things start getting a bit easier for you soon xxxxxx

AlexHoBo in reply to Caza2009

Thank you so much for your supporting words. I would love to be able to tell my mom it worked before she passes which makes me want to go ahead with it!!

So at the moment I m still going ahead... day 2 of Buserelin... meditation and pilates help as stress reliefs 😬

Wishing you luck for your FET !!!!🌈🌈🌈


Caza2009 in reply to AlexHoBo

Ahhh I’m glad you’re going to press ahead with your FET! I’ll keep my fingers firmly crossed for a BFP 🤞🏼that would be such amazing news for you and your ma! 😊

I’m 3 weeks into buserelin with oestrogen patches now thrown into the mix - hoping for ET end of next week.

Sending you loads of luck, keep us all posted xxxxxx

Bless you that must be so difficult I hope the Drs can stabilise your Mum and ensure she is comfortable whatever happens I think you were right to go ahead life is so very unpredictable but it would be lovely if you had some good news to give your mum I hope it works for you x

AlexHoBo in reply to Autumnmoon

Thank you 🙏🏻 xx

I’m so sorry to read about what you’re going through with your Mum. It must be so hard on you all. I hope you’re able to continue with your fet and with all the upset you’re dealing with, that you’ll soon have a reason to smile. Sending best wishes for your Mum xx

AlexHoBo in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you @tugsgirl !!!! Keeping strong for now :)

Good luck to you with the stims and sending lots of baby dust xx

Gosh, you’ve got a lot going on. Have you spoken to the clinic about how the situation with your Mum might affect things? The main thing I’d be worried about would be dates clashing meaning you couldn’t be with your mum when you need to or that you have to cancel your transfer at the last minute. If you are still young it may be worth postponing?

AlexHoBo in reply to WaywardGirl

Yeah I know ... bit much right? 🤯🤯🤯

The docs told me it was up to me... last june they cancelled the transfer because they were not entirely sure when i ovulated and then agreed a bit of a break would be good.

Am 38 with Low AMH and only 4 in the freezer.... and the issue is that we just don’t know how long this can last. Hopefully it’s the chemo that is mean to her and once she stops she ll be able to recover and be more comfortable for some time. Xx

WaywardGirl in reply to AlexHoBo

I’d press on I think. I am 41 and keep getting told how much harder it all is after 40.

No advice just lots of sympathy and love x

Thank you 🙏🏻 I hope you’ll find better for the rest of your pregnancy. Look after yourself xxx

Im so sorry to hear about your mum, it must be so very hard! I really hope your mum picks up after she completes her chemo. I went ahead with my FET even although we had crappy news hanging over us....I thought a happy ending would actually give everyone a boost if we got one. Although it didnt work again I dont have any regrets....if Im honest Im starting to think that this either works or doesnt and all the old wives tales of things to do, not to do are just that...old wives tales. Its just one big bloody unfair lottery if you ask me!

Wishing you loads of luck, it is hard not to lose your sh!t doing this at the best of times!! Huge hugsxxx

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