What do I do with my life

Morning everyone.. yes 5 in the morning and I feel sick and tired and in pain coz of stupid AF.. wide awake. . Feels like head is going to burst with questions and pure mess. . Second failed cycle.. who would think that.. most of u girls have bit different situation and thats marriage.. when two ppl get married then try for baby and it's no happening then find out one is problem after some time.. I am in relationship 6 years and my partner got 4 kids from previous relationship he got divorced even got his marriage annuled in Rome so we could get married in Catholic church.. I knew from day one I met him that he had vasectomy done years ago and just went into relationship with risk that we will somehow get there and get family together x vasectomy reversal failed.. first ivf chemical.. second failed.. we had no money so took loan and will pay for it another 10 year.. doctors said we were good candidates coz of my age and good health.. also my job is making me feel low boss is heartless and giving me hard time for bn off really don't feel like go back there and at the moment feel like run away from this.. only got my sister here with me rest of family is miles away.. and feel like close the door and never look back. But I love my partner and we r great together... he keeps saying I would be better of with someone normal.. but I ask myself would I be happier with maybe some cheat and alcoholic or arrogant guy who would give me baby.. or I will give it all I can and try again and again to have family with my partner.. I keep thinking he can't feel the same as me having 4 kids will never understand how it feels to have none.. but I know he is heartbroken and blames himself so much for his past decisions and wants to marry me and have family so much.. I have no idea what to do where to start to make changes for better future... sorry for long post I needed to get it out and maybe get some opinions about my next step .. x good luck to all in 2ww I really hope u get two lines on your tests and happy pregnancies x

13 Replies

  • Sorry to hear your sad news. I know exactly how you feel we have had our 2nd failed attempt 3 wks ago. It is so heartbreaking as you really hope that the 2nd time it will work. i have found it hard to get over this time but slowly by speaking to family and friends about it im getting through it plus my husband has been amazing. Have you thought of counselling to help you go through things and help you find your way through it. It may help your partner to go also as you hurt just as much as each other. Its unfortunate with your partners situation but im sure if you just had another man you wouldnt feel good about it, but i can understand how that thought can pop into your head. Dont give up hope, you could always adopt and think how much of a difference you could make to a childs life giving them the loving, caring home they may not have had. I hope this helps, but feel free to keep in touch if i can help. Take care and try and keep positive xx

  • I too am so very sorry to hear about the situation you are in at the moment and know how hard life can seem at times when the only thing you want is the one thing that seems out of reach. But the thing that comes across in your post is how much love you have for your partner and how much he clearly adores you. This is very very special and something many people search for all their lives. I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom but try taking things one day at a time and maybe counselling will help you to process everything and come up with a plan.

    Thinking of you and sending love and support your way. Xx

  • Whatever you do don't even think about finding some other guy for the sake of a baby - you have a lovely man and that's wonderful. Donor sperm, ICSI, etc - get some good advice and you still have lots of options. Don't keep doing IVF without getting proper investigation and asking the right questions first. It might not be the right treatment for you. Watch Professor Robert Winston on player - yesterday's "This Morning" TV - he talks all about this stuff and is one of the world's top fertility experts. Focus on the good things and then make a plan with the right advice behind it. Good luck!

  • Hi, sounds really tough for you. Sending you BIG hugs...

    What about adoption? Have you ever thought about it? It really works for some people. Just like having your own flesh and blood. XXX

  • Morning Miroslava I'm really sorry for u 😔 You really got lots of love for your partner and that amazing thing . I only had one cycle of IVF in March . Long time since then but my hubby make decision to wait even so that we want so much to have a baby . My hubby is good maybe even better now keep taking vitamins 😃 Me ovulating every month having regular period the only down side is that I got only one tube . What I'm try to say Miroslava that reading your previous posts u had top Quality embryo . Grade A is the top one and didn't work for u 😔😔 Like Dianahill wrote try to watch what Doc Robert Winston is saying about IVF . Maybe IVF is not the right treatment for u . Push them to investigate more and it work out cheaper . I'm trying to push my GP to have internal ultrasound and dye test to check if my tube is still ok . I want to make sure that they gonna do another few test to check if I'm ok ....well I dont know how long gonna take for them to do it but I'm gonna wait . Then if my tube is fine we gonna thing what should we do next. Please try to watch on itv "this morning " this Thursday one and have a moment to thing Hun .

  • I'm sorry that you are going through this. Having a failed cycle is never easy. Please don't make any big decisions about your life for a few months. Allow yourself time to grieve. Because what has happened is huge. And as my entire family lives in a different country than me, I know how lonely it is. 7 out of 8 cycles failed for us, 2 of them were chemical pregnancy one of which had to have medical intervention. It was so hard with only hubby for support. Find and do something you'll enjoy and be easy on yourself. Hugs.

  • Hi filmgirl101 . I totally agree with u . My family live out side the UK and when we went thru all trying for baby and all those treatments and unsuccessful cycle I was in my own too. I couldn't share with no one par from my hubby which on him was really hard to . Was time that he try avoid any conversation about it and I thought that I'm loosing my mind 😔 Now I better we talk and we got each other back .

  • Thank very much for replies x it really is like end of tunnel at the moment I am thinking If am able to live with fact that it really might no happen while thinking I if I can sacrifice my chance for being mother for love .. yes it is special thing to have my brother got married and got wee boy straight away and they got horrible life no love at all.. wee boy doesn't have great loving family.. my partners ex found new man and got another 2 kids.. she gave birth on day when I found out our pregnancy was chemical.. and thought my partner had done this vasectomy for her years ago it's about 16 years now it's killing... yes I love him so much but I also turned into the jealouse person scared of pregnant women.. my sister that is here with me got married and she said she's so scared she will hurt me one day when they will start trying for baby.. I feel I turned into the desperate monster.. and about counseling I would have to find out if there's something closer to us cos going to the clinic even if it was in price of treatment is too expensive and we need all day away from town.. don't want to spend extra money coz it's hard for treatment itself but will defo go to see gp and get them do some tests that would see better if I am really 100 healthy and no rush to third cycle without some investigation x I wouldn't even mind adoption maybe even better then sperm donor coz that way I would know it's our baby and also no our baby at the same time same for both of us.. thank you for great support I was of this forum for while thinking it would help my mind stay away from stress for our second go. But I missed the support . and u ladies are all great x thanx a lot and lots of love and luck x

  • Would definitely recommend asking about more tests. Been trying for 9yrs and only now after our Ivf baby daughter didn't make it are they wanting to do a hysteroscopy on me (checking amd biopsy of the womb). I don't know if it's because of the way our daughter died or what, but because my tubes etc clear they assumed I was fine saying my v.heavy painful periods were just bad luck and would prob improve after having children. I'm left with a very bitter taste waiting for an op that I could have had done years ago if I'd have known about it, praying it comes back clear and my poor little girl didn't die because of something no one checked.

    I can understand the feeling wit your partner, think we've both said to each other at some point you'd be better off without me, but especially after pedaling to other bereaved parents, loosing our child has made us both realise just how very much we need and love each other. It could happen to anyone, it's no one's fault, you never know what is around the corner in life. The question is, do you want a child, or do you want to raise a child with that wonderful man of yours? I think you know the answer, just as I do. I couldn't imagine being a mummy without my OH as daddy by my side biologically or not (we like you have already said he we can not try again we will adopt rather than sperm donation, however in trying not to think that far ahead 😢)

    Take care of each other xxx

  • I wish I could say something to make it all better.

    We've had 2 failed cycles and it's really hard. Time has helped.

    Despite everything the medical profession know about fertility treatment there's so much they don't know, which is frustrating for those of us who go through failed cycles.

    Take care

  • Thank you girls... parentsofangels you are right I want child but want my partner to be he's or hers father no one else. Maybe I should try and start counting my blessings in life instead of fails ... vasectomy reversal failed but he had sperm retrieval and they got enough sperm for 6 ivf/icsi cycles and they r frozen.. we still got 4 left.. so this could be a blessing coz we could be more unlucky and no get any sperm from him and then donor or adoption would be the only way.. first cycle was biochemical pregnancy but I was so happy them 2 weeks knowing I can get pregnant.. clinic said that it was sign they were wanting to see that I can get pregnant.. it's just the fact of getting great embryo that will stick and grow properly.. knowing that my partner had 4 kids one of them stay with us and treats me like her mum.. even better coz her mother has no interest in her could be another blessing... and we know his sperm was good enough.. maybe we just thought it's going to be too quick and easy but there's different plan for us.. it's hard to go to round 3 I can't decide either go for it as this must be it.. and once again try the best of best eating and resting and try some more tests and give it 100 percent and believe it will work or go to it as to another possible fail and be realistic.. it's unbelievable how many couples out there go thru this I wish they moved us all into one town so could support each other and then they would build best clinic ever and we're doing free treatment x and only once u got your dream u would be able to move away from town x how great would that be x thank for kind words it helps a lot x

  • Hi Miroslava. My situation is exactly the same... except my husband has had two failed vasectomy reversals (both costing thousands). We are now waiting to embark on our fourth IVF/ICSI. We also had 6 vials of sperm to begin with, and there are now two left. My husband has 3 children from his previous marriage. However, in our case, we were told in 2007 (when I was 34) that the first reversal was successful. We had no idea that it had later failed. By the time we found out, I was already 41. I am running out of time. I will be 43 in November and still cannot imagine being a mother. On my 42nd birthday we had our consultation. We had IVF in January 2015, and the impact of the failed IVF left me devastated, bereft and all of these other things that I never imagined I could feel. This is why we opted for a second vasectomy reversal - as a natural conception is the best conception. This also failed. We then had no option but to take another look at IVF/ICSI. My sister became pregnant and this prompted me to make a new plan for us. So, we have paid for 3 further cycles (freezing each time). We are destitute. All our savings are gone and we are using credit cards. We are selling my pension plan. Everything has changed. We are not eligible for adoption. I do understand your situation. I have told my husband that I may have to leave if he becomes a grandfather, as I would rather let him enjoy his time with his grandchildren than be a sad onlooker. So, my new plan is - never give up. Stay calm. Smile and laugh. And don't let [in]fertility take over your life. Get a new job. Be happy in what you do. Stress is a huge factor in terms of success... and remember, you have time on your side. Trust me, at 42, there is no turning the clock back.... Have no regrets. Inform yourself and make the right choice for you. You will be successful. I am now reminding myself of The Sunscreen Song... enjoy!

  • Thank you for your reply hepzibah.. so sorry to hear u went thru same in your life.. it's heartbreaking.. goes with u everywhere u go and is on your mind with every baby u see.. me as well I am scared that my partners daughters will start their families as they are in that age already and I am not sure if I will be able to cope with that.. I am asking myself if another doctor or clinic would of done better job on my partners vasectomy reversal as we went for closest and cheapest alternative 3 years ago.. I am angry with nhs coz they took their hands of our problem and said it was my partners decision ( years ago ) to go for that and that's it for us as a couple they will not fund our ivf.. no looking at me as an individual wanting baby at all... don't want to even think about donors and adoptions yet as we still have chance but am feeling very down and negative at the moment about it all and just now it seems like never going to happen xx we thought better quality embryos were what we needed.. as first cycle it was only 2 day transfer with two 6 cells embryos while second round we had two lovely blasts... and big slap none of them implanted xx thank you for your kind words I guess theres still many couples out there in worse situation.. and I need to get on my feet and start thinking more positive coz I won't work in this negative body and mind.. take care and hope u will get some good news shortly and ur wee family.. x

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