New and Lost..... Help

Hello Everyone,

I'm new here and I'm hoping you can help me through my fertility journey. I've had all the test, been through the lap & dye (my tubes are clear but I have endo on the bladder) and now on the waiting list for IUI Treatment from NHS at Monklands Hospital in Motherwell, Scotland.

I just don't know what to expect or how this is all going to affect me. I have suffered from depression in the past and I'm scared this journey will bring the depression back or effect my relationship (it's a great relationship, but I'm scared I will drive him away with my moods)

I've always know there was something not right with my fertility. I came off the pill at age 21 and never fallen pregnant - at the time i thought nothing of it. But now I'm aged 33 and with someone I love and want to have children with and I can't, it's just not happening naturally for us. My Partner has children from another relationship and all his test were excellent, so I feel the focus is on me and I blame myself for us not being able to have a child naturally.

2 of my best friends have announced they are expecting (1 is 9 weeks and the other is 18 weeks). I've never felt happiness and jealously like it before. I'm happy they are pregnant and want only the best for them but I also feel insane jealously, that they're pregnant and I'm not.

How does everyone cope with the rollercoaster of emotions and having treatment? As mentioned above I have suffered from depression in the past. It took years to get through it and get to where I am now. My worry is that I will drive my partner away or he will end up hating me. I worry about all the hormones I will have to take and how the will affect my moods. I can snap and I'm easily irritated under pressure. I love him and I don't want to loose him.

Is there anyone else on here from Glasgow. What have your experiences been of IUI. did it work?

I have so many more questions. These will follow in time, I'm sure.

Please come say hello and tell me of your stories.

Thanks, Nat x

42 Replies

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  • Hi There,

    Just want to say hi and to tell you in my experience the whole IVF process wasnt actually as bad as I thought it would be. (just about to start our 3rd cycle after no success) I didnt really get any side effects from the drugs the hardest part I found was coping if it doesnt work but then you find you just focus on the next plan of action and that takes you through.

    Im sure lots of other ladies on here will be along with some good advise for you xx

  • Hi Blondyboo, thank you for taking the time to reply. I suppose this is a new learning curve and a waiting game. I just don't want let anyone down xx

  • Hiya feel free to PM me if I can help with any question or at least share experiences.

    Your feelings are totally normal. You will see many ladies on this forum talking about how hard it is when family and friends announce pregnancies and concerns re impact on your relationship. What you fear is normal.

    Everyone has different coping mechanisms but sometimes acknowledging that anger, jealousy or fear helps and starts you on the road to coping.

    My suggestion would be to consider counselling and to also be totally honest with your fears and concerns with your partner. Even just saying I am not coping very well and I am having a bad day maybe sufficient trigger words for your partner to support you.

    Can I ask where you are having treatment? I am based in the Scottish Borders.

    You also mentioned feeling guilty /blame re not getting pregnant. I think we have all felt that but you know what - you are doing something about it. It is not about blame at all. We just got the crap end of the stick but you will also see on the forum that you are not alone. Taking action helps and you should be proud of yourself for doing something about it.

    I wish you well on your journey

    xxx

  • Hey DC13, thanks for reply. I'm in East Kilbride, South Lanarkshire.

    There's just so much to take in and deal with. I think having this forum will help me. I'm the friend who is always helping others and giving them advice, but when it comes to myself, I just close up.

    Nat x

  • Hi, welcome to the page!

    I went through Monklands but I refused IUI and asked to be referred straight to IVF as I heard the success rates for IUI were around 15% so didn't want to prolong the inevitable as we had been trying for 4 years already. I was referred onto the Royal infirmary around Nov 15 and started my treatment in Sep16. I had also suffered depression prior to trying for a baby so was scared how the process was going to effect me and us. I'd say the hardest part is the not knowing what's wrong going through all the tests at the monklands but then the pressure felt lifted when we got our first appointment at the Royal as help was on its way so to speak. Once you start the hormones you do have mood swings and feel a bit fragile (just like at that time of the month) then worry kicks in as you prepare for the worst (it not working) but it is a really exciting time and all worth the end result. I'd say the full process brought us closer together as a couple and made me stronger having to deal with all the ups and downs of infertility. The only advice I can give is just hang in there, all the worry you are feeling is normal. Just be open with each other about your feelings throughout and if you do need to speak with someone regarding your depression then you can also see the fertility counsellor the hospital offer. Let me know if you have any questions on the process or if you just need someone to talk to. Sending big hugs! X Rachel X

  • Thanks for reaching out Rachel it's good to hear from and that you are near. Did you see Dr Jain at Monklands? If found her really inconsiderate and didn't express any emotion or empathy. I'm hoping IUI might work. I can have 6 cycles but after the 3rd if there's no luck then it's a straight referral for IVF. I'm having good and bad days already and the process hasn't really started. Xx

  • I think it was, they were very rushed in at the Monklands and didn't try and comfort or re-assure in any way. Don't be scared to ask lots of questions though, I always came out after wishing I had just asked more questions instead of just being hurried along. Absolutely worth trying the IUI as everyone is different and may work for you - you can always get referred on afterwards if need be. It is such a hard time at the start, I was blaming myself thinking there was something wrong with me and my partner was going the same, it was like the elephant in the room - didn't want to talk about what would happen if either of us were infertile. It helped a lot once we started opening up to each other and discussing our worries and a plan B xx

  • You're so right, I come away from every appointment and think - why didn't i ask more questions. My partner is great, so patient and understanding. I love him with all my heart. I just don't want to disappoint him. I'm hoping that having this forum to speak to will help me on my journey xx

  • Brilliant, that's half the battle if you have an understanding partner. Just try and be kind to yourself - its not your fault, just some bad luck we have been dealt but you can deal with this and get through it stronger at the other end. This website helped me loads getting to speak to people in the same situation as sometimes its hard for your family and friends to say the right thing as they don't fully understand. As I says, feel free to message me anytime things get a bit too much for you. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey together xx

  • Thank you so much. I might just do that. Good Luck on your journey too xx

  • I'm not sure I can add to the advice that the others have give you, but just wanted to say hi and say I understand how you feel. We're just starting the IVF journey and have a date to start treatment in April and already, even without any drugs in my system my emotions are all over the place. I had a really good chat with my husband at the weekend as I told him how scared I was that my emotions were going to start causing issues and he reminded me how strong we are as a couple and how important it is to keep talking as we're going through this together.

    I only registered for this site last week when we got our date to start and already have seen what a wonderful, supportive group of people are here, each with their own situation and own story, but all wanting to support each other.

    Good luck with your journey x

  • Hey, thanks for saying Hi and sharing with me. I can be highly strung and get worked up about things before they have even occurred. It's so nice to hear that other women are going through the same thing and have the same feelings as me.

    Good Luck xx

  • Hi Nat,welcome to this site! Firstly please don't feel like you are alone, because we are all here with you. It's natural to feel how you are feeling. Last year I myself had two failed IUIs and a failed ivf just before Christmas. So my husband and I are taking a small break before we start our second ivf soon (this one will be self funded). If you can have ivf instead of having IUI I would do this, I found the IUIs a waste of time looking back now. I suffer from endometriosis aswell and have had two laps operations, I feel like I need a third to get rid of a cyst I have but I am currently hoping this will go away itself. Happy to answer any questions you may have xxxx

  • Hey, Thanks for getting touch. It's all so daunting just now. The consultant recommended it was better for me to try the 6 cycles of IUI first albeit the success rate is low :( I just felt that I needed to do something to start the process.

    I just find that everyone around me is pregnant. It's not their fault but I'm making excuses not chat to them or catch up because I'm finding it difficult to be around them. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I can't help it.

    I'm sorry to hear about the IUI or IVF not working. I can't imagine how that feels. I hope that the wee break will help you and then help you get back on track.

    I've noticed that there are so many abbreviations used on the forum and I don't know what they all mean :) I think i know the TTC means Try to conceive? xx

  • Yes hunny you are right, it means trying to conceive :) I was offered 4 IUIs and then after the second own failing they said to go straight to ivf. Maybe try IUI first then and hopefully it will work out for you!!! I just think with my endometriosis they said to move on from IUI. But everyone is different so at least it will get the ball rolling :) x

  • Onwards and upwards. fingers crossed for you too xx :)

  • Hi Nat, I'm afraid I can't be of much help, I have found out recently that I am unable to have children naturally so I know exactly how you feel with the putting pressure on yourself and blaming yourself, but I can guarantee you that your partner won't feel like that! He loves you remember, you need to give yourself a break, and what sometimes helps me is to take a step back and consider what advice I would give if it was a friend in My position and not myself, quite often we unfairly judge ourselves and put ourselves down!

    I have never suffered with depression as such but i do suffer with anxiety, I worry and wonder and over think every thing! But the only thing I can advise is to tell your partner everything, if you feel irritable tell him, communicate, if you explain your feelings I am sure he will be understanding, even if they are not logical ! πŸ˜‚ BUT if you just let it all get to you but bottle it up and snap at him and don't explain why, then he might feel pushed away or hurt, they don't let on but they struggle with this as well- not just us ladies. When we first started having tests and stuff I didn't talk to my husband honestly about everything I just put on a brave face and then when he said something I didn't like I would snap, he thought it wasn't getting to me so it was ok to say a certain thing which then upset me.

    And lastly, I've recently started to keep a journal, somehow letting it all pour out onto the page is very therapeutic, and best of all you can be 100% honest and crazy, nobody ever has to read it! 😝

    I hope in some way , some of that helps, even if it just shows that your not alone x Keeley x good luck on your journey !

  • Sound advise Keeley. We on the same page πŸ‘xx

  • Hi and welcome. This is my first round of IVF with ICSI. 39 yrs got an 11 yr old daughter with different partner. My new partner of the last 6 yrs have no children. Both our test came back excellent which is frustrating as we have unexplained. Been TTC for 2 yrs. At TWW now waiting to test after 2xICSI blastocyst transfer. None if our IVF ones made it 😐

    My advise? Be prepared...reseach. there are tons of kindle books both fiction and non fiction for people who have gone through it.

    Talk talk talk to your partner about it every day if you need to. Discuss all your hopes and fears with him.Also disc all The practicalities. Like how many IUI rounds would you want?Do you want IVF? can you afford private and so on. The more you talk the more he will understand your feelings and fears.

    I've suffered with drinking too much in the past and the thought of going alcohol free for IVF was really scary to me but now have been sober since 31st Dec 2016 and really proud of myself. I exercise hard 5 times a week some times twice daily. That has been reduced to walking and yoga and I'm petrified of gaining weight. I came home crying my eyes out 'cos the swimming pool closed and I was desperate for a swim! Seems so crazy now but the drugs do funny things to your mind. However you need to keep a sense if humour and allow yourself to feel the way you do. It's OK!

    With regards to IUI I did want that at first as we are unexplained but consultant highly recommend IVF/ICSI due to higher success rate.

    Happy to help with anything if I can.

    😊xx

  • Good luck staying strong to the end of your tww, hope this is the one!!! πŸ™πŸ½πŸ€žπŸ½πŸ‘ΆπŸ½ x

  • Hey, thanks for getting in touch. There's so much to take in to consideration. I appreciate all the advice. Xx

  • Thanks 🀞😊πŸ’ͺlol feeling quite positive. Only thing that freaks me out is that I had two transferred and I now see twin buggies elsewhere I go 😲xx

  • Hi babez welcome to the group...am here if u need any advise..ive did 3 iui with no resul.. ive did 1 fresh ivf..1 fet which i got pregnant with but sadly lost my little angel at 8 wks and my second fet failed..i did get mood swings with the iui drugs and the ivf drugs the first round but now my bodys used to them i dont have any mood swings thankfully for my poor husband lol..so pls feel free to PM me anytime x x

  • I'm sorry to hear about your loss. That's very upsetting. I hope you're ok xx

  • Thnks am getting there xx

  • Hi Nanderso, welcome to the club! We all know what you going through honey. I'm very moody too but had no effect with the hormones when I did my first ivf.

    You need to keep positive and focus on your end goal.

    Your partner is with you because he loves you despite any difficulties. That's the test of true love and it's important to remember that you both together. It's no ones fault. You have a lot of time!

    Your journey is a step closer...

    I have never done IUI, straight to ivf and it's not so bad as long, but you have to be able to be prepared with disappointment too.

    I wish the best of luck to you both!

  • Hey, thanks for your knowledge me words xx

  • I think I meant to say thanks for your kind words.. damn autocorrect x

  • Welcome to the group :) I'm just at the start of my own journey and so not much experience to offer but just to echo what the girls have already said above, this is such a lovely supportive group of ladies so lean on us all whenever you need to. Lots of people have also found counselling useful, theres so many emotions to work through isn't there. Sending you lots of love and luck xxx

  • Thanks. I think I'm going to need the support. I'm a bit all over the place just now x

  • Totally know the feeling! Get in touch whenever you need to xx

  • Thank you x

  • Hi!

    Here to listen and help! I am going through iui at Monklands at the moment, had two failed attempts, so waiting on the next month!

    Just send me a message if you need any questions answered! Take care xx

  • Hey,

    Thanks for getting in touch. I really appreciate it. I do have a few questions. I'll PM you. xx

  • Hi ladies! Hope you don't mind me jumping in. We have just been told that we will need to attend the Monklands for IUI. Going to my gp on Monday to get the referral moving. Do you mind me asking, how long was the wait between being referred and treatment? I'm wondering should I just go private? So confusing! X

  • Hi, Sorry I haven't responded sooner. It didn't take long from being refereed to seeing a consultant. I was 3 months (july 2016 to Sept 16, from the initial GP referral to seeing a consultant at Monklands. From then on we done a few investigative tests. My Partner was all ok, but i need further tests. So, i got my lap and dye in December 2016. It showed I had endo on my bowels. They told me I have what's called unexplained fertility. After the lap and dye I had an appointment in Feb 2017 to see Consultant again who advised i can have both IUI and IVF treatment. I went on the waiting list for IUI that day and got my letter start of March 2017 that i had reach the top of list. I have an appointment on 28th March for counseling and to work out my schedule for treatment. It's been really quick.

    Hope this helps, Nat

  • Hi, crossing my fingers for you! Just read your other post about starting clomid. When I took it I ate for Scotland.

    I had two abandoned IUI cycles then one attempt at IUI which worked first time. Sadly it ended in miscarriage for me BUT it did work so crossing everything it works for you.

    The staff at Monklands I found to be really good, always put me at ease.

  • Hey, if i don't stop eating, I will be the size of Scotland :)

    I'm sorry to hear that. Are you continuing the IUI cycles?

    I have another injection tomorrow, then Thursday and hopefully IUI on Friday. x

  • The IUI was just like getting a smear test. Not sore, bit uncomfortable. The nurse and bioscientist in the room put me at total ease.

    I'm not allowed my other attempts at IUI because I managed to get pregnant naturally. Nobody would have treatment if they didn't need to obviously but having a blocked tube and wee bit of an irregular cycle I wish they would give me the other attempts. If only we could get everything we wanted in life. It's been a long journey, fingers crossed we all get there. πŸ™‚

  • Hopefully. It'll be ok. Did you take any painkillers before hand?

    Can you not appeal the decision? X

  • Knowing me probably not.

    It wasn't sore though, you just knew they were fiddling around. πŸ™ˆ

    Not sure about appealing, I'll need to look into it.

    Crossing my fingers and toes for you. πŸ™‚

  • Aw thank you. I'm a bit sceptical. Let's see what happens. Xx

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