*Sensitive * missed miscarriage 😭

[Italy300618]

So I'm 8 +3 today. After our scan last week at 7 weeks and seeing a strong heartbeat, it was not the same news today. Even though little one had grown there was no heartbeat. Those words are still ringing in my ears. Felt my heart break into a 1000 pieces. We are both distraught, I have never seen my husband like this and it makes the pain even worse. This was our 3rd ivf, 1st pregnancy and have never experienced this before. I am waiting for referral to Epu, but I'm so scared. If anyone would like to share their experiences as to what I can expect I would really appreciate it. I know it's a horrible topic to discuss, but any words of advice are welcome 😭 xxxx

[Baby1985]

I have no advice but just wanted to say how truly sorry I am. X

[Lw1311]

So sorry to hear this xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry to hear this, having gone through something very similar recently I truly feel for you 😢 so EPU will scan you again to confirm and then discuss the three options with you: wait and see, medical management or D&C. For me I was initially thinking I will wait and see as usually with negative rounds I wait few days after progestrone and start bleeding... however this felt different, I wasn’t getting much cramps and I just wanted to get things over and done with to go back to work ... so I ended up going down the medical management. I was so scared of the pain and it was by far the worst cramps I think I’ve even had and my pain was on and off for about a week. But I promise things get better and your body just knows what to do. I was so happy to see my first ever BFP but it was too good to be true and got taken away so quickly. I wish you all the luck and please feel free to contact me if you need to chat xxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry this happened to you too, its just the worst feeling in the world. Thank you for sharing. Do you mind me asking how long it took in total for you to feel reasonably normal again? I've just spoken to my gp, no sympathy at all, not even a sorry for your loss, he was just baffled at the fact it was through ivf and couldn't get his head around I hadnt bled yet. Idiot. I do feel some cramps coming on this afternoon xxx

[Hidden in reply to Italy300618]

So I took the tablets Thursday afternoon, worst cramps without bleeding started about couple of hours after and didn’t start bleeding until midnight, And it was definitely not like a heavy period it’s something else, huge clots but you feel better after. I was on continuous pain killers but like by Saturday I was ok-ish I went out for a short trip. The next Tuesday I was back at work but bleeding/ pain was on and off. So in less than a week I was feeling physically ok. I even ovulated on day 16 but again we have major MFI so don’t get too excited about ovulating 😢

Oh no I’m so sorry to hear about your GP, I never bothered with my GP tbh didn’t even tell them I was pregnant I was waiting to be discharged from the fertility clinic but didn’t make it that far.... EPU tend to be more sensitive I think.

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

Right ok, its sounds horrendous, I'm terrified. I guess we will see what happens. I stupidly got the ball rolling with my booking in appointment last week after seeing the heartbeat, how stupid was I. Now I have to wait for the letter with the appointment to come through and call and cancel, another kick in the teeth xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

You are very strong xx

[Hidden in reply to Italy300618]

Awww I wish I can say something to make this better, we can do this 💪 after 3 failed transfers I was thinking my body is stupid and doesn’t know how to be pregnant so the fact that I felt what it is like to be pregnant although for very short time.... I’m hoping it’s a good sign that things can happen one day 🙏 sending you big hugs xxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

I know what you mean. The nurse did say to me today, that to not blame myself, everything internally was perfect and my body had reacted how it should do, the embryo was obviously abnormal in some way and wasnt meant to be. I hope it will be our time once again very soon, big hugs xx

[Peony85]

I am so sorry to see this. I had similar happen to me, where we saw a heartbeat on a scan one week and then MMC 2 weeks later. It is completely heartbreaking. My experience was similar to Miracle’s regarding the EPU. I chose to let it happen naturally, and it started 3 days after I stopped progesterone. The worst was over in about 6 hours, and then on and off bleeding for about 9-10 days. I took a couple days off work as I was physically exhausted as well as emotionally. If you’d ever like to talk, feel free to PM me. Xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Peony85]

Thank you so much for sharing, I'm sorry you had to go through it 😔 I have had some painful abdominal cramps this afternoon, so I dont know if it's best to see what happens naturally, especially since I wont be on any progesterone now. Its just devastating and wish I could wish it all away and be out the other side xx

[Peony85 in reply to Italy300618]

It is completely devastating, take the time for yourself that you need. I originally thought I’d do medical management but it happened naturally first. Once it was over, I felt I was able to start the healing process. I hope it is over for you soon. Sending lots of hugs xx

[FrancyItaly]

Oh no 😔 I am so sorry to hear this. I know the feeling unfortunately 💔 If you want to talk I’m here x

[Italy300618 in reply to FrancyItaly]

Thank you lovely xxx

[ttcemmie]

I'm devastated for you. I'm so so sorry. I can imagine your heart breaking in to a 1000 pieces and nothing I can say will make it better. For me it felt like I was drowning, and I guess like a wave of grief. Make sure you surround yourself with people that you love and get them to support you in any way you need. Don't feel rushed in to any decisions and do what is right for you whilst acknowledging this is the sh*ttest time and really don't expect too much of yourself. Give yourself space to deal with this and to support yourself and your husband. Sending all my love. xxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to ttcemmie]

Thanks so much lovely, I am sorry you've had to go through it before, the feeling of drowning I can completely relate with, my heart feels so heavy and like I cant breathe. Been having a few tummy cramps this afternoon, maybe it's on it's way. Best of luck hun with your 2 embies xxxx

[Core]

I’m so so sorry lovely, can’t even imagine how painful this must be. I remember when I had my miscarriage thinking how cruel it was that we’d had to deal with the pain of Ivf and then this. Cry when you need to, eat chocolate, drink wine whatever to get you through. I hope you have lots of lovely support around you, here if you ever need a rant or chat xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Core]

Thank you so much lovely, it feels like a double wammy, ivf is tough enough and then add this cruel hurdle in the mix. Thanks for your reply xx

[Core in reply to Italy300618]

Completely agree sending hugs xx

[Keepingfaith85]

I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you both xxx

[Hopesanddreams1987]

I have no words to advise but just wanted to say how sorry and sad I am to hear this news. Thinking of you & hoping you & your husband can find the strength in each other to help you both through this xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hopesanddreams1987]

Thank you so much xxx

[hifer]

Yes I have been through this twice sadly (where we had a heartbeat and then lost the baby a week and a half later at the next scan). It is gut wrenchingly awful and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. I knew I wouldn’t pass naturally (long story and intuition) so the first time I had a D & C and the second time I had an MVA. I’m so sorry to say that you will be distraught. Time is your one main friend in this instance. Do everything that is right for you and your husband in this instance and nothing else. Take all the time to heal. Xx

[Italy300618 in reply to hifer]

My gosh I'm sorry you've gone through it twice. I do feel very crampy this afternoon strangely having felt nothing untoward for a whole month. Hopefully in time it will get better xxx

[Peanutchips]

Oh Italy, I’m really really sorry to hear this. I’ve just gone through a similar situation myself so I know a little of what you’re feeling. It’s so cruel and heartbreaking, particularly after IVF. Others have mentioned the options that you’ll be given. Personally, after a week off the meds and nothing, I went for medical management. It didn’t work the first time but it did the second (when they added mifepristone 48 before the misoprostal). It’s very painful for a few hours but calms after that and becomes manageable. The bleeding can last a few weeks. If you have any questions, free feel to msg me. Thinking of you xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Peanutchips]

I'm so sorry lovely, it's just the worst after everything. Thank you for sharing your experience with me, it's really helpful 😘 xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for your loss, I remember being physically sick with the shock when this happened to me. For all of my MC I have opted for surgery are I felt like I needed to get it over with physically so I could start the process of healing emotionally and mentally.

It is the biggest cliche but you have to be selfish and do what's right for you over the coming days weeks and months. But it does get easier over time I promise.

I found everyone was truly hopeless. My GP was beyond insensitive. My EPU kept telling me to come back in a week in case things changed and had no sympathy really and my IVF clinic kind of washed their hands of me because their job was done - they got me pregnant. Invest time in EPU as they are the ones who will help you from here on in.. make sure you tell them its an IVF pregnancy, you have tried several times etc., this tends to get you more help and more sympathy.

Thinking of you xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Daisy, my gosh what you have been through, how do you keep going?

Thank you for sharing, that is so helpful, just wish this wasnt happening and it was all a bad dream xxx

[Ivfgotadream]

I’m so sorry

I’ve had 5 miscarriages - the first was a missed miscarriage at the 12 week scan. I opted to miscarry all of them at home naturally. Obviously in terms of physical pain the 12 week one was by far the worst. It took a week from starting to spot to the “main event” and that was around 12 hours start to finish with probably 2-3 hours of contractions and very very heavy bleeding/passing clots/tissue. The other miscarriages were much quicker and less painful. You can opt for medical management where they give you a couple of pills to take to speed things up but speeding up also means you tend to experience more intense pain but it is over quicker. I had heard due to covid it can be more difficult to get surgical management at the moment but do know some people who have had that. One advantage to having medical management is that you can request the baby is tested for chromosome issues and sometimes having an answer can “help” emotionally and mentally. That is the one thing I regret about doing all mine at home is that I’ll never know why they happened?

Some large hospitals also offer a funeral service for lost babies If you have surgical management - I had this with both my ectopics and whilst very sad and upsetting it felt like my baby mattered to more than just me and my husband as there was a full service with a priest and the ashes were spread at the cemetery baby remembrance garden so I have some where to go and visit

I hope that your hospital is able to give you some different options - take time to think about what is right for you xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Ivfgotadream]

You poor poor thing to have had to gone through that, I cannot even imagine. Thank you for sharing, it's really helpful to understand everything, just wish it wasnt happening xxx

[Cinderella5]

I am so so sorry to read your sad news! I dont really have any advice but wanted to say I was thinking of you both, sorry for your loss honey!😪xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much 💗 xxx

[Mutleybob]

I’m so sorry, it really is the worst feeling. I’ve had a couple of mmc. My first was a complete shock I started bleeding just before my 12 week scan and by the time I actually got to hospital I was heavily bleeding, wasn’t really sure when heart stopped but they think quite early on. That just happened naturally and was pretty painful. The second didn’t come as quite a shock. I had a scan at 8 weeks which was fine and felt happier but still by the time I got to 12 weeks the heart has stopped somewhere between 9-10 weeks I didn’t start to bleed on my own so had a d&c, I just wanted it over and didn’t want to go through all the pain again.

You need to do what’s best for you, put yourself first and take it easy, give yourself time to process it all xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Mutleybob]

Thank you lovely, I'm sorry for your losses, thanks for sharing. I hope this is your time 😘 xxx

[CLDxxx]

Oh darling, I’m so sorry 😔 I have been there unfortunately and it’s such a shock and heartbreaking.

I’m here if you want a chat or advice. Sending love and strength to you 💕xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to CLDxxx]

Thank you for your reply lovely 😘💗💔 xx

[Chel91]

So incredibly sorry for your loss, it is truly heartbreaking 😢 I don't have any advice, but I know what a devestating and lonely experience it can be. Thinking of you and feel free to PM me if you need to chat xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Chel91]

Thank you so much 💗💔 xx

[Ivf2020A]

Im so sorry to hear your going through this 😞 I just wanted to say thinking of you hun x

[Italy300618 in reply to Ivf2020A]

Thank you xxx

[KiboXX]

I’m so sorry Italy, just wanted to send you a big hug ❤️ xxx

[Niki_B]

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry 😥 I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, I think baby passed around the 9th week as that's when my symptoms started disappearing. I started bleeding lightly at 11 weeks and had cramps so went to hospital where the bleeding got heavy and was confirmed I was miscarrying. They offered to give me medical management (vaginal pills) to help things along. I wont go into to much detail but i was in severe pain for about 6 hours wearing a diaper as there was so much blood and on morphine every 2 hours and spent 2 days in hospital. It was really horrible. . I know everyone is different...but my advice is if they offer a D&C take it!! I wish I had that option. I'm so so sorry for your loss..its absolutely heartbreaking. I was very upset for a long time and took me months to feel better again. I hope you have good support around you right now as you will need it. Your heart will heal with time but the loss will be with you in your heart forever 😥💔 sending love and light xxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Niki_B]

You poor thing 😫 sounds horrendous. Thank you for sharing with me, it's all helping me understand the process, its just very scary, and really wish it would all just go away rather than having to deal with it xx

[Niki_B in reply to Italy300618]

I totally understand. I thought everything was fine as like you at my 7 week scan all was looking perfect. Then at hospital when they drew blood and my hcg had dropped to 270 after being over 20,000 it was evident baby had passed a week or 2 earlier, but it was very sudden as I thought things were ok and I was so close to 12 week mark. Must be even harder knowing baby has passed and not knowing what to do or what to expect. You will get through this, as hard as it's going to be. If you ever need to chat about anything please PM me. I'll be thinking if you 😥💔💖

[Italy300618 in reply to Niki_B]

Thank you lovely, will definitely be in touch if I'm unsure of anything xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Niki_B]

And just to add, I'm so happy to see you have had success 😘💗

[Niki_B in reply to Italy300618]

Thank you. I feel so very blessed 💙

[Kitty230515]

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s completely heartbreaking.

I’ve had a very similar experience recently.

I was rescanned at the EPU clinic, then I was given an two options, one to just wait for it to happen naturally, two to have some medication to help things along.

They weren’t able to do the 3rd option which is surgical because of Covid. It might be different at your local hospital. (This would have been the option I would have gone for)

So I went with the 2nd, but I’ve had to have two lots of medication, as the 1st lot didn’t work.

If you need to talk to anyone please feel free to message me. It can feel like such a lonely time, but just take every day as it comes. It’s been just over a week since I’ve found out. Xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Kitty230515]

I'm so so sorry to hear you've experienced similar, and just so recently. Hope you are doing ok. Thanks for sharing your experience. My gp this evening was utterly rubbish, no sympathy at all, not even a sorry for your loss, he was baffled at it being an IVF pregnancy, what I could gather is that he is contacting epu, hopefully they will sort me out. Bloody idiot. Big hugs to you xx

[Kitty230515 in reply to Italy300618]

GP are hit and miss. I’ve had some really positive experiences with mine and some really terrible ones. Can you request a different doctor at the GPS?

The EPU were fantastic when I saw them. They have given me so much care, and advice.

It’s such a horrible thing to happen to you. Just take as much time as you need. Cry scream do whatever you need to do when you need to, It will get easier in time.

But know that you aren’t alone xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Kitty230515]

It was the clinic that said to contact my gp first, in a way I wish I had just called epu first. Will see what the doctor says tomorrow if not will call them direct. I am glad they were good to you, thank you 💗 xx

[Hidden]

Im so sorry to read this. It is just unfair especially if it is the first ever bfp. God bless your heart.

I experienced a similar thing two weeks ago. At six weeks a heart beat and two weeks later nothing.

At the time I thought my world just ended. I couldnt talk to my mom and sister (only one who knew i was pregnant) because just thinking abt it made me break down.

My husband was with me at the scan and i could see the hurt in his face but he kept him self busy. I just needed a few days on my own.

It was my second miscarriage but i never got this far to actually get a picture of a scan at 6 weeks. My clinic gave me options and i said i want to wait a week after stopping the meds. Just a few days after stopping the bleed started. Other options were medication or surgical management. Im glad i did the natural thing but you have to have the stomach for it. Please feel free to ask away here. At least you wont face it alone. It helped me alot. One beautiful soul here even told me what to do when i was actual having the mc etc. Here for you. Take care x

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

😫 I am so so sorry lovely 💔 thank you for your reply. I have found ot so hard and so many family and friends new about our ivf journey and naturally knew about our positive pregnancy so it's been hard phone call after phone call. I'm drained 😭 do you mind me asking how long the bleeding lasted? I have felt some heavy cramps this afternoon, not having anything thought the pregnancy, perhaps its coming and should let it naturally. I'm not sure. I guess time will tell xx

[Hidden in reply to Italy300618]

Please dont feel that you have to explain your self to others. If you dont want to talk about it with the people calling you please protect your self by just switching off x

The first 3 days of the bleed were like a heavy period but with more cramps. I could manage with painkillers and warm waterbottle but i had to stay in cause the cramps were going and coming. The 3rd night the actual mc happend. I had again cramps an hour before it and when i lost it i wasnt even in pain. The cramping continued but way less for another 2 days and in total i bled 9 days of which the last 3 days was light.

Its a horrible thing to walk around with your poor baby inside. This sounds crazy but i kept telling my self it is ok, you can let go, we will meet again xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

Thats so sad 😭 thank you that really helpful. I said to my husband when we are out the other side i want to mark it in some way, perhaps plant something in the garden, I dont know, it's the first time we have been properly content since our wedding day and i felt so close to the little bean, just dont want it to end xx

[Hidden in reply to Italy300618]

We all here for you❤️ keep your head up lovely

[Bhoga in reply to Hidden]

I have been through something like this and my mind is wondering why why?? Were you able to get a diagnose of why this happened and what could be done to avoid it?

If you were on IVF, what was the doctors advise on trying again?

[Hidden in reply to Bhoga]

Hi Bhoga. My nurse said i could have done nothing wrong to cause this. I did hear though that often the will digg only further if you had multiple miscarriages. Its so unfair x

[JoanneH82]

So sorry for your loss.x This happened to me at beginning of this year and feels like it was yesterday. It's so unfair. My due date would have been tomorrow. 😢 On a positive note we have done a second round and are having embryo transfer on Saturday. 🤞🤞

[Italy300618 in reply to JoanneH82]

Thank you 😘 sorry to hear you've been through it, lovely to hear you are due for your transfer soon, best of luck for saturday xxx

[Mrs14]

I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sure right now you feel like this is all a bad dream... I had MMC confirmed at 13 week scan like you in April and completely relate to everything you are saying! 😣❤️ Ours had been passed for atleast 3-4 weeks and it was the hardest thing to get our heads around as I had no signs of anything being wrong since our “viability scan”. I really do hope for you that things sound like they are starting to happen naturally but if nothing does, I personally would advise the D&C! I needed to have two rounds of tablets to “get things moving” during peak Covid but ended up in A&E and needing a D&C anyway. Of course it’s entirely up to you hun and what you feel is best, but the tablets bring everything on abruptly and if I’m totally honest, was left traumatised by the experience and ended up with serious complications. I really don’t mean to say this to worry you - I just know if I knew what I knew now I would always opt for D&C or “natural” and hope this and others comments may help you make the best decision ❤️ ... Whichever you decide, keep your other half close and you will get through it! If you want to message me please do and take care xxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Mrs14]

Oh gosh you poor thing that sounds awful. Thank you for being so honest, I just want to deal with someone supportive now, the gp was terrible. Had some painful cramps in the night, I think my body is slowly showing signs that little one has passed xxx

[Picalilli99]

Oh no. I’m so sorry this has happened. My heart is broken for you 💔. I remember those fateful words so vividly (also a MMC after previously seeing a heartbeat). It is absolutely devastating. We opted for medical management, but if I had to choose again I think I’d opt for surgical (because I found it quite a traumatic process). But it’s such a difficult decision - none of which are options I would wish on my worst enemy! Look after yourself lovely. We are all hear for you ❤️.,Make sure you reach out if you need anything. Sending huge hugs xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Picalilli99]

Thank so much for your reply,and I'm so sorry you've experienced this too. For some reason I thought d&c would be if you were further along. Tbh I would prefer it to happen naturally if possible, I can definitely feel my body reacting in some way, with painful cramps. Medical management does sound horrible. Hopefully will get to speak to someone who actually knows what they are on about today, my gp was shit and so unsympathetic xxx

[Picalilli99 in reply to Italy300618]

Good luck today. I hope they are helpful and supportive. Natural sounds like a good option. For me I had to wait a week for medical and no sign at all of anything so was keen to get it over with. But if you can do it naturally that seems like a good option, for you and your body. It’s a difficult choice but just try and choose what feels best for you. We are here with you. Big hugs xxxx

[Picalilli99 in reply to Italy300618]

P.s I’m really sorry about your GP. The last thing you need is people making you feel worse. Shocking x

[Faith103]

I’m so sorry for you loss. Be kind to yourself. Plenty hugs with your partner. Stay strong 💪 xxxx ❤️❤️

[Sorax]

So sorry I don’t no what to say look after yourself 💖

[Sparklylife]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss!

[flonatips]

So sorry this happened! I was the same heart beat at 7 weeks then at 10 nothing I took the Option of DnC but waited a week to see would it come naturally so I was 11 weeks going in to the hospital and you are still classified as pregnant so it was tough as all the questions are how far along are you as technically you are!! I was off work for a month after and we did a little trip at the end of the month and it helped but I will never be the same person I was before this happened!

[Italy300618 in reply to flonatips]

Thanks for sharing, I'm so sorry too xx

[fay2399]

I had similar experience with natural pregnancy.. lost at 9 weeks after hearing heartbeat. Maybe is good thing that you lost it, it could have had abnormality in it and maybe that was the reason. Be strong and try again ❤️🤗

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to read this, it must have been so difficult to hear those words especially after your initial scan.

I experienced a MMC 2 years ago and I had medical management, the pain lasted for a few hours, it was uncomfortable but it wasn't unbearable, it's more the emotional side. I hope that you have lots of support around you xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you lovely xxx

[Maisie234]

My heart breaks for you. I had the D+C and it was horrible. I'd probably choose it again as I just wanted it done and to try and heal. I was a few months trying to get better mentally and I had about three weeks off work. I didn't want to but my doctor who was so kind to me, knew better, and I really did need that time. I worked from home for a while to be away from people talking about children. I am back to how I was before. You will be able to move on from this, and everyone is different so just surround yourself with people who care and look after number one. You will be fine. xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Maisie234]

I'm sorry this happened, thanks for sharing your experience with me, it really helps to know what others have done xx

[Waitingforbaby]

I suffered a silent miscarriage at 10 weeks of our IVF baby 2.5 weeks ago - we also saw a strong heartbeat at 7 and 8 weeks and then at 10 week scan babies heart had stopped. I had a D&C - it’s been really hard and I know how you feel! Sending you so much love and I’m here for you xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Waitingforbaby]

I'm so sorry 😔 god life is so cruel xx

[Florencenightingale]

So sorry to hear this. it's absolutely heart breaking. I've had a MMC at 10 weeks before where the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. Despite everything we went thru, I was so matter of fact about moving on, i just wanted it to be over.

This isnt to scare you, but to prepare you what to expect, because NO ONE told me. I passed HUGE clots, again and again and again and had what I assumed were contractions just before each one.

In the coming weeks and months, be kind to yourself, let yourself feel every emotion that comes and dont hold it in.

I wish you every strength 💞 xxx

[Italy300618 in reply to Florencenightingale]

Thank you for your reply and your honesty I really appreciate it xx

[Florencenightingale in reply to Italy300618]

I dont see the point in pussyfooting around when something Is going to happen, I'd much rather be prepared. It may not happen that way with you, but this was the bit that really worried me. I hope you're as ok as you can be. Always here if you need anything xx

[Shelleybean]

My heart breaks for you honey, I know how awful this feels as heard those dreadful words myself 2 years ago. Heartbeat but baby measuring slightly behind at viability scan and then mmc confirmed a week later. I chose to let things happen naturally at home and even though things took a little while to start (9 or 10 days from stopping Progesterone), feel that I coped as well as can be expected with the process. I knew medical management wasn’t going to be for me, so I gave myself 2 full weeks before said would consider D&C. The most intense part only lasted a few hours for me and was just like a bad period. I got loads of stuff in to prepare... maternity pads, stick on heat pads, painkillers (Feminax and strong Paracetomol), wet wipes and wore old baggy pyjama pants (easy to pull down). Netflix and junk food definitely recommended (and wine if you fancy it).

Think I got through it by knowing that the baby was probably genetically abnormal, so nature was doing it’s job, and that our chances of IVF success in the future had actually improved. If it wasn’t for the little bean we lost we would never have kept going for another round with my own eggs as the Drs were recommending donor, but we decided to give it “one last shot” with my own eggs and I now have a 4 month old baby boy sleeping on me from our 4th fresh round. Although I will never forget our first baby, it does get easier over time.

Hope things go as smoothly as they can for you and sending lots of love xx

[Bhoga in reply to Shelleybean]

I have been through something like this and my mind is wondering why why?? Were you able to get a diagnose of why this happened and what could be done to avoid it?

If you were on IVF, what was the doctors advise on trying again and after how many months of MMC?

[Shelleybean in reply to Bhoga]

Sorry to hear you’ve been through this too. We were just told that the baby was probably genetically abnormal, so it was likely nature’s way of not allowing the pregnancy to progress if the baby may not survive. Unfortunately we weren’t able to confirm this as didn’t have the option of having the pregnancy tissue tested due to it being my first mc. My clinic told me to wait one cycle before trying IVF again (so have one period after the mc bleed), but I’ve heard people say they were able to start again straight away. I suppose you just need to try to work out when you’re ready emotionally. Hope that helps xx

[Bhoga in reply to Shelleybean]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Italy300618 in reply to Shelleybean]

Thank you for your reply and your advice. I'm so happy you've had your happy ending, cant wait to be on the other side of this xx

[ChloeDE]

So sorry for your loss.

I had a miscarriage earlier this year. I stopped medication and bled. I had to do another pregnancy test a few weeks later and it was still positive. I eventually had a MVA to remove the rest of the pregnancy tissue. I am not going to lie, the procedure was quite horrific. If I had to do it again, I would insist on being put to sleep. Xx

[Italy300618 in reply to ChloeDE]

So sorry for your loss, thank you for your advice xx

[leah30]

So sorry to hear my love , I’ve not experienced this but my best friend has, she on her 3rd go Fet had a heartbeat at 7 weeks and no heartbeat at 9 weeks . She had hospital intervention, she went straight into having a 4th FET with embryo glue and she’s just given birth 5 weeks ago to a baby girl . Sending you huge hugs don’t give up hope xx

[Italy300618 in reply to leah30]

That's nice to hear of a happy ending. It so sad to read so many experiencing similar life is so cruel xx

[Blu15]

I’m so so sorry to hear this

I haven’t experienced this so I can’t offer any advice but am sending a big hug 🤗

I hope you and your husband start to feel better soon

♥️♥️♥️

[Sammy246]

I'm am so sorry about your loss and going through my miscarriage in March this year, I can relate to what you are feeling. Having a miscarriage is emotionally draining. I think the shock of someone telling you there is no heartbeat is unimaginable and I dont think anyone even anticipates those words in any scan.

I had MMC which was recommended by my clinic consultant. On the day you go through various paperwork at the EPU. Couple of hours later I was given couple of tablets to start the process and after 30 minutes later they discharge you. They do advise you to take strong pain killers after. A couple of hours later from when I had the tablets I had the most severe cramps and pain. I ended up with loads of clots and I actually saw the embryo sac come out too. It's the most traumatizing experience but you do cope with it somehow. And months later you may forget the pain but not the angel you've lost.

I do hope you have strong emotional support as the next week or so you will need it. Prayers are with you xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Sammy246]

😭 you poor thing, so sorry, thanks for sharing with me. I'm going to epu on sunday morning, hubby cant come in, all of it is just awful xx

[Sammy246 in reply to Italy300618]

Will be thinking of you on Sunday. I know its daunting to be going on your own but I must say the nurses and doctors at the EPU are really sweet and I dont think anyone can help to make this better but they do support you at the EPU. I was intially given my own room so I was sitting away from the pregnant women and could grieve on my own as I was on my own too. If you do decide to have MM then please ensure you have some strong pain killers xx

[JoP32]

Oh no lovely, I’m so so sorry to hear this.

I’ve had 2 mmc (identified at scan like you) so I’m happy to let you know what happens next if you’d like. One I opted for the natural route, the other I chose the medical mc route.

In summary, neither are nice obviously but if I had to chose again I’d go for the medical mc purely because it took a while before I started to bleed when we went the natural route and the whole process seemed to take much longer. When I knew it was over I just wanted it over. If you know what I mean?

It can be very painful but ring your hospital if you struggle - both times I had a medical management (once after the mmc as mentioned, the other at 17.5 weeks due to chromosome issues) I was admitted for pain relief and it helped hugely.

If you want to pm me for a chat or more detail etc then please do. I really do understand.

Whichever route you chose though it will be the right route for you, and please don’t be scared. It’s not fun (understatement of the year obviously) but there really is nothing to be scared about. And although it doesn’t feel like it now, I promise light will shine for you both again.

I’m so very sorry for you both lovely. I’d so hoped this was your time. Sending you a massive virtual hug - oh and I’m only mentioning my experiences to try & help. I definitely don’t want any sympathy, that was in the past. It’s all about you at this moment and if my past can help with this horrible, shitty, crappy time that’s all I hope. Xxxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to JoP32]

Thanks so much lovely taking the time to reply. I am still so sorry you had to go through it, sounds horrific, how do you find the strength? Saddens me so much how many have been in the same boat, and I think how do you pull through, I feel like someone is stood on my chest 😭

I am going to epu Sunday morning. I cant see it happening naturally at all, have had not even a bit of spotting. I'm leaning towards medical management tbh, but will see what they talk through with me. I'm terrified tbh I just dont want it to come. I still feel very pregnant xx

[JoP32 in reply to Italy300618]

Yeah, see what they say. For what it’s worth, both my clinics advised against the surgical option as there’s a very small chance this can damage the cervix (like 1% or something), but my consultant was like ‘we need to keep our chances as high as possible with ivf so even the smallest chance of something going wrong isn’t worth it if we want to try again.’

My EPU were shit at dealing with ivf patients. Really bad. They had no idea about how much we’ve been through to get to this stage and I ended up getting quite angry with them. Basically, if you decide on something, stick to your guns - it’s your body, your choice.

Re. The pills, for the mmc I was offered the choice to stay in for pain relief or take them at home. I opted to go home as figured I’m ‘quite tough so I’m sure I’ll cope just fine, 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️‘, however I didn’t. A few hours later I rang the ward and came in & they gave me oramorph which took basically all the pain away. The only reason I’m saying this is, not to scare you, plenty of people manage at home fine, but to say that if you do find it hard don’t feel like you have to tough it out at home. Call them and go in for some pain relief. I can’t explain how much this helped. It was immeasurable.

I ended up staying in over night as had to take a few lots of the pills to get them to work but after I left I bled for probably 2-3 more days max, and only 1 of them was heavy. With the natural route I bled for well over a week.

I took 2-3 weeks off work (didn’t take any for the first mmc and that was a huge mistake) & after the 17.5 week one, I exercised 5 times a week. I did this to try and generate endorphins to stop me feeling blue (chemically blue rather than blue about the situation if that makes sense?) I found this really helped combat the drop in progesterone etc that comes after a mc & can cause a bit of depression. If I were to recommend one thing it would be to try and get/keep your endorphins up through exercise. I felt more chemically depressed after both the mmc’s than after the 17.5 week one and I’m positive it’s because I made the effort to exercise because situationally the 17.5 week one was much harder to deal with as we were so much further along.

Re. Having strength. I didn’t feel like I’d ever have the strength again after the 3rd one. Although the exercise kept me ‘on a level’ I was pretty broken. However, as cliched as this sounds, time really does help and by 2 months later I was strong enough to try again. You will be too.

It’s dark, weird, sort of limbo days for you atm where, if you’re anything like me you feel almost jet lagged - like you’re on this earth but very far away from everything, watching other people having a nice time while you’re just existing, wanting what’s to come to be over with but at the same time desperately not wanting things to end (it’s hard to describe this awful in between stage & for me, this period you’re in right now was the worst), but I promise once it’s over you will start to heal & you will be ok again. I promise.

Be kind to yourself (eat the cake/ go for the massage & facial etc), take time off work and exercise (even if you don’t want to, you’ll be glad you did afterwards) and when you’re ready you will be stronger because of this. It never leaves you but it just becomes a part of who you are. And that’s ok.

You WILL be ok lovely. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but I promise you will.

Lots of love. Xxxxx

[TexasRose210]

Sorry for your loss

[Hartley1]

That's so difficult, I'm so sorry you've had this cruel experience. Thinking of you xxx

[Cici85]

I am so sorry this is happening hun. Thinking of you and sending you tight hugs.

[Italy300618 in reply to Cici85]

Thank you, I'm devastated 😭 xx

[Luna_79]

Oh I’m so so sorry to read this, I can’t offer any advice but I can offer my deepest sympathies to you and your partner, I can only imagine what you just be feeling right now - so so sorry for your loss xxx

[mojitoito]

I am so very very sorry. Love and prayers xxx

[Georgie17]

I am so sorry xx