Miscarriage after ICSI - sensitive post

[Me_and_him]

Hi all,

I've been quiet for a while after we got our first ever BFP after one successful round of ICSI treatment. It was the best feeling in the world! We felt so blessed and lucky. We tried not to get ahead of ourselves but made plans for in our heads and hearts as we looked forward to becoming first time parents in early 2020. Our early scan at week 7 showed a healthy heartbeat and we were elated. We decided to have a reassurance scan at 9.5 weeks and it's the day that has broken us... 4 little words... there is no heart beat. I had suffered a missed miscarriage so had medical management to make my body start the process. This is all a week old and it's still so so raw. I guess my question is how do we recover from this hell? What do we do next? Where do we go from here? Will this pain ever ease? I know some of these are questions that people won't be able to answer but if anyone has experienced loss your words would be very much appreciated. Thanks xx

[Drives]

Reading your post broke my heart 💔 sending you lots of love and I hope some of the lovely ladies on here will be able to answer your questions x x x

[Niki_B]

Oh hun I'm so very sorry 😢💔 this exact same thing happened to me about 6 weeks ago. We finally after 2 full rounds and 2 previous failed transfers got our BFP. my HCG was high from the get go and more than doubling. I was sick daily with nausea from about 5 weeks, i never spotted not once at all, and was just exhausted all the time. We had our 7 week scan healthy heartbeat, sac was nice and big everything looked perfect. Around the 9 week mark my severe nausea disappeared and I started getting a a bit of an appetite back... i was very worried thinking this is too early. I even put a post up asking if this was normal and everyone assured me symptoms come and go and the placenta might have took over which helps symptoms and I was not to worry. Except at 11+2 just 5 days before my 12 week scan I started spotting...anyways long story short i was in hospital 2 days and I miscarried. It was awful 😢 I couldn't believe the universe could be this evil to me after everything I've been through. 6 weeks on I'm still not ok. I have more bad days then good. So I'm sorry I cant give you any words of advice on how to cope, and I think we all go through things differently. But I do know its gonna be hard, and you are going to hurt for a long time. I dont think I'll ever get over this. That was pretty much my last shot we have 1 not so great frozen embryo left and then that's it. We have no more money for IVF. so I dont know your situation but I hope you can carry on and try again. I know how hard this is and your not alone. I wish you love and peace and surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Personally I cant even look at children or babies right now, and I hate I've become this way. If you ever need to talk about anything or just vent and get your feelings out you message me anytime ok? I'm so sorry this has happened to you this whole shitty journey is just so hard and so unfair, sending love and big hugs 💕💗🌸⚘ xxx

[Hidden]

Hi,

I’m so so sorry to hear your bad news. This is all so unbelievably unfair.

I’m a few months down the line from our experience, first cycle of ICSI in September, first scan at 7 week showed our embryo had split, good strong heartbeats, my midwife booked me a reassurance scan and their hearts had both stopped beating before 9 weeks.

I too felt broken, I thought I would never survive it, I couldn’t see the light but we came through the other side. I was admitted to hospital twice, it didn’t feel real. Since then I have had good weeks and bad weeks. My due date has just passed last week and I’ve been holding it together but I broke again last week, my period arrived on my due date!!

It does get easier, life goes back to normal but it’s always there. We have had a further FET since which wasn’t successful, a cancelled cycle and are now on another FET cycle. I feel more and more anxious each time and I am booked for counselling this week, have you considered this? Give yourself time to recover, and grieve and cry as much as you need to. We didn’t and started again straight away which wasn’t the best thing for us xx

[Dreamingofbaby]

So sorry to hear this. It is such an awful thing to experience I do went through something v similar. All fine at 7 weeks and then started spotting and mc at 11 weeks was so awful. It is just so painful and hard to know what would help as diff for everyone. We are just trying to get on and letting our hair down a bit before we start again. Never easy though. Take good care of u and do whatever may help. We all here for ya xx

[Angelguide1982]

I have suffered a miscarriage and its heart breaking. Lots of self care this is not your fault. Keep trying x

[2-shades-of-hope]

I’m really sorry. It is devastating. We lost our first baby at 9+4. After the first scan and seeing the heartbeat we thought our dreams had come true. It is such a cruel shock and one of the hardest things that can happen to you. For me personally, I feel a lot better now that their due date has passed, although I had another miscarriage just before it. I went to a saying goodbye service which I found helpful as recognition that my baby was real and did matter (the nhs aren’t always great at remembering this). I think the best thing you can do is to be very kind to yourself, lower the standards of what you expect from yourself for as long as you need. Feel welcome to msg me xx

[2-shades-of-hope in reply to 2-shades-of-hope]

Oh and just to say, if you feel very far from ok at the moment and like you’ve completely lost your mind, I’ve been there and it’s quite normal. I really needed the counselling I had x

[alockie]

Poor sperm quality might be one of the reasons why a woman cannot get pregnant. I would recommend you check out genetics (karyotyping) and discuss with your doc whether IVF PGS NGS will be a better option for you. Hope this helps x