Fertility Network UK
13,514 members21,964 posts

Missed miscarriage confirmed, devastated beyond words😓😭

Hi Ladies. I just had my viability scan. Sadly I miscarried. There was no heartbeat and foetal pole stopped growing. Words cannot express our sadness right now, we are totally broken. This journey has been so painful for me, both physically and mentally and financially we are drained too. I have been told to go to an epu or wait a week naturally but not sure what to do really. This was our first ivf round and I just cant believe neither embryos worked for us. Why is this journey so cruel? If anybody has had a mmc before and can just advise me on what to expect, or if they went onto a successful pregnancy, I would be greatful.

Thank you to everybody that has supported me on this journey. Xx💕

77 Replies
oldestnewest

Ahhhh what an awful journey this and my heart does hurt for you. Ivf is so bloody hard and to get a bfp and then for it to end is devastating. What i will say is you can take some positives from this... in that you were actually pregnant and it does work.... i will also say that this was your first cycle and many ladies have more cycles to achieve pregnancy. Wishing you all the best at this terrible time xxx

Reply

Thanks Destiny. I can only try and believe that I did get pregnant. Its just awful xx

Reply

Hi Cryst4l,

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry to read this, I miscarried earlier this week, so understand some of the pain you are feeling.

I can’t advise re: natural vs. medicated, but wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Xx

Reply

Thanks Suzannah. I know you understand how it feels. I hope you are bearing up ok. Xx

Reply

Xxx

Reply

Oh lovely Im so sorry you're going through this! I have no advice but Im thinking of you both! Hold onto each other tightly! Sending massive hugs.xx

Reply

Thanks Cinderella. Hugs recieved xx

1 like
Reply

I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read about your miscarriage, I can't imagine it is easy making this kind of decision. I hope someone else is able to offer some advice / share their experience. Take care xx

Reply

Thanks Jojo, appreciated xx

Reply

I am gutted for you.......no words can help...so so sorry :( xxx

Reply

I’m so sorry to hear this. I had a mmc when I went for my 8 week scan. My clinic referred me to my local EPAC.

I chose medical management and thought it had worked but turns out it happened 2 weeks later. Totally EPAC’s fault for not following me up. I’ve now got a 4 month old so don’t give up hope.

Take the time to grieve and rest up xx

1 like
Reply

Sorry for your loss hydromermaid. Congrats on your baby, nice to know that it can be successful again xx

1 like
Reply

Oh Lord!Thats really painful.I know you have become mentally and physically weak.But lady you have to be strong.I can't advise you in this matter.But I hope someone can give you a good piece of advice.I know its a terrrible journey for you.Lots of prayers and love for you my sweetheart.

Reply

Thanks BellaD10 xx

Reply

Dear Cryst i’m so sorry!!! It’s shocking and utterly devastating!! I’ve had 2 missed miscarriages- one at 8 weeks - died on the day of the flight and had an ERPC when I came home a week later...felt like the end of the world and the second was at 7 weeks - after hearing a beautiful heartbeat at 6 weeks 😢. Again I had an erpc. As I had my 2nd miscarriage investigated it turned out the baby girl embryo had trisomy 22 and would never have survived. Please do not lose hope, as bad as you feel now you will get stronger and try again. I’m currently 17 weeks pregnant after my 7th embryo transfer (previous ones resulted in bfns, 2 chemical pregnancies and a loss at 14 weeks) if we can keep the faith alive and keep trying anyone can!! Before you decide on your next cycle please ask for a blood test to ensure you don’t have any blood clotting issues like myself. I was only tested after 5 miscarriages and could potentially have saved myself from being drained emotionally and financially. Look after yourselves and i’ll pray for your strength. I preferred surgery as it’s over and done with, less painful and you don’t have bleed for long after as you would with pills/natural x

1 like
Reply

Hi Natalia, so sorry for your losses but congrats on your pregnancy and well done for carrying on fighting on this journey. Appreciate your feedback on the process. Something I havent decided yet xx

Reply

So sorry to read this, it’s truly heartbreaking!! I had a MMC at 10wks just at the end of March!! It really is so tough!! I chose surgical management, that’s what I felt was best for me but everyone is different!! please just message if I can answer any questions for you!! Sending luv & strength!! xx

Reply

Hi Leo, thank you. It is heartbreaking. Im sorry for your loss too. I hope you are bearing up ok xx

Reply

Oh sweetie I’m truly devastated to hear this. So sorry for your loss. Your emotions will be all over the place .

I lost a pregnancy at 4.5 weeks but had bleeding before my scan so knew I’d lost the baby. Luckily there was no pregnancy content left so my period just arrived 28 days after the last bleeding I’d had during the miscarriage.

I know for some losses medical intervention is necessary but your medics will be able advise you on that front.

It’s one day at a time but this will get better in time . Look after yourselves xoxo

Reply

Thanks Jess. I am totally broken. I dont know what I want or feel anymore. It feels like youre in this black hole.im sorry for your loss. Good luck for your lap. I hope it goes well. We be thinking of you xx

Reply

Bless you , thank you.

I know it will feel very raw for quite a while. I remember just crying constantly. The emotions you are feeling are normal. It’s so emotionally draining but part of the grieving process.

It won’t feel like it now but you will get through this and you will find the strength to fight again. ❤️You will never forget but you do learn to live with it.

I’m sorry you are going through this ☹️ and sending lots of love your way xoxo

Reply

Hi Hun, I'm so very sorry to read this. I've had 2 mmc in the past so I totally understand how devastated you feel, it's a bloody awful thing to have to experience. I had a ERPC with both of my losses & found the process itself ok. With the 2nd one I had really heavy bleeding beforehand so ended up in A & E etc which wasn't nice. I would do what suits you best as it's a personal choice & take time to grieve etc. In time you will find the strength to battle on in order to become a mum. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant now... Not taking anything for granted but hopeful it will work out this time. Wishing you lots of luck for the future xx

Reply

Thanks hun.im sorry re your losses.Its just awful isnt. After everything we put into this, and then this happens. I appreciate your feedback on the process. I havent decided anything as yet. Congrats on your bfp xx

Reply

So very sorry to hear the news. Sending love x

Reply

Thanks nix44 xx

Reply

I am so sorry to hear your news. Sending you all the love in the world 💕 xxx

Reply

Thanks caza2009 xx

Reply

Having had two missed miscarriages I can totally empathise with your shocking news. I’m so very sorry for your loss xx

Reply

Thanks Vicky. I know you understand how it all feels. It really sucks. You keep asking yourself why xx

1 like
Reply

Awwww lovely. I'm so sorry. I also know what your going through. I feel it's the mental part that really brings you tp the decision that's right for you. I initially thought I'd like it to happen naturally after two days I made the desicion for Medical management due to my head being completly messed up. It was a, draining and painful experience but the support from my partner and others on here got me through it. You do what's right for you and, any questions just ask we're all here to help if we can. Huge hugs hun so sorry your having to go through this.

😘💞

Reply

Thanks hun.sorry for your loss. I appreciate your advice on the process. I will make a decision soon. Thank you for the support. Xx

Reply

Hi Lidya, whilst I appreciate your reply, I think at this time its quite raw to start thinking about all the reasons why I had a miscarriage and what you class as the cause to which I am not sure whether you are basing it on medical facts or from actual evidence from the drs as to why a mc occurs?? Its a little upsetting to read to be honest. I need support right now, not people telling me where I have gone wrong and what I should be doing.

Everything you say above is common sense for most women who are pregnant. Not sure if you are aware, but miscarriages can actually occur when there are genetical issues when the embryo forms. This is one of the most common reasons. I have not made mistakes with my concieving as you suggest.

Reply

You are so right cryst41 - my consultant said at my age 50% of my embryos could develop abnormally which I have no control over.

MC is so random and cruel.

Sending love again today to you both. xxx

Reply

Exactly eb2001.it can happen to anybody whether going through ivf or natural. Thanks my love. Feeling low today. Its hit me xx

1 like
Reply

I’m so sorry to hear this, sending you huge hugs x

I’ve never had a missed miscarriage... the early losses I had came on naturally. I don’t think there is any ideal way to miscarry & my heart goes out to you, it really does. You can do some practical things to make it more manageable though... block some time off work to give you time and space to heal. I bled very heavily so making sure you can be at home, with ample supply of sanitary products & a hot water bottle to sooth the pains. Hopefully there is someone you can talk to, who can give hugs on tap & can sort out meals for you if you don’t feel up to it. I really am sorry that you are having to go through this, it feels so cruel 😢x

Don’t listen to the rubbish above, your miscarriage has absolutely nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do... our bodies have an extremely well-honed embryo quality-control filtration system, and if something isn’t quite right with embie then that is the number 1 reason it didn’t progress. And I know it’s small comfort, but what you can take away is that your body is willing and able to get pregnant & there is every chance that the very next embryo, whether IVF or natural, will be the one & you will get your rainbow baby 🌈 🤞

In the meantime, take your time & be kind to yourself xxx

1 like
Reply

Thanks so much hun and your kind words and support. It means a lot at this time. Im sorry for your loss last year. The cruel comments above did upset me and make me doubt myself in thinking it was my fault but i will ignore them. Some people are heartless. It must be a fake account. I am taking away the fact that I did actually get pregnant on my first round of ivf and still have a lot left in the freezer. Xx

1 like
Reply

So sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you lovely. And please ignore that unkind post above, I think lidya2 is one of the fake accounts on here. Complete saddos 🙄 doesn’t make it any easier for you does it. No other advice just one day at a time. Lots of love xx

Reply

Thanks littleblue. I know its not very nice to read the comments from lidia. They dont have anything better to do. Its such a difficult time, last thing you need is people trying to say it was your fault that it happened. Xx

Reply

I’m so sorry 💔 I had medical management last year for a mmc and I have to say physically it was pretty easy, and less traumatic compared to how I feel now waiting for this one to start. But it’s such a personal decision lovely xx xx

Reply

Thanks hun. I am so lost right now, but I hope in time I can heal with my husband. I think ill wait a week or so then go for medical mngt as I dont want to waiting for weeks. Thank you for your feedback and im sorry for your loss xx

Reply

Thank you lovely, it really is such a horrible time, that loss of a future we were desperate for😞 I can say sadly from experience that in time you will heal, and things will be better again. My advice would be to let yourself be as sad as you need to be, remember you have each other, and one day you will feel stronger to make whatever decision is right for you. If you ever need to talk then please just shout xxx

Reply

Thanks lovely, likewise, here if you need to talk xx

Reply

Thanks Donna. Yes IVF can fail, there is never a guarantee at the end of it. 50% of embryos once collected are abnormal with genetics. I had 13 good quality blastocysts. But a blast does not guarantee you a well formed embryo!! Not sure your dr tokd you that! Whilst I appreciate you telling me I may not have taken care of my diet, again, this really isnt the time to make cruel suggestions. I am devastated as it is and require support from people at this awful time. The last thing I need is people telling me it was my diet making me feel worse than I already feel. There is no factual evidence on anything. You can take care of everything well whilst doing ivf and after transfer and some people still have a devastating ending. Please try not to judge.

Reply

Really have to disagree with you there. The main reason for infertilty is not stress and depression. Its a lot more complex than that. Also infertilty causes stress and depression and to say overcome this critical situation. Our lovely friend has miscarried her nature is going to be low and depressed she doesn't need comments like stress and depression is the main reason. It really is not. What you've said isn't helpful at all.

I'm sorry Crystal. Couldn't read that and not respond on yours and everyone's behalf. Sending lots of love to you lovely and big hugs 😘😘💖💖

2 likes
Reply

Thanks my lovely. Ive had some cruel comments today which have upset me and made me doubt myself and scared of posting on this forum. Thank you for supporting and posting the message above.Im not sure why these people think its ok to send cruel messages at this difficult time. We have had a lot of fake profiles lately. Not sure why they get kicks from saying the things they do. Where has this navita got her facts from?! Thank you for the hugs hun. Xxx

Reply

Bless you lovely, gosh iv missed the fake profiles. Maybe she is one. Sad people.

Don't ever feel scared to post hun we've all got your back and the randoms that say cruel things will get dealt with and blocked.

You just look after yourself lovely and don't forget we're all here for you.

😘💖

Reply

Thanks hun. Really nice to know that I have some of you lovely ladies amongst a few trashy profiles on here. I tried to reply back to Navita on here but it wouldnt allow me. I guess it says it all, sad and fake profile xx

Reply

It's allowed you to reply hun. I can see the reply I liked it.

Fake or not her info and reply is wrong and unhelpful and completely unfair. Lots of love hun 😘💝

Reply

Thanks hun. Of course its not on either way. Xxx💕

1 like
Reply

😘😘💝💖

Reply

Navita, Would you like to explain what medical facts you have found as to why we miscarry? How is stress and depression the main cause? Who and where have you even got this information. Again, I dont need people telling me cruel things like this, I would rather you kept your opinions to yourself as they are unfair and cruel. If you are a fake account, you need to get a life and have a bit of respect for others going through what is an awful time.

2 likes
Reply

I’m so sorry that others are being so unkind at such a difficult time. Know that we are here for you. There is no medical backing for her comment. Ignore her. She’s talking utter crap trying to upset you she is the one that has a problem. She has no life if she gets cheap thrills for hurting others that are vulnerable.I’m so tired of seeing these fake accounts determined to upset us when we are going through enough. I wish admin could stop these fake accounts appearing. 🤦🏽‍♀️ xoxo

Reply

I know Jess, I have had a few today, they have really upset me. Im struggling as it is. I dont know why these fakeys get kicks either, they need to get a life and take a look at their own lives before judging on ours. Thanks a lot hun, I know most of you are great on here and genuine. If its not selling surrogacy on here its trashy profiles thinking they are some trained drs of some sort and say they have done research etc. What utter crap. Excuse my french. Im so annoyed. Its hard enough dealing with this. They must get some sort of kick from it.

How are you feeling hun? All ready for op? Bowel prep go ok? Xxx

1 like
Reply

She’s gone and will NOT be allowed back! Diane xx

1 like
Reply

Thanks a lot Diane xx

Reply

You will get through this and come out the other side ❤️ It’s surprising but somehow we find strength we never knew we had. Right now it’s very early days don’t expect too much from yourself; it’s okay to cry you will need to go through the grieving process. I felt numb after my loss and my emotions were all over the place. But I take the loss as progress in our journey as we never thought after 6 years of ttc we could conceive which we would never have believed ( took long to find & diagnosis of my endo found last year) As my fertility doctor said to me in March “ through the dark cloud the silver lining is you DID get pregnant and this is positive “ he’s such a nice guy. I thought it was lovely statement that didn’t de mean our loss ❤️❤️

Yesterday I started the bowel prep by going on the “light diet” today I start taking the citrafleet dreading it 🙈 my bowels are awful as it is as endo is all over my rectum ☹️I’ve done some deep cleaning yesterday and got a bag partly packed. Hopefully the endo specialist can treat the endo and it isn’t too deep 🤞🏻

Here if you need to talk xoxo

Reply

You are talking out of your backside! I’m sick of people like you trying upset others that so vulnerable. How dare you come on upsetting a lady who has just lost a child. 😡

I am sorry ladies I shouldn’t react like that but I’ve had it This is such a lovely community of people supporting each other and people like that come to ruin it. Going through a miscarriage is traumatic enough without all that.

2 likes
Reply

I cannot believe you have had cruel comments especially on this thread!

Thankfully most people on here are amazing and supportive.

How awful. Xxx

Reply

I know it really upset me. But I know most of you are lovely and genuine xx

1 like
Reply

Ignore all the nasties, lovely. I haven't seen what was written but you don't deserve anyone to make you feel bad especially whilst you're going through a traumatic time. Ignore the trolls, they must lead very sad lives to do what they do. Take good care of yourself xxx

2 likes
Reply

I will try to ignore now hun, its very cruel. Very sad lives for sure. I wonder if they have gone through what some of us have. Saddos. Trying to get through each day the best I can xxx

Reply

One day at a time. It will get easier but for now you need to grieve and that takes as long as it takes. I doubt anyone who has suffered a miscarriage would have intimated that you were to blame, miscarriages are mostly inexplicable. I've seen a few comments before where people are very matter-of-fact about miscarriages but it's really unhelpful. At the time you just need support, not reasons why it might have happened because nobody knows. It really bugs me. Xxx

1 like
Reply

Exactly right. The support is so needed at this difficult time. I have barely told anybody what we have gone through, so this forum has been a godsend. Xx

1 like
Reply

Hi I’m sorry to hear your miscarrying I had one at 12w and chose natural it took 3 days from finding out I have to say it was like early labour/strong period cramps/contractions I was having paracetamol and ibuprofen full dose didn’t touch the pain in the end got codeine which was great I was able to get out of bed and walk about which I think helped it come out sorry to be graphic. Emotionally it’s draining for quite sometime especially when ttc again. Also don’t forget to hug your partner sometime men don’t show their feelings mine struggled to cope. Xx

Reply

Thank you gcw104. Sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you are ok now xx

Reply

Hi yes I’m fine now I’m 10w pregnant trying not to get too excited but I have my scan date so 🤞🏼all will be ok. Hope your ok too xx

Reply

Thats fab, congratulations. Take each step at a time. Im just taking each step really. Have moments when Im really upset but trying to stay strong. Xx

1 like
Reply

Soff your to hear that I know how you feel I pray that God gives you strength during this time. Take time out to regroup and let your body relax for a while and try again.Good luck for next

Reply

Thanks babyjoshua.xx

Reply

Couldn’t read and run. So sorry to read this, it’s so bloody hard and unfair.

I was here in November 2016 and it was horrific. I had a natural miscarriage and it was what it was, I think you just do what you want and don’t feel any pressure to do or behave in any particular way. Be utterly selfish and also kind to yourself. You will be broken, but you will mend. Such a cliche but time really does help, you don’t forget but it becomes easier.

I went on to a second cycle with a bfp, while a nervous wreck I got there and now Mum to a 16 month old girl.

Sending love x

Reply

Thanks Daisy14.it is unfair.I'm sorry you went through it too. I dont think there is a right way with this. Thank you for your kind words. Really nice to know you went onto a successful and healthy pregnancy. Congratulations xx

Reply

There isn’t a right way, only your way. Hold on tight to the ones you love and be super lovely to yourself physically and emotionally xxx

Reply

I really felt grief for your loss. I know this must be very difficult time for you. I'm sure that you'll be successful. Stay positive. Don't take the stress. I hope this would help you to fight infertility. I hope your all wishes will come true.

Reply

I can’t offer you any advice but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. Thinking of you at this difficult time xx

Reply

Thanks Dunla xx

Reply

I’m so so sorry to hear this. I just had a MMC in March after our 3rd round of IVF. It was devastating, I know how you’re feeling 😞

I went through the EPU and this time opted for medical management as I needed to take back some control of the situation and also I didnt want to risk my lining getting damaged in case we try again.

They inserted the medication at the hospital and I went home. After about 4 hours I had some cramping and heavy bleeding but nothing too bad. I know other ladies have much more pain and bleeding but the EPU are there to help you through it. My first MMC I had surgical removal as I was in shock from the scan result when we found out the baby had died and I didn’t think I could take the emotion of passing the pregnancy at home.

The EPU can give you more info on all the options and you can decide which suits you best.

So sorry again for your loss and I’m sending big hugs xxxx

Reply

I am so so sorry Crystal. How are you bearing up, been thinking of you. I wrote a post on here or Pm but I can’t find it.

Much love. Life is cruel! Xx

Reply

You may also like...