Feeling lost after missed miscarriage

[Kitty230515]

Feeling a bit lost since having a missed miscarriage.

So my husband and I were incredibly lucky and we got a positive pregnancy test after our first round of ivf.

The 1st scan went great, it was all in the right position and we even managed to see the heartbeat.

The next scan we weren’t so lucky, we went on the Monday or our 8 week scan, we were just over 8 weeks, to be told that our baby was measuring at 7 weeks, and although there was a heartbeat it wasn’t very strong. We were sent away told to prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

Went back on the Friday our baby hadn’t grown and the heartbeat had stopped. We were told the bad news that we had had a missed miscarriage.

Then referred back into the NHS early pregnancy unit to manage our miscarriage.

We opted for medical management, but unfortunately after taking the tablets, they didn’t work. So had to go back to the hospital for another scan, to be told our pregnancy hasn’t moved.

We then opted for the surgical management.

Had the op, unfortunately a week after then got a infection so put on antibiotics

Was told by the hospital to take a pregnancy test two weeks after the op, it came back positive. Spoke to the hospital told to take another one a week later, which again came up positive.

Now had a blood test and waiting on the results of what will happen next.

Feeling so lost as this is going on, so much longer then I thought it would be. I thought after the op it would be over and done with.

We should have been 14 weeks this week, and we were told we lost our baby on 21st June.

Just don’t know what happens next xx

[CLDxxx]

Hey, so sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC too around 8 weeks and I did the medical management as I was so scared but it was actually much worse than a surgical procedure would have been - having said that it sounds like you’re still having a difficult time which means it’s harder to get your head round it all.

I don’t really have any advice but wanted to say I hope things settle for you soon.

Take some time to grieve your loss, have some rest - IVF is exhausting and so is having any type of MC so you must look after yourself 💗 when you’re ready hopefully you can try again. Sending you hugs. I understand how hard it is xxx

[Kitty230515]

Thank you for replying means a lot.

It just seems one thing after another, I’ve been trying for nearly 5 years and it was our 1st ever positive. And now when we need a negative, keep getting positives, you couldn’t make it up!

I’m sorry for your loss as well. It’s heartbreaking. Xx

[CLDxxx in reply to Kitty230515]

You poor thing. Sounds like they need to re scan you. It’s so awful how long these things can take which makes it all so much harder 😔

Take care of yourself 💗 I didn’t really speak to people about it and felt such sadness for a long time, still now and it’s been over a year but as you’ve been trying so long I know this will be hitting you hard so it’s important to open up. This group is amazing though and I wish I’d know about it at the time xxx

[Mama196]

So sorry for your loss, I had a missed miscarriage in October- found out at 13 week scan no heartbeat and only appearance of 8 week gestation. Felt like being hit by a bus! Luckily medical management went smoothly but I think I basically suffered from mild PTSD after for about 4 months- felt totally overwhelmed by life and didn’t stop thinking about it at all. Not helped by the fact nobody talks about it and you have to carry on as normal!

If I had any advice it would be to speak to a counsellor as early as possible (I felt too overwhelmed to even look for one). Especially since you’ve been through IVF as well. I saw a counsellor in Bristol who is a fertility specialist counsellor- she also does Skype/ phone appointments- please message me if you’d like her details. Best wishes for the future, it will take time but you’ll gradually get back closer to normal again, don’t rush it. I didn’t have sex again for 5 months, I really needed a long time to recover from it- it is a trauma no matter when it happens.

[Hidden]

So sorry that this has happened to you.

I had a mmc of twins at 9w in November and I remember that awful hopeless feeling where nothing mattered anymore. It does get easier even though it feels now like it never will.

We had medical management that was only partly successful and it took a further 2 weeks to pass everything. I was readmitted within a week for IV antibiotics. It sounds like they need to scan you again to see what’s left and plan what to do about it. I was scanned and because my retained product was under 2cm they wouldn’t do anything but if it was bigger they may have given me something to pass it x

[Hidden]

Sorry for your loss 😢

I’ve had 3 mmc have to say it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with emotionally even now 7 mths after my last 20 mths after my first it’s still get me overwhelmed every few weeks as we are still ttc naturally so ovulation and period times makes me anxious and highly emotional. I really want to hurry up and get pregnant or stop trying because I feel I can’t put it behind me until then. Each mc procedure was different aswel I’ve had natural, had tissue pulled out with forceps then medical management didn’t work but wasn’t needed and antibiotics just incase, and a MVA.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through, I went through similar earlier this year, with a heartbeat at 7 weeks but no heartbeat at 9, and then told it would pass naturally but it didn't, so I had surgery but kept getting positives. Sounds like your hospital is being a lot more supportive than mine was (I had to fight to even get a blood test). 4 weeks post surgery my HCG was still over 15000 so they did an external ultrasound (previously they had only done internal) and discovered some retained tissue. I went through another surgery but this time insisted they do it with a camera on the hysteroscopy so I could be reassured this would be the final one. This one was successful but I did continue to bleed for some time afterwards and it took another 3 weeks to get a BFN (although I was told I was very unlucky and it should have been quicker).

My biggest piece of advice is a) speak to someone asap - I just bottled it all up and I am still struggling months later, I should have had counselling right from the start. This is one of the cruelest things that can happen as part of the IVF process and b) if you havent already get signed off work. I worked throughout, even the day after both ops and it was a really stupid thing to do, I didn't give my mind or my body time to heal. Don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. It does get easier I promise and I am back doing another round at the moment (our 3rd) and in our 2ww. I wouldn't say I am not scarred by what happened but I am back as close to my normal self thanks to counselling. Sending you hugs xx

[Busterkitten]

I’m so sorry Kitty. I had a MMC in April and I’m still not over it. I felt railroaded into medical management and it was horrible. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you - I personally felt like I couldn’t start moving on properly until all the symptoms went (which took around 5 or 6 weeks). You just feel like you’re in limbo. Have you spoken to your clinic? I found mine where much more helpful than the hospital I dealt with for my MC. They made me an appointment to discuss next steps with them, which I’m having this week, but we’re also lovely on the phone and much less matter-of-fact that the hospital EPU. Sending hugs, and I hope you can start to heal soon xxx

[Cooking-Queen20]

Kitty, sorry for your loss. But congratulations on getting pregnant! It means it is possible for you. And that is something you should hold on to.

I also had MC in January and they dragged it out so long I went for surgical intervention. I basically went through Christmas knowing my pregnancy was not viable - after all the joy- but not receiving prompt action. Yes I am still upset and angry.

Nothing will change what you are going through and only time will allow you to feel better.

If you have a bit of fight in you I would request all medical details and actually ask for a proper review. This isn’t to apportion any blame but hopefully as part of a process to understand how tricky detecting and dealing with MC are. Only a medical professional can take you through that and they should.

Equally perhaps this can help the clinic you are in to handle these cases better. If you have issues go through the PALS system.

Best of luck! Big hug!

[Cinderella5]

Im so sorry for your loss! I have no experience with having MM or SM of a miscarriage but Im thinking of you both. I hope you get some form of closure soon.xx

[Kitty230515]

Thank you all so much for your replies. Means a lot.

I had a scan yesterday, and they have said that there is retained pregnancy tissue left, so I’m now having to have another DNC on Friday. This time under ultrasound guidance!

I asked the doctor why this isn’t done as standard and it’s because not all consultants are trained to do ultrasound guidance, which I find completely bizarre. Guess it’s all to do with costing, apparently I’m in the 5% where Surgery doesn’t work and the 10% where medication doesn’t work.

I’m just hoping Friday goes well, and I can start to move forward and start thinking about trying again xx

[crisps88]

So so sorry for your loss. Your experience sounds so traumatic and words can’t describe the pain. Take time to grieve and you need to look after yourself. Be kind to yourself your body and mind are going through so much. So sorry xxx