No motovation

[Judy18]

I am going to say sorry now as this is a bit of a long one!

So failed Fet at the end of July. This was the second fail and think i am ok. The issue is today. I have no motivation. Having some issues with family. I have a mum who at the moment thinks that every single crap situation and story needs to be dumped on me. I tried yesterday (during another call) to say i am struggling fo deal with it (and admittedly tried to do this is a light hearted way) and was met with “well it’s really hard sitting in our shoes too. We are not having a great time”. Which instantly made me feel guilty. She knows our second transfer failed. I do try to put a brave face on things but she hasn’t really acknowledged it. She sent flowers (which is nice) but i want understanding.

Since lockdown, treatment and the last month it feel like there is a distance (probably from me) that feel horrible but at the moment i feel like i may need more.

Some of this comes from past hurt and the fact that i am always at fault. Hate that some of these thoughts have also resurfaced.

Anyway, i am not sure what to do. I am still going through the daily motions (shower, work, cleaning, cooking etc) while waiting for consultation on Friday. However, today i am fighting to concentrate on work and just want to crawl in bed and hide.

I have contacted a counsellor and am waiting to hear back. Does anyone else feel this lost?

Sorry but I didn’t know where else to say all of this.

Love to all xxx

[Ranchu90]

I feel sorry that you have a rough day. I am not sharing my journey with anyone in my family or friends, I am sure they will be supportive to some extend but I am afraid they will not fully understand. Sometimes we don’t understand things and we are experiencing them on our own skin and I am wondering how they will understand?!?! Try to focus on your next steps and this will motivate you, will keep your mind away from what didn’t work in the past. Change something, do different things and think positive, believe that what changes you have done will work. Life is cruel I know that but remember what doesn’t kills you makes you stronger! Lots of love and support 🤗❤️

[Raluca88]

Hey Judy, i just wanted to say that i had a failed FET at the end of July too and it sucks, its never getting any easier and definitely some people around don't make it easier for us...i have been struggling, and on top of that my husbands family thinks that they can call us any time of day to complain about their problems and issues when especially his sister knows what we are going through and what can you really say, we want to be there for them but sometimes we have to deal with our own issues first...my sister doesn't even want to talk about me, all the conversations are about her and her daughter...

Counselling is something that helps me, i have been doing it for a while, and i feel i can talk about how i feel and actually be listened, its actually nice that you know you have your time during that session and it will make you feel better, it helped me.

I am sorry about the situation with your mum, maybe she just doesn't know how to discuss this with you... its hard for them too... but they should at least try to be there, listen to what you have to say...

About feeling at fault, i can relate to that, i feel exactly the same but i am trying to fight these thoughts as they are not helping and not beneficial for my mental health or my body.

Good luck with your appointment on Friday and try and look forward to it, concentrate on that, what questions you want to ask, what else can you do differently, of course, when you are ready for it. that keeps me going.

Sending you loads of love and hugs and just think about how strong we already are for even going through this xxxx

[jengi]

Hello lovely, I’ve been there so I totally empathise. You know it is ok to go crawl into bed and hide if that’s what you feel like. The hardest part of the journey is the emotional side, so it is paramount we listen to ourselves and do what we need. If you feel like hiding.... go and hide. Not for too long, a day, two at the most but give yourself the permission to wrap up under your duvet, read a book, sleep, watch a movie whatever gives you time out. Well done for reaching out to a counsellor. I found counselling really helpful. I used the counsellor at my first clinic which was an NHS one, she was brillant, just what I needed. I hope you find it helpful too. Be kind to yourself. With your mum, it might be helpful to say to her you are finding life emotionally overwhelming right now and you simply full to capacity and do not have the space to take on anything else, your sorry she’s having a crap time but for now (not forever) can she talk to someone else about her struggles since you don’t feel you can take them on. Stay strong! Big hugs my lovely Xx

[Peony85]

Hi Judy, just wanted to say I have felt similar when a cycle failed... I have never done counseling, but have found I feel a lot better after my post-failure consultation once I have a plan in place and can look to the future. Hope you start feeling better soon. Xx