Best friend telling me im not doing everything I can for a baby **rant!!!!**

Well!! this was interesting!!! just spoke to my best friend she lives in Australia (waiting to come home without OH long storey) and we starting talking about our 40ths (both in September this year) I said im not sure yet wether to do something and she just went on one???! She said I shouldn't be thinking about a party with drinking??????? She thinks I should not be drinking at all over this period of IVF (3 years!) Now don't yet me wrong I get where shes coming from but Jesus I dont feel i deserved that!

Ive had 1 failed OE cycle in the UK and 2 failed DE cycles in Cyprus. Im sorry but when I have a failed attempt I do tend to drown my sorrows at weekends a bit with friends to make myself try to feel better. However leading up treatment I cut it right down and knock it on the head about a month before we fly out. Interestly the clinic in Cyprus say stop drinking on transfer day!!! Anyway, now im doubting myself?! Should I go through the next god knows how many years trying for a baby not having a tipple??! Now to put things into perspective im no alcky but I do enjoy a glass of vino and a voddy and coke but I only have some at weekends after working all week? Treatment is in October should I be T - Total now?

PS this friend has 2 children one of which she was carrying while on a bender in Amsterdam! (she didn't know she was pregnant)

24 Replies

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  • Oh dear, Im a bit lost for words here! How dare your friend say something like that to you! She has no idea what it's like to try for such a long time for a baby and the emotions involved with it all. Sorry if I sound like Im being mean about your friend! No, I dont think you should be putting your life on hold for the whole however many year that you have to endure this mental, emotional and physical.....torture! I know everyone will have their own opinions on how much you should or shouldnt drink but I think what you are doing is pretty sensible! Like your friend that fell pregnant whilst drinking, lots of people are pregnant after a drunken one night stand, mistake with their partner/husband and even worse taking all sorts of substances! Dont let anyone blame you for "not trying hard enough". You know your body and you also know that we all need down time in between treatments and you've got to enjoy yourself doing whatever makes you feel relaxed and happy! Oh well, after that rant, it turns out Im not lost for words at all! Ooops! Ha ha ha xx

  • ha ha you made me laugh - shes just text and said sorry she had a bad day and taken it out on me!!

  • Glad she has apologised! Hope you're okxx

  • What the actual ****?!? That's out of order and you absolutely should not feel guilty. Until anyone has walked in the shoes of someone who suffers from (whatever XYZ) condition, no one is qualified to comment on how you conduct yourself!! Everything Cinderella has said I completely agree with. Do not feel guilty!! Big hugs xxx

  • thank you i have calmed down a bit now and shes said sorry but I will take the hug thank you ! x

  • I don't think your friend is in any position to make judgements when she has not been through the same problems and heartache. As much as we all want a baby you can't put your life on hold, life is for living. As fir how long you should abstain before treatment, I would ask what the clinic says and if they say it's ok well then it's ok 😀❤️ x x

  • Yeh I agree I feel i have put my life on hold for years .. job ... holidays... new cars... new house...

    Cyprus are a lot more relaxed than UK with it but I know girls that drink during stimming? I didnt and now im on DE its less build up on drugs for me but I still would stop a couple of months before but maybe if there was a 'do' like my 40th 5 weeks before I will have a few!

  • I know this is your friend but as she has ever been in this situation, I don't feel she has any right to comment or judge in such a way xx

  • yeh I agree.. she said shes just worried that im not doing everything possible for making the IVF work I should stop drinking and loose some more weight! i mean, shes right to a point but I dont feel i have a problem! shes not been in this country for 4 years and not seen me through any of my cycles .... anyway shes apologised now i just needed a rant lol x

  • I can imagine she was looking out for you and trying to help, but some people really have no idea on the actual reality of it xxx

  • yes this is what she said when she apologised she just wants me to be happy and have a baby blah blah .... hit the nail on the head x

  • My friend told me she could sympathize with me feeling like I am running a never ending race and worrying and feeling anxious, as she could find a stylist to work in her salon lol (she really has no clue but tries) x

  • oooo i like that one! x

  • I don't think your friend is in any position to pass her judgment on to you, the heartache through your journey, the emotions and everything that comes with it it's a tough journey. As much as we all want a baby you can't put your life on hold for the what if, life is for living and to have no regrets. We only get one shot at life. As for how long to abstain from alcohol your clinic can give you guidance on this. Big hugs x x

  • Oh Hun, some people like to sit casting judgement in their ivory towers!!! It's disappointing from a friend as she should know this would hurt u but she probably thought she was coming from a good place!! U can't put your life on hold in this waiting game!! U would go insane!!I'm flying out Tuesday and I haven't really done anything this time in preparation as I did everything right last time and it still didn't work. (I'm not saying that's right either tho 😫)My clinic in Greece told me to go have a glass of wine day b4 transfer last time!!

    Enjoy your summer-then set yourself a date that u feel good about to start the healthy what's good 4 u, not 4 ur friend xxxx

  • Fab reply thank you xxx

  • Glass house if you ask me.... no one said be t total let's face it you can do ivf by text book or do totally the opposite.

    This process is a game some win some don't it's not logic, it's not even medical it's pure flipping Luck. Have a little of what you like or what's the point...

  • I think if you're using donor eggs then there's really very little reason not to drink in moderation until you start the drugs! I'd ask her to provide her medical evidence for her theory.

    TBH I personally think there's more evidence that caffeine is harmful, but again, not relevant if you're using donor eggs until you start the drugs.

    She's talking rubbish. How dare she?!

  • I agree if I were using my eggs I get you wouldn't drink incase you damaged them and isn't it every 3 months you make eggs so guidelines is don't drink 3 months before trying to conceive... I wish I'd thought of that reply as she was shouting at me! X

  • Honestly as if you don't have enough to deal with, people get pregnant all the time drinking and eating a bad diet we have to carry on living and enjoying treats every now and then so don't feel bad for having a glass of wine every now and then. It's sounds like your being responsible and reducing your consumption in the lead up to treatment so your already doing everything that you can already Xxx

  • Thank you xx

  • Oh dear!! That was a tad OTT on your friends behalf! People don't often understand how you feel because they haven't walked that path, but I am glad she has apologised to you!!

    Irrespective of what her opinions are I am a great believer in you do what you feel is right for you. Whether that's a cheeky vodka and coke every now and then or full caffeinated coffee with a massive chocolate bar (that's my go to, so rock and roll!) so be it!!

    Going through IVF takes over your life and puts it on hold; holidays, work, events, you have to carry on living life in between.

    Enjoy planning your 40th birthday as it should be celebrated and certainly something to look forward too! Ignore what other people say they are entitled to their opinion but don't take it on board! Do what's right for you xxxxx

  • Thank you Dolly x

  • I can see your friend was trying to help but hasn't given the best moral support there xx

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