3 years trying and still no luck?

Hi I have endo which is taking ova my life been trying for a baby for 3 years no luck, my partner got sperm clumping we have tried one lot of IUI but failed starting my second cycle next week it's just getting me down all my friends r having a baby's and it's not happening for me, feel really down is anyone else going through this and how do you cope

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  • Hi thorbs04, i know exactly how you feel and what you are passing through, because i am in the same boat. Me and my husband are trying to conceive for the last 3 years as well, but with no luck. In the beginning I thought that's fine, may be I need some time till my body become ready for a pregnancy, but with the time passing and everybody around me getting pregnant without any problem it makes me feel worthless as a woman. I wish if I can give you advice which can make you feel better, unfortunately I cant. It hard to cope with such mental distress especially when you go outside and everywhere are children. However I am trying to keep my mind busy with different things. Last week we have been referred to infertility clinic so we are waiting for our appointment, i am not sure what to expect or hope, but except to try out best I don't see other option. Try to enjoy life and think positive, you never know when the miracle will come in your house, that's what we are all hoping for.

  • Hi. Sorry to hear you are so down but I totally understand. We've been trying for 8 years. I'm on my second 2 week wait (second attempt through ICSI) and was in tears yesterday because my body just doesn't work properly!! Our only problem ,we think, is my hubby's sperm count. I'm fed up having newborns thrust in my face. Not to mention big bellies.... I cope by reminding myself that I have a wonderful hubby - but I still want that baby! All I can say is keep trying and don't hate yourself for feeling low - it's natural.

  • Thanks guy it's so nice to hear from people who are going through the same as u i just want it to happen straight away and I just think what have I done to deserve this feeling really low at the moment, hope it works out for u guys take care x

  • Hi,

    Just to say good luck with your treatment. I have PCOS and have been trying to have a baby for about 6 years now. We had a year of Clomid and then tried IUI which also didn't work for us. We are now due to begin IVF this week.

    It is a difficult and lonely road at times but in a perverse way it is good to know you aren't alone, and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that we are also out here going through similar emotions.

    At times I have felt like such a failure because its my ovaries that don't conform and nothing to do with my husband. I have worried that he will leave me for a woman whose ovaries work and been so depressed because of it. At the end of the day I have had some counselling to try to come to terms with the fact that I have no control over my ovaries - I wish I did, it would be easy then.

    I don't have many words of wisdom, but I would say to try to be kind to yourself. Give yourself the best chance you can by doing everything they tell you to do and possibly look into acupuncture as I found it helped me to relax and you need to give yourself some "me" time. Anything that involves jabbing yourself with hormones is sufficient to mean you deserve a bit of pampering and relaxation in whatever form works for you.

    Yes the situation is painful and heart-breaking at times, and I don't think there is anything wrong in having some down time when the world seems just a bit too unfair and you get frustrated at useless people who give birth at the drop of a hat, or worse you have to listen to people complaining about being pregnant or how their kids are driving them mad or a colleague brings their new baby into work and everyone coos over it only for you to be stood wishing it could have been you. People are insensitive and ignorant. Being on this journey has taught me a lot about other people and myself and I know I won't make their mistakes to anyone else.

    I don't know if my journey will work or not, but we have decided that if after IVF we haven't been successful then we will apply for adoption to make our family complete. I am a great believer in fate, you follow the program and if its meant to be it will be. I think the most important part is knowing that no matter what the outcome you have tried your best with what you have had to work with.

    Perhaps if this round of your IUI isn't successful you could move on to IVF as depending upon the sperm problems, IVF where they actually inject the sperm into the egg (ICSI) may be more likely to work for you.

    Whatever happens I hope you are feeling better in yourself soon. Please take some comfort in knowing that we are out here and send our support to you, good luck x

  • So sorry to hear that you are feeling so low at the moment. Although you have been trying for a baby for three years, it seems as if you are at the beginning of fertility treatment. Hopefully, your IUI cycle(s) will work, but if not, you should be able to move on to IVF or ICSI, given that your partner has problems with sperm clumping. After his samples have been “washed and sorted”, it can leave you with lower numbers as many will be a bit lazy at swimming. Just try and be encouraged that there is much that can still be tried with you both regarding treatment options.

    It’s important that you choose how and with whom you spend your time at the moment in order to minimise any distress and to look after yourself. Also remember that most people experiencing infertility do so as a couple and often feel very isolated, so apart from each other, it might be good to confide in one of your best friends perhaps.

    There are always going to be pregnant women and babies around, we can’t alter that, but remember that you do not have to go to naming ceremonies or parties for a newborn – even with a close relative. Just send a card with perhaps a gift of money or a voucher, saying that you look forward to meeting “whoever” in the future. If you have a look at our website infertilitynetworkuk.com you will be able to see how we can support you further at this time. Meanwhile, I wish you both an eventual happy outcome.

    Diane Arnold

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