In February my sister in law told us she was pregnant. I was so upset, I realised I hadn’t dealt with my grief from kissing our baby at 15 weeks when I had to have a tfmr last April. I have been seeing a councillor and she really helped me. So much that I was fine with chatting to my sister in law. She told me that she understood it would be difficult for me and didn’t want to upset me and she even said that they’re not going to do an announcement on Facebook as she knows anything can happen anytime. I felt relieved that she felt that way and I respected that she told me that.
However fast forward to 3 weeks ago when she did a massive announcement on Facebook she was only just 12 weeks and I felt hurt like she didn’t actually care about how I felt. But I tried to move past it until today when my MIL messaged on the group chat asking her what baby stuff she wants and she will buy it for her.
I feel like I cannot get a break from all my in laws constantly rubbing it in my face that we don’t have a baby but his bloody sister does. I really hate them. But i can’t tell my husband this as they’re his family.
We have been ttc for what feels like forever and nothing. How do you all keep going? Today I feel like the best thing to do would be leave my husband so that he can find another woman who will give him kids and that his parents will care about and understand that things hurt.
Sorry for the long post. I’m just struggling at the moment.
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FandF2020
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I’m so sorry to read your post. It must be a really difficult time for you. ❤️
I totally understand how you feel as I have been in you situation with family members and friends. While they are supportive of your situation and offer help, they don’t realise doing things like this hurts this most. This is another reminder that only us IVF TTC girls get. This is why this forum is AMAZING.
Saying how you feel to someone who doesn’t understand makes you look crazy but sharing it on here makes you realise you are not alone and we have all felt this before. I’ve had the I’m so sorry what can I do? If you need anything let me know but in the same breath look at my kids pictures. 🙄
Have you spoken to your husband about how it makes you feel? Along the lines of I know they are excited and planning but it makes me feel........... I’ve had a chat like this with mine and he understands if I withdraw from a chat or conversation. You might find he feels the same way? Sharing these thoughts will make you feel better.
I’m so heartbroken to hear you say, it would be better that you Leave. I don’t think this is true. I’ve had this chat with my husband. He said the same to me. I don’t want a random baby I want his baby. I want a family with him. I will do what I can to have that.
You are married, you want a family, you love each other. This is a tough time and it’s so easy to look for a way out but girl you are tough! You’ve got this!!!! We allowed to feel crap during this time but find ways to pick yourself back up!!
I'm sorry to hear this, in all honesty it sounds like they are not being very sensitive to you at all. Perhaps it would be worth taking a break from it, perhaps leave the group that you are in with them? Just a bit of a break, politely say why, this is what I have done, I have also took a break from most profiles on FB that have announcements etc. I had to a very a frank conversation with my Mother in law when she was posting things on my fb such as'new house new baby, when you going to give me a grandkid'. She understood and has slightly backed off now.
Your Husband would not be thinking that. My other half said the same thing to me when he had to much to drink one night and broke down (we have a male factor issue) and started to list people I could get with to give me a kid. It is natural for you to feel this way and it sounds as though your in laws are not helping. Perhaps it is time for you to take a step back from them and focus on yourself. You've got this.
I’ve done the same as you! As soon as I see an announcement I remove it. I’ve muted group chats! It does help.
We have a male factor issue too and the last thing I would ever consider is leaving my other half. He also said this after some booze! Men eh??
From going through the journey I have really learned who my true friends are. Those who really care and those who just say what they think you want to hear. My longest best friend told me (Before we started IVF) I wasn’t being patient 🙄🙄
Not being patient? haha I'm glad no one has said that to me yet no idea what I would say back. I've been told by my best friend (who is now pregnant) to 'wish it into the universe' and It's not happening because it is the 'universe telling me that I am not ready'. No, I just feel like the universe is having a laugh at me recently. I'm just ignoring a lot of people now! Especially on social media.
Bloody men! he was listing his manager, his groomsmen, but moans about eating more veg and staying active like the bloody consultant has told him too.
Have you gone through IVF yet? we are waiting for our first round. We were meant to be going for IUI but our NHS has cut funding.
I’ve had those comments too! It just not your time 🙄🙄 aye right then!!
How is your hubby with it? Mine is really quiet and at the beginning didn’t want to talk about it. My OH has stopped smoking for over a year now but forgets his vitamins. 🙈🙈
I had my first round of IVF in January. Egg collection was the 29th and my nephew was born on the 31st. My young bro who wasn’t trying. Apparently it must have been his time 😂😂
I got mild OHSS and my hormones were through the roof before collection. I wasn’t allowed a fresh transfer so had to do a freeze all!
We got 34 eggs. 15 fertilised and we got 6 Top grades frozen. It’s definitely quality of quantity. I had a lot of immature follicles that decided to start growing 🙈🙈
We started preparing for a FET in February and our transfer was cancelled less than a week before our transfer because of COVID . We were heartbroken. Trying to stay positive and hope we can start again.
If you have any IVF questions I’ll try and answer them! 😁😁
Thank you! I will keep that in mind when we finally get back on track with it! That is a lot of eggs! Sorry your transfer has been delayed. I really hope it works out for you both. My Husband was just over optimistic to the point where he wasn't really trying to change anything. Then after a year think he realized and he has stopped drinking, smoking and eats better (when I'm there). He is quite open about it and has a laugh with people about his 'idiot' sperm and 'oven testicle' (he has a varicocele) but I think this is just a defense mechanism. I'm kinda glad he is like that though because gives me room to be the one constantly stressing out haha.
I'm so sorry you lost your baby. It must be so hard having to watch the excitement your in laws are feeling now.
I think the best thing to do is to mute notifications on the WhatsApp group for a while. No drama, no questions about why you left the group, just take a step back and let them get on with it xxx
Sorry about this your feelings are very warranted I posted something the same on here recently I then deleted it later as only one person responded so was left lonely with my thoughts as silly as it sounds I’m glad I’ve found someone who feels the same I’ve had the whole loop of pregnancies in the family etc and had a misscarrige last year at 12.5 week its still so fresh and I feel like people are so insensitive asking about your future baby plans etc but I do feel people just don’t recognise your feelings at that point.i think your sister in law went about things the wrong way probably wrapped up in excitement but if it was me I’d be wishing she didn’t say she’s not going to post on Facebook and saved me the grief as she went and did it anyway that was a bit cruel sorry to say but if you had known she was going to post something you could have protected yourself and not gone on Facebook again I’m sorry your hurting lovely I’ve often said I want my partner to find someone else I hope you can find some peace in yourself relax and not be too hard on yourself I wish you all the baby dust in the worldx
Sorry my darling. God will do it for you. He will give you double for your troubles. I know how hard it is becos I've being there. May almighty God grant your heart wishes and I assure you it will end in praise. Sorry for your loss. You will definitely be a mother in Jesus name Amen.
Sent you a message x
Hey sorry about how u feel. Have you tried fertility treatments?
My dear you just narrated my story but let me tell you this. She has the right to post her baby news anytime becos it is her time. Your own time is coming please. My husband was always quarrelling with my sister to stop telling me about her pregnancy news but my sister got angrier. I cry all the time someone falls pregnant until God answered me.
Yes, after six good years, two failed painful ivfs and one miscariage. And guess what I was approaching 40 arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Last year September I decided to try naturally again. I lost weight from 85kg to 75kg. I have multiple fibriods so I stopped all dairy foods. Stopped eating bread, started eating Cous Cous in place of rice and pasta. And I was drinking more fruit juice I made myself, like Spinach, kale, berries or any fruit of your choice.
I bought proceive maximum supplement for myself and proxeed plus for men for my husband. It's very good for sperm counts and sperm motility/morphology. Some sperm can't swim to meet the eggs, Dr told me that so I made sure my husband takes his two sachets a day as recommended. I also bought clearblue digital for ovulation and we had sex the day of ovulation and the day after. I don't get up the bed quickly, I raise my legs up for 10mins with pillow underneath and after sex, I just lay in bed. Yes, we try to take a week off work especially during ovulation week so as to prepare and relax our body.
And more importantly prayers. Now I believe God can move mountains.
My dear you can cry now but your time of happiness and joy and dancing is coming. You will be happy again. Don't let your husband go.... Remember it is for BETTER FOR WORSE TILL DEATH DO YOU PART. That was your marital vows. Hang in there, the gracious God that remembered me will surely remember you and your lovely husband. Hugs hugs hugs. It will end in praise. Sorry for my long write ups.
Hi do you mind me asking if you got pregnant naturally when you lost weight and changed your diet? I will look into proxeed plus for my husband as he has slow/low sperm count.
I'm approaching 41 and am giving up already with miscarriage and failed ivf
Yes I got pregnant, that's why I'm sharing what I did by God's grace it will help someone else. Pls when you get pregnant, try and rest for three months to minimise the risk of miscarriage. When I got pregnant I had to stop work and stayed at home for three months so as to pass that stage of miscariage. You need plenty of rest. Becos my first miscariage happened at work. I was working as a healthcare assistant in a care home. God will do it for you I understand how you feel becos I've being there. Don't forget your prayers pls. Don't give up pls, throw your age away in your mind becos God will do it for you. Pls make sure your husband takes his supplements, very important. Plenty hugs.
This is terrible I'm so sorry that you lost your baby. I feel like this will be happening to me if any of my relatives got pregnant too. I'm not sure if you're religious but I hope God will bless us finally with a healthy baby.
I completely understand where you are coming from with this one..... I had a still born (conceived naturally) and miscarried twins (1st round of ivf) and when all of this was going on for us we noticed every man and his dog was pregnant, everyone at work, family members, friends.... we were surrounded.
The way I got through it was believing one day it would happen for us and do you know what it did!! We now have a gorgeous 15month old little boy.
I know it's tough but please try to put yourself if there shoes a little too, they are becoming a family and wanting to announce their huge news.... you'll be exactly the same when it happens for you!
As for your in laws and messages etc, tru and speak with your husband and tell him how it's making you feel because he can then have a word with his family which I'm sure he'll be happy to do.
Please don't feel your husband would be better off without you, he married you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, in sickness and health....
There are so many ways to have children these days and if it doesn't happen naturally or through ivf theres so many other avenues to explore, have you spoken about these options with your husband....
Please just try and stay positive, miracles do happen xxx
I’m so sorry you feel this way. I got married in August 2018 and had a miscarriage too. And i’m still not pregnant. I have many pregnant family members and friends, so I can understand how hard it is.
Your mother in law is very insensitive and I would avoid being part of these chats or look at social media. I had to deactivate facebook and instagram and luckily my husband’s family do not make comment in the whatsapp group chat or I would leave the chat immediately. I already avoided family gatherings with pregnant women present, I’m not sure what I’ll do when they’ll have their babies and I’ll have to go for celebrations. Please do whatever makes you feel better and don’t worry about others. Clearly they are not worrying about your feelings.
Did you contact you gp and had any tests for fertility? I did and I discovered I have Polycystic ovaries and I ovulate rarely, which is why I struggle to conceive.
I’m sure our rainbow baby will arrive at some point, we are still so young! Please do not give up and I hope your husband is being supportive.
We are all here to accompany each other on our journeys! If you fee low and want to message me fee free.
Thank you all for your comments. I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate every single one of you lovely people. I woke up this morning feeling a lot more positive after reading all your comments.
I have left the group chat, I spoke to my husband about it all and he spoke to his mum as he was also upset with the message. She apologised and said she didn’t even think, which is the problem. They’re all thoughtless when it comes to our situation. Absolutely no one in his family has ever had anything like this happen to them. But they haven’t tried to understand either.
She actually came round to drop some stuff off to us (doing social distancing) and she didn’t mention it at all. My husband assumed she came to apologise to us but not one word was mentioned.
We’ve both decided that we are going to take a step back from them for a while.
I had an appointment with the gp to discuss tests but then lockdown happened so everything will Is on hold.
Without all of you reassuring me I would still be hopeless. But hearing how strong you are makes me feel like I can be too.
I’m sure we will all get our rainbow babies in our time.
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How to cope? 
Grief at the most innapropriate time.
Literally no one to talk to anymore
What to do... 
