So my mother in law is desperate for a grandchild all of her friends have grandchildren. She visits all those houses on a whim to see the babies/kids yet never calls around here. She's said in crowds of people oh hopefully il be next for a grandchild. Full well knowing that we have issues, even a week after finding out it didn't work she's dropped hints.
I feel like im unless a grandchild is produced, my house isn't good enough. Don't get me wrong nobody has said that but it's how I feel. I feel isolated from everyone with kids not because I have a problem but they think I'm sensitive to the fact they have kids and I can't get pregnant.
I've never once shown any signs of jealously ect towards people in fact I'm more interested and check in more.
I will sit by my childless self with no visitors whilst the other half is on night shift. Haha. Needed to rant about that.
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I am really sorry to hear this. We really can't pick our families. People can be really insensitive at times and maybe she doesn't realise how much it mother's you. People just randomely throw out things like 'When are you getting pregnant?' like it is so easy.
I don't have that problem. My problem is seeing my parents love my brother's children and worrying that I won't have the opportunity to give them children to love as well.
Try to feel better and I hope regardless of where you are on your journey that you will overcome your problems and have your own children xx
Rant anyway people can be very frustrating but just remember you want a baby for you not to please other people! Don’t let the pressure of “what other people want” make this any harder than it already is.You probably put enough pressure on your self let alone take into consideration what other people want.❤️
Sucks hun! I don’t see or talk to my nan because she always touches my stomach and says when?.
I avoid all social gatherings and my family don’t invite her now for things they want me at.
This was quite a drastic measure so I would suggest either asking your partner to, or talking to her directly and being super clear what behaviours you want her to change. If she sees how upsetting it is maybe she’ll think more...maybe even show her this thread?!
Infertility has totally opened my eyes to how insensitive society is in general. Sending hugs. Good luck with your transfer. I’m in tww on our 3rd transfer and my emotions are all over the place too. ❤️
You’ve done well to go so long. I had only been trying naturally about 6 months when I stopped seeing my nan. 3 years on its more ingrained than ever to avoid her. Maybe just avoid her during treatment. These hormones can be hell 🤯
Oh crap! I know how it feels. The only one that never gets invited to your friend's kids bday parties. All of your friends have playdates where they see each other and you dont know what's going on......the list is endless!🙄 dont even get me started on my MIL, she is literally not interested. Gave her the benefit of the doubt that she may have felt awkward but just heartless really.....says kids arent everything!🤯👊🏻 so I guess I'm on the opposite boat to you there but its shit either way. On one hand it makes me angry but on the other, I just think F off. We are fighting a bloody hard fight & it is lonely even with good parent support & friends. Nobody understands the longing, heartache or emptiness in our hearts.....sounds cheesy but stand strong, it takes a huge amount of strength to go through this....💪🏻 Hang on in there and rant anytime!!xxx
Thanks! There's people who resent having their kids too young or whatever that say oh don't do it I'm like if only you struggle like us. Then you'd hold your tongue 🙄 xx
So sorry, I think her behavior is not acceptable, but dear why do you even bother? This journey is difficult enough, don’t let her to upset you. Don’t get upset if she is not visiting, believe me the way things are, you could even get more upset if she would...
Well you don’t need that energy around you Hun so good job she isn’t coming over . I really don’t understand these MILs . My one kept on going on about how she wanted a grandson - does it really matter what the sex of the child is? . You are not any less than anyone who has had a child. When your time comes just pick and choose who can / cannot come and see you then . Maybe they won’t be worthy any visiting rights lol. All jokes aside you carry on ranting. We have all been in a situation like this and are here for you x
I understand the frustration! My mother in law kept on badgering me about a baby and said ‘have the doctors found out what’s wrong with you yet’ then last week she bought me a baby onesie with ‘I have worlds best mum‘ on it. I think this is from a good place but because we’re not pregnant and struggling this just made me sad. A reminder that I don’t have a baby to put in that onesie. I’ve started to politely ignore her, you did make me laugh ‘sit by childless self’ 😂 Feel Like that all the time! Good luck with your Transfer! X
Ooh I’m sorry you have to deal with this insensitive & unacceptable behaviour especially when she should be supporting you. You focus on you and look after yourself. Xx
I totally understand you. My mother in law always talks about her friends’ grandchildren, so many were born after my miscarriage. We told her we are now going to a private clinic and this didn’t shop her from wanting to show us pictures of these babies, talk about baby names etc every single time we meet. She also doesn’t get it when there are gatherings and I refuse to go because I don’t want to see the babies. It’s surprising for me since we is a counselor and also had a late miscarriage herself... anyway.. who cares! Now I understand she just doesn’t get it and I don’t care. This journey is already difficult and I will certainly not let her make it even harder for me! Try to keep a positive mindset, you might want to try the meditation app Evoke before your FET. Hopefully it’s a ‘third time lucky’ for you. All the best 💕
That best describes what she's like with me. Constantly showing pictures etc which I honestly didn't think I minded but I always think there's an intention behind it 🙄
Please rant away. It’s always good to rant to people who are completely on your side. When I was pregnant last year we couldn’t wait to tell my in laws thinking they’d be so excited. Yes they were when we told them but afterwards when we lost the baby all they could say was ‘ it just wasn’t meant to be’ then when we’d been ttc 10 months later my sil announced her ‘accidental pregnancy’ and My mil hasn’t left my sil alone. Even during lockdown she would go round there and decorate rooms in her house or spend all day in her garden. So quite frankly I was glad she didn’t care that much about us. We are extremely lucky and I’m now pregnant but we haven’t told told them and won’t for a while. I couldn’t cope with the interfering, it’d drive me mad.
They felt insulted when we kept the lay transfer to ourselves so we've told them this time. But honestly it was like she wasn't bothered but keeps hinting 🙄🙄
I totally understand your frustration! People can be so insensitive and ignorant! My MIL 'didn't understand this IVF stuff' never bothered to ask any questions or even appreciate the journey we were on.
Safe to say I've kept her at arms length since, she now tries to tell me how to parent to which I just shut the conversation down as I'm just not interested (I know I'm awful but you've no idea!)
It is difficult but sod anyone who isn't along for the ride with you, for the sake of keeping the peace I'm afraid its deep breaths and counting to 10, retain that energy, because it's just not worth getting irate about. Some people just don't get it, and that's OK because in years to come you'll remember who supported you through 😘
That sounds really hard and I really don’t know what goes through someone’s head to think that’s ok. My MIL was a bit like this. When we started ICSI her response was to cry and say ‘make me a grand daughter’ (she already had 2 grandsons). She would often ask me how my friend’s babies were even though she had no interest in my friends before, just when she knew they had babies. She was really surprised when I didn’t drink on my birthday (due to fertility drugs) and told me I was getting old. The day after my last failed transfer she started talking about how many grandchildren are on the other side of her family. It was clear she just didn’t get the impacts of infertility but I had never talked to her about it because I knew she’d say something to upset me. I ended up sending her a massive text explaining the process emotional effects in detail. I got a nice response back and I honestly don’t think it had crossed her mind that I was sad in any way. She has been much better since I sent the message so I just thought I’d share what I did x
It’s ok love,I’m sure the kids will come when they are meant to, as for the MIL, well what a caring person she sounds like.........🙄 really.
I’m so sorry how your mother in law is treating you. My mother in law was like that- we felt second best to my brother in law & his partner ( coz they produced a grandchild when we couldn’t 😌) In my pregnancy she drove me potty- kept going on how much she wanted a granddaughter ( she had 3 sons) ( to us the gender didn’t matter after a 7 year struggle why would it!) when it was revealed she got what she wanted she then criticised us for buying pink stuff in case we had a boy afterwards! Then banged on about when we were trying for another baby ( literally a month after having our daughter) needless to say we didn’t tell her when we started to try again ( didn’t want the pressure) until we had success ( I’m 5 weeks pregnant so very early days) We still feel second best they have gone on family days out & holidays without inviting us but we couldn’t care less we have the family that we have always dreamed of. I tolerate her for hubby’s sake & she sees Francesca most weeks. What’s that wonderful expression “fake it” 🤣 Put yourself & your needs first. This is a hard enough journey without toxic people that bring nothing to the table. Good luck with your transfer I really hope it is successful xxx
Sorry to hear this, been there myself it’s hard. Try not to take it to hart, and focus on yourself and your partner. Going through IVF is hard enough, without family expectations on top. Be kind to yourself xx
Oh honey, I really feel for you , some people hey but when it’s someone who should be supporting you not putting extra pressure on you That’s even worse. You’re not on your own we are all here knowing exactly how you feel. I think so many people don’t know what say then end up saying the thing that is the worst thing to say but that’s not the same as someone deliberately saying things when they know your going through this.
I would say hun it takes 2 to have a baby and you are NOT useless, you are good enough and one day you will be the best mummy whether it’s through IVF, naturally , adoption, surragacy, egg donar, Foster Mum etc being a mum isn’t just about the conception it is the nurturing of a child from whatever age they come into your life so tell your MIL to butt out and it will happen when it’s meant to happen xxx
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to respond. I'm so glad I'm not the only one out there with issues haha! I was definitely having an emotional day yesterday and feel better about everything. I'm going to continue to ignore the shitty comments and focus om transfee number 3 hopefully next Monday if the lining is right. Another thing to mention when we told them we'd spent £1500 on the era biopsy. They were aghast at the cost and asked how we'd afforded it 🙄 obviously didn't notice my husband working 70hour weeks with overtime because it means so much to us x
☹️ I wouldn’t bother to involve them if they can’t be supportive. It’s not their business. Anyone whose experienced infertility would spend/do anything if it gave them a better chance of having a baby. Definitely ignore the comments. I have found most people do not understand infertility- my mother in law had the cheek to say she knew how hard it was as they’d struggled to have her second son for a whole 8 months cheeky to compare it to 7 years hardly in the same bracket! 😂 I don’t blame you for pursuing further investigations. Focus on yourselves & your journey & put yourselves first. Good luck xxx
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Don't even know where to start!
RANT!
