It staggers me how little those around us under stand this journey.
My sister in law has banned me from seeing mynephew- I didn't react well when she told me they were expecting. I tried to smooth it over but again was rejected. I have brought baby clothes fir him when it kills me its not our baby. And to make things worse she left two children and can still have another child sigh. She smoked throughout the pregnancy and whilst breast feeding. And has the nerve to make me into the bad guy. 😒
It has come to a head. It is his first birthday on 3rd June. We assumed we were both invited. My sister in-law banned me from attending- and wonders why my husband will not go when I'm not welcome. And wrote a nasty message to my husband. I was not impressed by this. My husband was desperately trying to spare my feelings and told me we won't go as there is a heavily pregnant women attending. I was insisting that we should go coz its the right thing to do-yes seeing babies and pregnant women is difficult but as I said to my husband we are on our own journey and we will get there- we have to sit tight.That is the point he told me about the message. It was really nasty and she was angry that he wouldn't go without me- and not to bother with a gift coz Leo woukdnt notice. So even tho upset by this I still tried to be the better person. I sent a nice message about burying the hatchet- and she sent me a nasty message saying I wasn't welcome in leos life but oli is. I'm sorry but we come as package- oli will not be unloyal to me. This is designed to cause shit between us- but unbeknown to her going through infertility we are a strong unit and this won't break us. I feel so sorry for my husband- his mother will no doubt take kellys side the one that give her the precious little grandchild that I haven't managed to in six long years.
I am feeling very sensitive right now with the left pain and my periods being all over the place and lasting less than two days which isn't helping my hormones.
I know everyone here will under stand and be fully supportive of me- you are all amazing people I wish others were like this... X
What a sad situation. And it will only be made worse by her childish behaviour. You have tried. You have been the bigger person. Oly sounds like an absolute rock.
Families are sometimes the hardest people in your life. Don't be around people who will cause you pain - especially at the moment xxx
Hey honey. Im sorry that ur having to face such uncareing people. How unsensitive of her to do this to you. She seems like a really nasty woman. Its very obvious she is trying to create problems with ur hubby by only inviting him. Good on your hubby for taking ur side and wont go without you. Its the right thing u guys are a package indeed. Try not to let this get you down. Lots of hugs and kisses.xxxx
God Jess this is a cr*p situation to be in! Sadly I think you have done all that you can and if this is her decision then you just have to let her be for now. You are being strong even although you dont feel it. Supporting each other is the main thing in all of this and try dont let your sister in laws spiteful attitude wear you down. Im sure your husband can see that you've tried to make amends and he wont hold any of it against you. Chin up, you are strong even although you dont feel it sometimes!xx
So hard. You really don't need this at the moment.
I'm with Emu; choose your battles at the moment, and this is probably not one of them. Well done re sending a nice message and suggesting burying the hatchet.. I am so sorry that was rejected. Hopefully things can be mended (if you want) later..
My only wonder is if Olly can chat to her in person or on the phone and even explain about the treatment/your hormones, your pain... and whatever has happened and been said, family is more important and can we draw a line and start again? But whatever, perhaps good to have a break from each other for a few months, but would she then be willing to try again?
Aunties and Uncles are such a wonderful part of children's lives.... I am so grateful for mine. Huge well done for being so brave to want to continue to be part of Leo's life and even WANT to go to what sounds like a hellish birthday party!!! You are a hero to want to hang on in there...I am so sorry cruelly rejected.
Be blessed, be kind to yourself... Try to distract yourself from thinking about it too much if you can. Easier said than done. But rant and cry it out if you need to. Glad you shared here. Big hugs. xxx
I'm sorry you're going through this-if everything else just isn't enough. She sounds like a vile woman and of she doesn't let you be a part of Leo's life then they are worse off, not you.
It's so terribly sad that these women who don't take care of themselves or their children get pregnant at the drop of a hat, whilst we struggle on.
Sending you a big hug and wishing you lots of baby luck.
But believe me u don't need people like her around u at this time. U need nice people who r not hurtful. It's a blessing in disguise maybe. Rather than getting humiliated and hurt every time. Now she's given a reason to keep distance with her.
You've been amazing. U r a great soul. And dh is supportive. Just appreciate what u have and just focus on ur fertility issues and meet ur friends or family who r nice to u.
Oh how awful for you, I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here but she sounds like a very unpleasant and immature person. However good for you for sticking together, you should be proud of yourselves for that. Keep focused on you & your hubby and your own path and don't let someone as nasty as that get to you, you have enough to deal with. Big hugs xx
How terrible.im really sorry that your sis in law is being so insensitive.this is what we go through with infertility issues.i myself have had to cut some people out of my life .its sad that its mostly my dear husbands family but i had to stand my ground and tell them to buzz off.i did not choose to struggle with this and i dont need people making my life hell because of it.i hope you will be ok.try again to make amends in a few months time.if it fails so be it.you cant please everybody.
Your SIL's behaviour is thoroughly unpleasant! It feels like she is blowing a bad day out of all proportion, especially when you have extended the olive branch and been the bigger person, so this is disappointing and nasty! I don't speak to my sister's partner (a long story, he is a bit of a psycho!) and it is a very trying and upsetting scenario. I wish it was different, but it's not.
I absolutely second the opinions on here that being around people who drain you and make you feel unhappy is rarely worth it, especially when you are going through so much at the moment. Look to the people who will support, love and nurture you. Chin up hunny xx
PS some people should have to apply for a licence to become a parent! It is shameful the amount of mothers who do not understand what a privilege it is.
So sorry your going through this, I can definitely relate in a way..My sister in law announced her pregnancy the day after I found out my 2nd IVF cycle was unsuccessful, they already have a 4 year old son but she told me she now knows what its like to struggle to fall pregnant as this time it had taken them 5 months which broke her every month. Safe to say I didn't take the news well and things have been difficult between us since.
Families can be the most difficult to be around but it seems to me you've done everything you can to be the bigger person and clearly your husband knows that to, I'm glad you have each other x
Argh sounds like she is a truly unpleasant individual! You have done everything possible to make peace with her and move forward, but she obviously can't see past herself to think about your feelings, which is a real shame. Your Oli sounds like a great guy and you're a fab team. Don't waste energy on those who don't deserve it, you need to focus on yourselves, learnt that lesson myself over the last few years! Chin up lovely xxxxx
She sounds throughly unpleasant and unreasonable. Most people would has responded to attempts to smooth things over. Unfortunately with some people it's never going to improve. It's good your hubby is supportive of you. I doubt there's much point in him trying to reason with her but he could say he is disappointed she doesn't feel able to invite you. I can understand you not wanting het to know all about your fertility struggles. He could say you were having a few personal issues at the time of the announcement but remind her that you have apologised for that previously.
You could put the money you'd spend on presents into an account for your nephew and buy him something when he is older and can choose something with his uncle and aunt.
Try not to let her get to you, much easier said than done I know.
I haven't read all the comments, but I would quietly encourage my hubby to go, if he can bear it, for him and his nephew to have a relationship, (that you can join in in the future... Nothing lasts forever), and for hubby to maintain his family ties... You are being the grown-up that way.
And he can maybe find time (maybe on snother occasion) to quietly say he's sad to be coming to family stuff on his own, and what a tough time you and he are having, and another chance to explain why you didn't react too well when she announced she was pg.
If you can get back to normal with them, steel yourself for the inevitable 2nd child coming along, and be ready to be very sweet about it.
My lil sis just fell for her 2nd. I feel genuinely relieved and happy (easier than with attitudinal in-laws!) as I've not been able to get pg again over 4 years, and I wouldn't want any friend or family to go thru this shite!
Good luck with your own journey.
Xx
Thanks everyone for the lovely and supportive messages- i really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. To some of your responses yes sister in law is aware of our infertility. I did message my brother in law to try and see if he could see reason-but with Kelly that hasn't happened. I have done all I can and we will move on with our lives. It's not worth us being upset with. To cheer oli up we have booked up a holiday to Malta for his birthday which is in February something to look forward to 😂 x
I wish people wouldn't be spiteful I have someone I don't get on with and they don't deserve their daughter never mind to be pregnant again! People can be horrible me and spiteful ! X
Always the worst type of person that can pop baby after baby- very unfair.
We will get there and our baby's will be worth fighting for. X
Hi Jess1981, I know that your original post was a few months ago, but your story still reminds me of my own story. My brother and sister-in-law have done ivf in the past and as a result, had their son who is now 15 months old. I was very emotional about them advertising this time in their lives and it was made very obvious that it was done on purpose to upset me and my husband. I made it very clear that I wanted nothing to do with them until they took time to realise how much they had hurt both of us as we have been ttc for a very long time, much longer than they had. I my case, the MIL has now cut me off from the family, saying that I don't deserve to be the mother of her grandchild and that she hopes we never have a child as she doesn't want my husband tying down to me forever.....I still don't have conversations with either my brother-in-law or my sister-in-law (or mother-in-law) but I did send my husband's nephew his first birthday present which they sent a message to my husband saying thnk you, although he had nothing to do with it......needless to say, we will not be informing my husband's family about the current IVF process and/or any resulting pregnancy. If I had my way, the only time they would be told, would be once we were home after the birth of the baby and even then none of them would be welcome in our home!!!!! Extended families.....who wants or needs them!!!!
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