Fertility Network UK

I'm sinking and I don't know what to do

I'm pushing everyone away coz I think it's best they not see me like this and they truly don't understand how I feel.

My mum didn't listen when I said not to come round and now she's left upset.

Everyone thinks I'm like this because it's about them. Why is it so hard to make them understand I just need time. And if I want to be angry with the world then I have the right to be.

I feel more alone now than I ever have. I feel scared for the thoughts that are in my head.

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I think you should contact your clinic and ask to take up the free counseling they are obliged to offer. I find counseling helpful xx

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I agree. Counselling sounds like a good plan. I have recently had Hypnotherapy, that could also benefit you I think. I think you need to be kinder to yourself and invest some time in yourself. Go have a massage, get some winter sun if you can afford it! Small steps, there is a way out of this.

I think if my mum knew I was feeling down, she would also still come round even if I told her not to, she loves you and that’s what mums do x

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Aww hun I'm sorry your feeling so dreadful. It really is a dark crappy place at times.

Well done for reaching out here. I wish my arms were long enough to give you a hug.

You absolutely have the right to tell the world to P*ss off. It's so lonely. And your right, people don't understand. It's a personal grief. Maybe you haven't properly grieved the miscarriage and the bfn has made everything bubble. To the surface. That's what I realised that alot of the anger and sadness was because I hadn't worked through the mc feelings and was just feeling utterly helpless.

Keep talking through the forum, don't suffer in silence hun, we're all here feeling your pain with you.

When your feeling strong enough maybe counselling might be a good step for you. In your own time, small steps hun. You've been through the mill hun and your not made of steel.

Pm hun anytime ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Thank you your words make sense x

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Hey, you have every right to be angry with the world but I guess people just want to help (even although they can't) and sometimes being alone in times like this isnt good either. Time alone with bad thoughts isnt necessarily a good thing. If you need time then that's great, just tell people you just need a bit more time and you're not ready for company yet. Nobody understands what its like, how could they...not once did I ever imagine I'd be so lonely and sad as I sometimes do going through infertility! I think the others are right, counselling would definitely worth exploring and if you dont like it or feel it doesnt help than at least you've given it a go, what's the worst that can happen right?!

You've got us here that do understand so please dont be alone, we are here to listen and share as always! Lots of love & hugs!xx

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Awww hun, I totally get where your coming from, just wanted to give you a huge hug.

This journey is so tough and I can totally get your mam still coming round ( I think mine would also ) as I'm sure she doesn't want to see you upset. Im sure you feel no one gets it and can't understand but I'm sure they want to help or try to.

Don't forget we are all here for you also, scream , cry and rant let it all out because there is nothing like this journey and it may help a little.

Maybe like the others have suggested can you get some councling in the long term xx

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I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’ve not been on the site for a few weeks but it looks like you have had a tough time.

This journey is so depressing and although you are surrounded by people who clearly love you, it’s so easy to feel completely alone at the same time.

I understand the need to isolate and protect yourself from everyone else’s concerns and opinions. You’ll talk to them when you are able to, until then you can pop on here for a chat and just turn off your notifications when you need alone time. Sending hugs xx

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Sorry your having a difficult time, you have said everything with how I felt last month and maybe a few years come to think of it. I have felt like shutting the whole world out at one point but tbh it left me feeling even more rubbish. You mustn't let this fertility journey beat you down. I now immerse myself around other people I go trampolining once sometimes twice a week with my sister, the gym on the days in between and I plan to start back up with pole classes and yoga in the new year. I have learnt to treat myself on bad days I have. I also had counselling a free session with the clinic then I had to pay but it was well worth it. Also this forum really helps me not to feel so lonely too xxx

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I am so sorry you are feeling like this, big hugs sent your way. Take whatever time you need and just try and take each day as it comes. You are not alone, so many of us on here are going through/have been through the toughest of hurdles. Speak to those that you feel comfortable with and in time you will understand that your mum is only trying to be your mum and will always worry about regardless. Try and do some nice things over the weekend if you are up to it. You have done so well to date and must believe that things are not your fault. Take care and look after yourself, PM anytime xx

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Hi, I totally understand how you are feeling. I too went through a very dark period this time last year and like you, tried to isolate myself from family and friends. I fell into a terrible depression.

Eventually I did speak to my mother and sister about the way I was feeling and some of the worrying thoughts I was having. Once they understood how I felt they were really supportive. I went to my GP and arranged with my fertility clinic to see their counsellor. I also went for acupuncture.

It really is true that a problem shared is a problem halved. Talking about it and not keeping to myself was the key to me beginning to feel better. It took a few months but eventually I started to feel like myself again.

I would also recommend getting out for a good walk in the fresh air each day.

Please be kind to yourself. You are going through a really difficult time.

Everyone on this forum understands and supports you 💕 xxx

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Totally understandable to feel angry at the world - I still do now! It’s hard because people don’t know what to say and although you know you need your alone time I think often people do what’s right for them but thinking there doing right for you if that makes sense. Maybe when you feel up to it counselling will help but for now keep talking on here, we’re all here for you xx

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Totally understandable to feel how you do. I don't think anyone can truly understand how you're feeling unless they have gone through the same situation. Take all the time you need and I have been advised counselling can be really helpful. Thinking of you and sending you big hugs ❤ xxx

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Hi,

I am really sorry you're going through this and feeling this alone... Sadly those are feelings most of us can relate to... That also means we can understand and this is a place for you to find support.

Recently I had a very bad day and after talking with my sister she started telling me of. It was a bad argument and she even said some mean things, she also said she was sorry after It all. She told me I was being negative for everything, that I had to prioritise, accept many things... After that I understood some things: when they see us suffering, those who love us, also get frustrated and that is what makes them "not understand" and think It only has to do with them, but they have the best intention. Tell them you know It is frustrating seeing you like this, and that you are facing a much worse frustration in your life, ask them to be patient. At least this helped me a little...

On the other hand, trying to feel better is something you need to do for yourself first than for anybody else. I agree counselling is a good idea. You also have us (pm any time). And try and love you: be ungry but also treat yourself, do things you like...anything that might make you smile. Because as part of this journey we often forget we have the right to enjoy too.

Lots of love xxx

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Thank you all for your words.

I reached a pretty dark place yesterday.

I had support from my amazing sister and my dear best friend. They did not leave my side.

I still have a long way to go to get over this loss. This year has been the worst of my life so the next 2 weeks can't go quick enough. I'm hoping to start to move forward ready for the new year.

Love and best wishes to you all wherever you are on your journey. It's humbling to know that you are all here when I need you. 😘

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i am so sorry for your loss. this journey is so incredibly painful - unless someone’s been through it, they can never understand the darkness, loneliness, despair, resentment - the list goes on.

i was recommended a book about grief called “its ok that you’re not ok” - it took me a while to accept that grief applies to me, but the book has really allowed me to just “be” with how i feel. i have felt so much pressure from well meaning friends & family to be myself again and i’m just not there.

you have experienced multiple losses, and how you’re feeling is totally normal.

am so glad your sister and friend were able to support you yesterday.

sending love & light 💕✨💕✨

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Hi hellsbells

As you didn't mention your problem, why you are behaving like this. Maybe this is personal. I a getting into that. But I must say your mother loves you very much, That's why she didn't want to leave you alone. But I also understand sometimes, we need our own space, no interference. I will suggest you that sit with your mother and make her realize your problem and explain to her what are you going through. You need your space. I am sure she will understand you and give you your time and one more thing don't push others away from you. Keep calm and try to spend time with your family. Good Luck.

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I’m so sorry you feel like this. I feel like I do this all the time. It’s really tough.

It’s important you spend time on yourself and keep your mind occupied. Counselling may help.

I hope you get better, there’s no easy solution, but you need to carry on living and not fall in a rut of waiting around.

I hope it gets better soon and treat yourself if you can. Xxx

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