Need your thoughts 😞

Hi everyone again, I'm really really struggling to come to terms with the news I had yesterday, I've barely had any sleep because I just can't stop thinking about it.... I need some advice on if it's normal that all 4 of my blastocysts died?

Basically when I went in for my lining scan, the embryologist said to me and my partner that 'she recognised our names because she remembered that our embryos were really good quality' and that she's expecting the first or maybe even the 2nd embryo to thaw. I can't help thinking something went wrong on their behalf? Is that possible?

I've felt really fobbed off on this cycle too, they said to me I would be receiving the scratch this time, they forgot about that and I only realised a few days ago when I googled when the scratch takes place and it says it needs to be before your cycle.

Also, when I went in for my lining scan, I went to the toilet for a wee before hand and then when a lady I'd never seen before scanned me, she said 'oooo your bladder is very full, can you not feel it?!.. can you go empty it'... I found it so strange but I got up, got dressed and went again, nothing came out so I went back, got undressed and back on the table and she said 'ooooo yes it's still very full' then she said 'oops I'm sorry it's just the hydrosalphinx in your tubes' .... how can a doctor get that wrong?

I'm 23 years old now, I'm taking things in the best I can but I still don't know a lot about this whole process and I just feel like no one is helping me at all,

😞 sorry for the rant, just need some advice/answers xxxxxxx

10 Replies

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  • Try ringing your clinic and asking if there is someone you can speak to as your not happy and feel you need questions answering. Thinking of you πŸ’•πŸ’•

  • I agree with Button. You need to call and ask for answers and they need to give you them.

    Let us know how you get on. I hope they can answer all your questions xxx

  • Morning Katie,

    I agree you should phone ur clinic.

    When this happened to me they just called to say the embryos had dispersed.

    Couldnt get my head round it. They just said they they would write out to me!!

    I was convinced it was human error in the handling of them or even the enviroment not being right.

    It wasnt until i met with the consultant that he told me when they injected my eggs there was no resistance to the needle (there should be some) so they knew then my eggs were not in good shape. I was angry we had not been told this so we could have prepared for a poor cycle.

    They said the eggs in the same incubator were all ok as they checked them incase it was the enviroment.

    Unfortunately with ivf you find out so much about the whole process but on the other hand you are always left with so many unknowns.

    I hope you get some answers as understanding is half the battle xx

  • Firstly im so sorry to read you've had an awful experience, this is simply not on at all, docking to say the least, that a process of ivf treatment is handled this way. You must follow this up and DEMAND to speak to a senior member if your clinic. How very sad you went through this experience. As always we'll be here to support you ok

  • Hi Katie, what a devastating day for you! The clinic may not be able to give you the reason as to why this happened to all of your blasts but I do think you need to at least try to get some information from them. I do know there is a certain level of risk involved thawing the embies. Perhaps you can ask what their success rates for the thawing of embryos. You sound like you've lost faith in your clinic now so if you're planning on doing another round you should probably go elsewhere for peace of mind! Sending you a big hug, it's a hellish time when you've built yourself up for transfer then have nothing to put back!!xx

  • Phone your clinic. Write it all down beforehand. I've had issues where my blood tests have been lost or I've been told I don't need a test because I've had it and then they realised they'd read the wrong month - so I had to pay Β£600+. You expect better. Carefully worded emails to your Dr's secretary that follow up a call you've made to clinic should help & I'd be happy to look over any emails you were sending. (These are just two issues!)

    Even if you're worrying over nothing - you will feel better with proper explanation - but it sounds like they've got some apologies to do to me. Shout if you need anything xx

  • It seems extremely tough that all 4 of your blastocysts perished. That was my biggest fear as we had 4 too. We were assured that the thaw rate is high; between 80/90% success but I do know that there is a lady on here that had to thaw all 4 of her embryos to get 1 left to transfer, so 3 of her 4 perished. It's heartbreaking that you lost all of yours and I truly hope that as you have age on your side, that you are able to have another shot when you feel ready. In the meantime I hope you get some answers as to why this may have happened xx

  • There's probably explanations to what's happened and it's perfectly reasonable to want answers to your questions now the news has had some time to sink in.

    I've just had a 3bb- frozen, I presume thawing that versus a 5ab has greater risks as it's smaller but maybe it's something like that.

    Write down all of your questions to ensure you get all information you want. Also try to think what it is you want from them (I personally always forget this and end up round and round in circles).

    Remember it's still quite understandably very raw emotionally. I would be asking if they had any indication this would be an issue? What's their % success rate thawing? Etc etc. Since they are held to hefa standards maybe you could look up what those are and hit them with very specific questions? I'd also be asking what their investigation process is in case you get wishy washy answers where here you want clear specific information indicating that time has been spent to understand what went wrong and to stop it happening again in the future.

    I'd also be asking for a copy of their complaints procedure.

    My heart goes out to you and hopefully you get some answers.

    On a brighter note you did so well to get 4 Frosties so you know you react well to the ivf process so you should still have hope x big hugs x

  • Thank you all for your lovely kind words, I'm currently sat with a pen and paper writing down all my questions, my follow up appointment is on 3rd April and I've been told I will get answers to what happened this time, I've been looking HFEA website for my hospital 'Gateshead fertility unit' and I'm struggling to understand it but from what I can see, the statistics were off 2014 and they based it on over 200 cycles and the heading 'Embryos did not thaw properly (when cycle was using frozen embryos)' was 0 which makes me feel even more worse! πŸ˜” Xxxxxx

  • Hun I feel so bad for u! It's a scary thing to realise this can happen as I thought the thawing success rates were really high. I've only got 1 frozen & my co ordinator said she is always shocked when she hears a negative thawing story as it's quite rare now -that's her words not mine so I don't know how right she is.

    U definitely shouldn't be feeling fobbed off tho after such devastation & obviously u r already I'll at ease with the 4gotten scratch and the full bladder saga.

    Personally I get too emotional when talking and feel I can get everything said better without interruption in a strongly worded email. As it is a highly emotive time I would draft something in writing, don't send yet, sleep on it and then re-read as u will find as u got a lot out of your system writing it that when u reread u will be able to tone down a lot of the anger & frustration to make for a better communication.

    You are entitled to some sort of explanation, that is for certain and definitely add in there that your confidence was already knocked by the other issues so no surprise that now u r suspicious of this latest event!!

    I'm not sure how it works with how many goes u get or how clinics are allocated under NHS but I would speak to GP about referring u elsewhere but check with him if that's doable, timescales etc!!

    Best of luck Hun x

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