Ridiculous feelings of jealousy that I think only you guys might understand..

[aamiller405]

I feel silly even typing this but it's been playing on my mind the past couple of days and this is the only place I think people might understand..

So obviously I've been trying to conceive for a long time now, my mum has been very involved in the whole journey and is desperate for a grandchild. My parents are paying for our treatment and mum already has plans to retire to look after any future babies of mine.

So recently my brother started dating a girl who has a 4 year old child and my mum is besotted by her! Shes at mums house almost every day now and sleeps over at least once a week.. And she's a lovely little girl, she really is, and I fuss over her as much as the next person.

But I can't help these feelings of jealousy that my younger brother was able to give her a 'grandchild' before me when I've been trying for so long.

My brothers younger than me but has often done things before me, like bought his first house or got his first proper job.. And I don't care about all that at all.. Im not a jealous person and I've always been delighted for him. But this is really catching me.

Though as I type as my eyes fill with tears I'm questioning if it is actually jealousy?

Is it sadness, disappointment, hurt that I wasn't able to give my mum a grandchild yet when having children has been the only thing that's ever mattered to me and its never even been on my brothers radar?

I just needed to get this off my chest and share it somewhere I suppose because I get so angry at myself for having this feelings towards a little girl who I actually adore.

[Picalilli99]

I think all of those emotions you’ve mentioned sound totally understandable based on your situation. Try not to be too hard on yourself for the way you feel. If the emotions were influencing how you behaved towards your mum, brother or the little girl then maybe that’s when it could start to be problematic but I think just having these emotions is completely normal - when you want something with all your heart and are trying everything you can to make it happen then it comes so easily to others it does just feel so unfair. Sending big hugs xxx

[Sayusayme in reply to Picalilli99]

That is so normal to us but try to work on urself to never feel that way again because when we have such negative thoughts we release bad chemical in our body which is so harmful to u and your body part especially our reproductive system in women.

So whenever that thought comes try to console urself somehow ,do self talk ,and pamper urself and tell urself that ur miracle child is on the way .

And your angel is on the way and soon you will be mum a lovely one...so don't waste time n energy on such thought instead do lot of happy baby dance ....

It's just a phase it will pass, nothing lasts long and as we know

life is too short to support these negative thoughts

....so chill my dear

[Hidden in reply to Sayusayme]

I'm sorry but this is terrible advice and absolutely not true. IVF is a gruelling, stressful, emotionally difficult process. It is normal to have intense emotional responses to the situations we are in and the turmoil we go through as a result of infertility. This is nothing to be ashamed of, and telling people that negative thoughts will impede the ability to conceive is just bollocks. It's not based in any science whatsoever, and is designed to make women feel guilty and stressed about normal emotional responses to what we're experiencing. A 'happy baby dance' isn't going to help someone going though grief, pain, loss, stress, jealousy etc. Therapy, self-care, talking with trusted friends and/or a partner are all good tools. Making women feel worse for having feelings isn't.

[aamiller405 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you ❤️❤️

[Sayusayme in reply to Hidden]

Take it easy dear

Don't be so stressed

[Tiddly1984]

I agree with Picalilli. Really hope your turn comes soon...x

[aamiller405]

Thank you all for your kind messages of understanding xo

[Dreamingofbaby]

Bless u Hun. These feelings are totally understandable indeed with everything u been through and hope for. We all feel like this at different points through this tough journey. Go easy on you and hopefully things will get easier in time. Know we understand and are here xx

[aamiller405 in reply to Dreamingofbaby]

Thanks so much. This forum is a godsend xo

[Kyell2]

Aw I’m just seeing this update. I hope you are ok.

I think each and every one of us has felt this jealousy at some point and so you are completely normal.

It’s ok to not be ok sometimes and you’ve been through so much recently.

Sending hugs your way xx

[aamiller405 in reply to Kyell2]

Thank you.. I actually feel so much better just getting it off my chest to somebody xo

[Hidden]

Your younger brother is just following his peers and I feel he is looking up on you, I feel it sounds like he is trying to take the pressure of you who is on a fertility journey which isn't easy, I feel it's a distraction for your mum and hope this takes the pressure of you a bit, I hope things work out for you ❤️❤️