Apologies for my constant posts of misery. Feeling pretty depressed and nobody to talk to. My partner has two children already and it causes a lot of friction because he doesn't understand my yearning to be a Mother. He views ivf as exciting, a possibility of being a parent. For me it's the opposite, fear and dread as I'm the one living and breathing it analysing every sign and symptom. The whole process is stressful! I don't really have any other family to talk to and my friends don't understand as they all have children. Feeling pretty isolated.
I wake every morning sick with anxiety. I know again this cycle (as in cycle 1) that it's failed. Waiting til Tuesday just to confirm what I already know is torture. Literally zero symptoms this cycle. No cramping, spotting, my temp isn't raised, my boobs aren't sore. Literally nothing. The fact that covid-19 is delaying treatments is making my anxiety worse. After my mmc in December, I've been off work. I'm due to return 13th April and I'm filled but dread at the prospect of returning. My pregnancy loss counselling hasn't even begun as they've closed the doors due to covid-19. I'm just desperate to get going again with a FET if this current cycle truly has failed. The uncertainty of when that's likely to be is horrible and exasperating everything I'm feeling. I just cry every day.
Not sure how to keep going anymore ... 😢