BFN feeling completely lost - Fertility Network UK

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BFN feeling completely lost


OTD today and we had BFN. I am completely heartbroken and feel lost. I feel like I have lost a part of me again and just dont know where to turn or what to do.

I am in a teacher and start back to school next Monday but the way I am feeling right now I just dont know if I can go back just yet, especially as I know a big bleed is coming. The thought of having to face collegues, children and parents right now is making me feel sick and even more upset. I know it is still very early as we have only tested today. We had a miscarriage in September, where I went straight back to work and I just don't want to put myself back in the position of having to fight to keep myself together to get through each day.

This is our 6th Christmas TTC and failing. I am now feel like it is never going to happen for us and that maybe we should accept we will never be parents. watching everyone else announce pregnancies, go on maternity leave and enjoying Christmas with their families has been so hard this year, as it is for anyone going theough this journey.

Sorry for the moan.

25 Replies

I am so sorry to hear that . I had my blood test done today and I also failed . Let’s be positive and hopefully next time we will succeed. I wish you the beat and I know how hard it is xxxx sending you lots of love

The depth of the hurt is unimaginable. Take time off if you can and you need to. What we go through is huge. Sending lots of love.

So sorry to hear this. This is a really difficult time of year. You are really strong to keep going this long. Don't lose hope; you will be a mother. Hoping 2020 is our year. A BFN is like a grief. If you need time off work, don't be afraid to take it. You can sign yourself off for a week or go to the GP if you need longer. Lots of love.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Don't make the decision about Monday yet - look after yourself this week and see how you feel nearer the time. You've had a lot to deal with especially with the miscarriage in September so don't rush back into work if you're not up to it. I had a BFN on our only embryo last year and only took one day off. I started bleeding at work and it was awful. If we find ourselves in the same position again I'd take longer off. I just didn't know what to do with myself so carried on trying to be distracted. It doesn't help in the long run. Do your clinic offer counselling?

JLB2 in reply to runuphill

Yes they do and I think I will be arranging an appointment with them. Thank you

I’m so sorry to hear this but please do not loose hope! I was also working in a school as a Nursery School Manager. I really loved my job but after my miscarriage it was very hard for me, especially to be around so many pregnant parents who were not aware about my situation! Children actually kept me positive and I love their daily cuddles, but it was really hard to manage the team and parents while I was going through such a loss. It’s totally normal to feel like this, I was very fortunate to be in the position of leaving my job, even though I miss it every day. Your baby will arrive soon enough and it will change your life! I really hope 2020 will be our year! 💕

Hi JLB2, I remember your post from September and I’m so sorry to hear that this attempt hasn’t been more successful. It’s so difficult trying to remain positive, hopeful and motivated when faced with such sadness and disappointment and to also be expected to function. Take all the time you need and don’t feel guilty because the world will keep turning whilst you look after yourself. I hope you’re being taken care of and hope that some day soon things go in your favour...x

JLB2 in reply to Tiddly1984

Thank you so much x

Tiddly1984 in reply to JLB2



Sorry to hear your news. My husband and I had a BFN before Xmas. I took a week to stop crying I feel helpless. It’s been nearly three weeks and I’m just starting to feel like a person again. After the intense treatment and then for it not to work is heartbreaking.Give yourself time.It takes its toll on your body and mind.You need time to grieve. Be good to yourself and try not to think about what next just yet. Big hugs 🤗 x

JLB2 in reply to lablover5658

Thank you and so sorry to hear you had a BFN. This journey can be so draining and cruel. X

I am so sorry to hear that and had the same news two weeks ago. I worked loads to distract myself and got sick afterwards. So I would not recommend working long hours if you do go back to work. Do take time to heal and take care. Sending you lots of luck and baby dust!!!

JLB2 in reply to Dreambaby

Thank you. At the moment i feel like i just cant be around anyone without crying and then all the questions start, which i just dont have the strength to answer.

Dreambaby in reply to JLB2

I can totally understand this. Take your time to heal and rest lots! I hope you would feel better soon! Stay positive! We can do this! X

Hi there! How are you? I hope you are feeling better now. I can understand this is tough for you. If you are feeling that way then maybe talk to your coordinator or Principal. I am sure they will understand this. I am sorry that you have been through so many failed attempts. But you need to be strong. If you want to cry, then cry, don't hold it in yourself. Everything will be alright. Hopefully, next time it will work out. Good luck. Stay blessed. Take care. Bye!

Hi there! I hope you are doing better. It's so hard to be around children after a failed attempt. You should really take some time off. It won't be healthy for you if you are around so many children. And yes it will also take more time to recover from that. I feel bad for you, 6th Christmas and still no BFP. It's so tough to deal with this. I am sure you will find a way that will help become a mother. I hope this helps. Stay blessed. Take care of yourself. Good luck. Bye!

JLB2 in reply to Alyssa123

Thank you. After our miscarriage i went straight back to work and tried to carry on but in the long run it did more halm than good and I feel like I lost a part of me while fighting to hold myself together just for the sake of everyone else. I just do not have the strength right now to do that again.

I am so very sorry. Sending thoughts and prayers x

Really sorry to hear that, I'm a teacher too had my bfn at the beginning of the holidays. Am pleased I had the holidays to rest and recover. Take the time you need, but as someone else has said maybe wait until the end of the week and see how you feel. x

God bless you

It's truly devastating been through this myself many times and it is like losing a part of yourself. It's the worst the world.

Keep going though .Give yourself time . Be kind to yourself .

I had IVF last year again I was lost when the cycle failed .

Take care .

I am so sorry to hear this. I feel your pain, we had our first IVF and it failed on Christmas Day, I didn’t even make it to the end of the tww for a blood test....

Be kind to yourself and do what you feel you need to do and if that means getting signed off work, then do that.

Sending you lots of hugs xx

I am very very sorry to read your news. I got my BFN two weeks ago with my one and only chance I was so heartbroken and didn’t know how I’d get through it. Just survive each day be kind to yourself and let your emotions come out, if Monday comes around and feel you need more time take it speak to your GP look after yourself. I took a mental downhill spiral which I’m out the other side of thanks to my GP I didn’t realise how hard this would all be. Take each day you’ve been through so much ❤️

JLB2 in reply to Linzmm78

I am so sorry to hear you have been through this. I am trying to take each day as it comes this week and see how I feel Sunday to make a decision about work. Life can be so unfair!

Hi! How are you now hon? I am so sorry for your loss. It's not easy to deal with such bad news. When you are trying so hard and you are hopeful that this time it will work but it doesn't, it breaks you into pieces. I have seen people giving up everything just to make it work. But don't let this stop you from trying again. Don't feel like it's never going to happen. If It's not working then try some other treatment. Try any other clinic. I am sure by changing your route, the results will also change. Best of luck. My blessings are with you. Take good care of yourself. Goodbye!

JLB2 in reply to LorrieWalden

Im slowly attempting (and failing) to pull myself back together. Thank you for such kind words x

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