OTD BFN ICSI round 1 failed... feeling crushed 😢

[ICSIBaby86]

So round one ICSI has resulted in a BfN nothing prepared me for how bad this would feel. My sister has her 12 week ultra sound scan today and is announcing the news to the family 😢 and I've got to smile and get on with another failed attempt at having a baby...

What has made it worse is I feel the hospital has let me down... I've had a uterine fibroid for the last 5 years.. causing me severe and heavy periods I've lived with it as I was advised to leave it alone until I've had children... the fibroid has grown massively in size through my ICSI treatment due to all the hormones.

On day of transfer of our beautiful 5AA blast the doctor says in a blasé tone... oh that fibroid is huge ! If you don't fall pregnant this time that needs to go !! I also had a lining of 6.9mm which anyone failed to mention...

I've complained about my fibroid repeatedly but no one took notice... I would have rather had frozen our Embie as it was such good quality and waited until it was all sorted so my body could give it the best chance... the doctors attitude was oh well wel stick it in and see what happens. The worst thing is for two years we've been waiting on the IVF waiting list and they knew about the fibroid all that time so it could have been sorted in the meantime. Now I've got a fibroid 3 times the size it started out as and no baby. There was a brief mention of Gondratrapin medication to shrink it ? But surely this should have been done before prior to treatment ?!

Has anyone had experience with gondratrapin medication ( excuse the spelling ) how long do they take to shrink fibroids. They didn't want to do a laparoscopy as there's a risk of uterine bleeding... i have two frozen embies and I want the best for the two we have left over ... I have so many unanswered questions and the hospital is not contacting me till the beginning of May 😢

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi ICSIBaby86.I was so sorry to hear that your cycle of ICSI was unsuccessful. I feel that you need to speak to them about your fibroid when you go back, as it could have been the reason for your womb lining not building up sufficiently too. I feel that if it was me, I would want it treating. The gonadotrophin treatment you mention would certainly help to shrink it down, but you would need the treatment for 3-6 months. There are several kinds of treatment for fibroids, even a myomectomy to “shell” it out. Obviously you need to ask why it was OK to carry on with this cycle, with such a “hungry” fibroid! To proceed with a womb lining that wasn’t thick enough should be queried too. Usually, a thickness of more than 8mm is the target. Regarding your sister’s pregnancy, perhaps you need to meet up with her and have a confidential chat with her, explaining how you feel at the moment, and I’m sure she will support you. If you want, I can send you a list of questions for you to have a look through before you go back, just in case there is a couple you won’t have thought to ask. Too long to add here, but if you email me in confidence to [e-mail] I will send it to you. Thinking of you. Diane

[ICSIBaby86 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you so much Diane ! Sorry for the late reply I've been trying to get my head around everything ... I've booked a private consultation. My fibroid grew from 2cm to 6 x 5 cms since ICSI ! I'm so worried about it... The only other info I had was it was positioned Posterior uterus ! Not sure what that means ? I have a private appointment tomorrow I want to get it sorted asap ! I had a chat with my sister everything is ok, it's such an emotional time for us both xxxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to ICSIBaby86]

Hi ICSIBaby88. That just means that the fibroid is at the back of the uterus. Just wanted to wish you well with the appointment today. If you have already attended, I hope all went well for you and you got some positive feedback. Thinking of you. Diane

[LauraGU]

That's really rough ICSIBaby86. Take time and be kind to yourself xxx

[Tugsgirl]

Sorry to hear your first cycle failed and that your concerns were not taken seriously. We put our faith in these people to know what's best for us; after all they're the "experts". I hope you get some answers in your follow up and better luck on your fet 🍀 X

[ICSIBaby86 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you ❤

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear of your BFN it is the worst feeling to experience.

Sounds like your clinic need to be providing you with some answers on aspects of your treatment.

All i can advise is take some time to deal with your emotions and then ask every question that you think of. I feel i was sometimes slightly timid after my failed cycles but you are putting yourself through so much you need all information available to you to make decisions going forward.

Take care if yourself my lovely xx

[vic77]

I am so sorry about your bfn and what you have been through sounds awful. Both times we have had to wait 3 months for a review after our bfns. .we have now gone private and what a difference. The nurse there this week described those three month waits on NHS as cruel..take time and get ready in may and hit them with a list of questions.good luck xx

[ICSIBaby86 in reply to vic77]

I really want to go private I've lost all faith in our NHS hospital. My partener doesn't want to though and think we continues with our NHS attempts before paying... I feel differently I feel like the NHS have caused so much stress and I just want to get everything sorted asap xxx

[Sprinkles86]

I'm so sorry to hear this ICSIBaby I really am. I think your sister will understand if you have a private chat with her and let her know you're not going to be 100% excited for her right now. My sister gave birth to my nephew 3 weeks after my first miscarriage and that was hard, but I loved my nephew from the moment I saw him so hope you can have the same bond with your niece/nephew. I felt the same after our fresh transfer ended in mc that if our best one hadn't worked, why would the lesser quality ones? Don't lose hope, you've done amazing to get through your full cycle and have frozen embryos to use when you are ready. Arm yourself with a list of questions for your follow up, particularly about why they allowed it to continue if your lining wasn't thick enough. Thinking of you xxxxx

[ICSIBaby86 in reply to Sprinkles86]

Thank you lovely xxxxxx

[Hidden]

It's terrible you've been 'treated' like this.

You think that everything they're doing is correct because it's thier job but sometimes it does pay to question thier reasons.

Fingers crossed you get the treatment you need. Look after yourself first and get your body on the right track before you try again.

On the plus side you have some embryos to use which is fantastic news as some people don't get any!

My sister, and two cousins have just announced thier pregnancy, it's asif you see if everywhere. It's like when you buy a new car, you never notice that model until your interested in one.

Good luck in all you do xx

[ICSIBaby86 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lynsey ! It's been very difficult, I've lost all faith in the NHS the way they dealt with everything has been awful from start to finish ! I wish I could go private but this is our only way for the time being fingers crossed il get some answers soon ! ❤