Still messed up :(

[Bubunoto]

Hi All

So my test was negative 2 weeks ago and I am still struggling. I thought I was better- I haven't been thinking much about it because of everything that is happening in the world right now, but each time I remember- well it's killing me. I was in another forum where all the girls who were going through IVF succeeded and I ended up being the only faulty and non-pregnant one I just can't take it anymore. I don't even get happy when i hear pregnancy news because all i can think of is how messed up i am and how i am still not pregnant and I might never be...Maybe i am selfish... But i am so hurt i don't even care anymore.

I had a discussion with my Doc and he couldn't tell me why the transfer was unsuccessful. That made me feel worse because now I think i got a problem as well, not just my partner. He wanted me to proceed with the 2nd transfer without any tests. Originally he didn't want to do any investigation but I asked if i should do some testing because I have never had an implantation. He suggested uNK but after speaking to a friend and thinking about it i decided to not go for it and to just go ahead and do the transfer. I believe a good doctor should know what they are doing and i shouldn't be the one doing the research and proposing tests. If he thinks tests are not necessary at this point then I agree. He wants to put my last 2 embryos in one go. My plan is to go Turkey if our next and last try through NHS doesn't work.

Please let me know if you have done any investigations after your first failed ICSI transfer and what types of tests did you do for implantation failure. We have been trying for over 2 years now and i have never had an implantation. How many failures did you go through before investigating further?

Thank you all and please stay safe!

[Sunshine92]

I remember feeling EXACTLY like this after my first transfer failed. A girl i knew who so happend to be going through it at the same time as me only got 1 egg, she got pregnant. I got 8 why didnt i? 3 fertilised, 1 transferred, other 2 not good enough to freeze, the cycle couldnt have got any worse.

I resented anyone who was pregnant, didnt want to go out and see bumps and pushchairs but also didnt want to stay in and wallow in my own self pity.

Like you i too had been trying for over 2 years, had never had implantation - ever. We’re unexplained infertility.

You’re fortunate you get the opportunity of another NHS go - dont count yourself out yet! We only got one go and spent another £10,000 almost on a private round in Feb this year. While all my friends are going on holiday or having families, we found ourselves in a position where we could do neither. Life seemed so unfair.

We were fortunate enough to get our first BFP on the second cycle. I’m cautiously in very very early stages of pregnancy which hasnt quite sunk in yet.

I too thought there must be a problem with my implantation, i too hated anyone and anything that had any link to having a baby and i too had given up hope. First cycles are normally a ‘test’ round to see how you respond. Let you and your Dr learn from this so you can make changes to give yourself a better chance next go.

Keep your chin up! 💕 you will get there xx

[Bubunoto in reply to Sunshine92]

Thank you, Sunshine! I wish u health and lots of luck! I cant imagine being pregnant or ever getting there. That's how fed up i am 😢

[Chel91]

So sorry hun! From what my doctor and others have told me, statistically if you do 3 cycles most likely 1 out of 3 will be successful for most, so that's why they sometimes don't suggest doing any further testing until then. I had 1 pregnancy (MC) in 7 years so I thought my odds were pretty low, but there is hope! There is a good chance if your first doesn't succeed it was just pure chance, and your second could work. Best of luck to you xxxx

[Bubunoto in reply to Chel91]

Thank you, Chel ❤️

[mushy19]

Hi

I would suggest the NK cell test... although not all doctors approve due to a lack of proven research but some believe this can cause implantation issues or reoccurring miscarriage. I had the blood test done and was found to have elevated natural killer cells.

When elevated These NK cells attack your embryos assuming it’s something foreign in your body. Treatment was a course of prednisolone (steroids) and I am now 30wks pregnant.

I understand It is so difficult when trying to find answers as what works for one may not work for another.

Take some time... do lots of research in time for your next appointment. We expect doctors to know everything but sometimes we do have take charge.

Best of luck to you x

[Bubunoto in reply to mushy19]

Thank you, Mushy. I have no choice but to take time atm, everything is closed and the procedure won't be anytime soon. I am still thinking if i should do the uNK or just NK blood tests. The cost is around £500 for both- uNK and NK tests which is not that bad compared to other tests. Where did you do yours? How much was it? What day from the cycle?

[mushy19 in reply to Bubunoto]

I think I paid about £250 for the bloods only..

My consultant referred me to st Heliers hospital in Surrey for the test as they have a special department there,

We received results in a few days.

I don’t think my cycle day mattered as I just made an appointment and went in.

I also had a intralipid infusion as apart of my treatment which I had on the day after transfer. This was around £200 also.

[lianm8]

I felt exactly the same, our issue was my partners sperm and I was told I had no issues. Had two transfers with the nhs and both failed. I was heartbroken and nobody could tell me why. I cried anytime a pregnancy announcement was made on social media, couldn’t look at newborns or pregnant ladies and felt I was bitter- I was in a really dark place so if you need somebody to talk to please message me.

We then went private and I was tested for high nk cells and mine came back high. I was put on cyclogest and lubion for progesterone and I had prenisalone and an intralipid every 4 weeks. My first frozen transfer resulted in my 3 year old little girl and then a fresh round resulted in my now 18 month old. I wasn’t even tested the second time around for nk cells the doctor agreed to prescribe the steroids as that was my comfort blanket. My point of this story is to keep positive and hope. And please talk about how you are feeling to family and friends xx

[Bubunoto in reply to lianm8]

Hey, did you do the blood test?

[lianm8 in reply to Bubunoto]

Yes I had the blood test as soon as we went private - they came back high! Didn’t do it the second time around - apparently the levels can fluctuate but I still wanted to take the steroids as was a comfort to me xxx

[Bubunoto in reply to lianm8]

Can you tell me where did you do it pls? Im in London. Thanks

[Hidden]

Hi Bubu, I’m sorry to see you so hurt. 💔Usually tests aren’t done if ‘just’ one or two transfer fails, they said it’s the ‘percentage’ game. It’s not necessarily an ‘implantation failure’ issue, it could be a DNA issue of the embryo as well.

Please don’t thin like you’re faulty, you’re not ❤️I promise you ❤️

Try not to compare yourself with other people’s journeys, what they have that you don’t.....because we may have what they don’t, and we just don’t know it?

People show you what they want you to see...remember that ❤️

I’m not sure how much my words can help you but if not I hope the love I’m sending you can ease the pain a bit 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[Bubunoto]

Thanks a lot, Issy. i am so sorry for what you are going through, this journey is the cruelest one of all! Good luck tomorrow! I am praying for you to be ok very soon ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Bubunoto]

So very cruel, nature is. Thank you Bubu ❤️I really appreciate and need your prayers 💋xxx