A feel of relief 💆🏻‍♀️

[PurpleLove19]

We had our appointment with the fertility doctor on Tuesday. I had a mild panic attack before going as I was just anticipating the worst.

When we got there I felt numb and just wanted to go home. When we got in the doctors office I was a little quiet to begin with whilst she went through my husbands blood tests- they were all fine.

I then asked her about my Protocol and I was shocked when she said I’d need the full stimulation of hormones. After undergoing tests for over a year and everyone saying “Everything seems fine, everything looks fine, your bloods show fine.” Deep down I knew I wasn’t all “fine”.

Turns out at my scan my lining was a little thin, my follicles were low but not too low and my AMH levels were low too. So I asked the question, I would never have got pregnant naturally? She couldn’t confirm that as I haven’t been actively trying with a partner with full functioning sperm but I have always known in my gut that my body wasn’t able to get pregnant. It was just not nice when she said that for someone my age she would expect more follicles. I’m 29 😔.

I then went on to tell her about my absence from work and the impact it has had and my recent colonoscopy and punch biopsy. She reassured me that I wasn’t to worry about that as it is very common. They will be happy to proceed if it comes back at CIN 2.

When we then asked the date of the cut off before Christmas, they said it was this Friday. My period is due next week so it just wasn’t meant to be.

I felt relieved though, this gives me time to sort my job situation out, get well mentally and by then I will know what my results are from my biopsy.

It feels right- new year, new start and all that.

I asked if all this anxiety had had negative impact on my body and would my weight loss have anything to do with the follicles. I told her my BMI was 25 when they took it back In February and it is now 21. She said don’t loose anymore and try and get it back to 24.

It’s very hard to think that skinny women get pregnant all the time. I’ve had to buy smaller clothes and I can’t stomach too much food. So I’ve said I’m going to just eat more healthy rather than bits of what I fancy.

I watched a film on Netflix last night. “Private Life.” It was very realistic and portrays the IVF cycle and emotions that come with it. Not actually had experience of a cycle yet it really opened my eyes of what is to come. The ending was quite open but if anyone fancies a Netflix binge then it’s worth a watch x