So we had our blastocyst transfer yesterday, appointment was at 10am so I arrived at 9.50 needing a wee... then had to sit and wait for more than 40 minutes with no one coming out or even acknowledging I was there (obviously was alone due to Covid!). Then finally they call be through, tell me to strip and sit on the table. I asked when I would see the embryologist and the nurse said once I was up on the table... so then I’m naked on the bottom and in walks the consultant and embryologist. Last I heard on Thursday 7 eggs had fertilised and 4 were grade 1 on day 3, 3 were grade 2.
So she said she had one blastocyst suitable for transfer, a ‘b’ grade. Was I happy? I said wait, no, what about the others and she said 2 more had developed and were ‘c’ grade and not suitable for freezing. I wanted to cry, gone from 7 to one with no one talking to me, so I said wouldn’t we be better transferring the two c’s and freezing the good one so we have the best chance of pregnancy rather than transfer the good one and throw away the rest. She and the consultant leapt in so fast saying no, there’s a 10% chance the good one won’t survive freezing and the c’s might not make me pregnant so transferring the one good is the best chance, then they all nodded and said good, agreed? I said well I have no choice and they cracked on. I lay on the bed holding back tears the whole time and then finally burst when I got back in my car. I feel like they didn’t do it well, they should have told me the situation before I was on the table so I had time to think and talk to my husband, this was a private cycle and we don’t have the money to do it again so if this guy doesn’t implant we’ve got nothing
I don’t know what I can achieve I just want to know if anyone thinks this wasn’t done well and I should complain? I know it is what it is for me but maybe it could make them more sensitive in the future for others?
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I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience where I turned up to the clinic for transfer and there were no blastocysts to transfer, they also kept me waiting, over an hour, before I was taken into a room and told “we have nothing to transfer today”. I absolutely lost it. I very firmly told the consultant how poor it was they kept me waiting for an hour past my transfer time before telling me this and why couldn’t it have been appropriately communicated earlier to avoid me coming into the clinic and seeing half a dozen other women going in for their transfers while I sat very nervously waiting. I instinctively knew something was wrong. I asked a couple times about the wait and was told “the doctor will be with you soon”. That made it worse as no one else was waiting to see a doctor before being taken through to transfer lounge. I had to walk out of the room after I was told for 10mins to collect myself so I didn’t lamp her! I did have a transfer the following day (day 6) when my only surviving embryo progressed sufficiently. Like you, I understood there were 3 a couple days before and I had wanted to do a double transfer and I knew transferring a day later in my transfer window lowered the chances of successful implantation.
On this occasion (and the only time so far) it did implant and I did get pregnant. Sadly it ended in early miscarriage, but I suspect that was to do with my immune issues which I think have caused my implantation failure in subsequent rounds.
There were a catalogue of errors through that first cycle and following the miscarriage I wrote to the clinic and put in a complaint about the handling of the whole thing. They did compensate me in that I didn’t pay for my next transfer (but I did have to pay the medication costs etc)
Please stay positive. And when you’re ready, write and tell them about your experience. It’s the only way clinics will learn and improve.
Thank you so much for replying! I feel like you exactly understand, I know these things happen but to leave me sitting there bursting for the loo while patients came and went around me was so upsetting, and they way they didn’t give me time to even think before we were transferring just leaves me feeling like it’s all failed. In my first two cycles they put you in a room where the embryologist came for a chat with you before you went down to the theatre. It was way better as you could have a proper chat and a think before you actually went through with anything. This is a different clinic and I just didn’t feel good there at all. I’m sorry for your loss and wish you loads of luck in the future!
You definitely need to let them know how it all made you feel.
I must say, I’ve had both experiences with the embryologists, usually they come in with the doctor, and the one time a guy came in separately without the consultant with a trainee and didn’t explain who he was and talked at me about my transfer in general. That really threw me, I was super nervous until my consultant walked in.
Stay positive and look after yourself. All this can be dealt with later. The most important thing right now is you and staying relaxed and calm through the next couple weeks.
Oh I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience that love. They should have 100% called you the morning of the transfer and at least came in to speak to you before you went into theatre. What you’ve said seems unusual in my experience and certainly not very unfair to the patient. My first cycle I had a very similar situation except they came in to speak to me and I was able to ask the embryologist lots of question (he was very honest to the point of blunt). I had 2 blastos but one was a day 4 one that was deemed unsuitable for freezing. He considered giving until day 6 but then said no point as they rarely get to day 5 so I, like you, had just the one with nothing to freeze.
Unfortunately they are the experts so we have to trust them but it did play on my mind for a while.
I was lucky I had a second round on NHS and this time I politely insisted- whilst half naked - they transfer both embryos as they said the one was less good and might not survive freezing (3bb or bc). I’m now 18+ pregnant, and yeah it could be that it’s the better embryo that implanted - or it could be the weaker 3bb/c) I’ll never know but I’m glad I didn’t back down.
I’m sorry for the lengthy post, I know it’ll give you little comfort but just wanted to share my experience of 2 similar situations.
I do think you should write to them. As I said they’re the experts and will have done thousands of transfers so they’ll have a good grip on what’ll work and what won’t - putting the best one back in is the standard protocol- but you shouldn’t be leaving the clinic in tears. They need the feedback so it doesn’t happen to anyone else again.
As for you, hopefully your little embryo making himself at home now 🤞 And remember - it does just take one. Xx
Thank I you so much it’s really good to hear other people’s experience, and that’s exactly what I feel - they’re the experts but I shouldn’t be leaving in tears and still feeling upset today, I should be feeling hopeful and good about the one we do have!
This sounds absolutely horrendous you poor thing. Definitely complain the way you've been treated is completely unacceptable. Got everything crossed for you that this transfer works out 🤞🤞🤞 xxx
I really hope that you do get a positive outcome but this is not correct. You should not be making decisions like this on the spot. This whole process is very delicate and personal. I think you need to talk to them. ❤️. Please try not to get stressed out at this:stage too though xx
Unfortunately this is what has happened at my clinic throughout our three rounds.
Always had a good haul of eggs. Loads fertilise, because they only phone you on certain days you don’t know what’s going on.
And like you, you don’t actually know what your left with until your lying on the table. We’ve always been left with 2 or 3 no more then that.
Luckily the first one from our last round after telling me we only had three left, the embryologist said this one looks good as it’s been dividing since I looked at it this morning and luckily it was as we are 12 weeks + 6
I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I know how scary and frustrating it is to have nothing to freeze. We’ve had 5 cycles, always starting with 20 or so eggs and end up with one blastocyst on day 5. But it only takes 1, try to stay as calm and positive as you can during your 2ww, then you can complain when you are upto it. A 10% chance your good embryo wouldn’t survive freezing is a 90% chance that it would have so they shouldn’t be so negative. Generally with my clinic, the discussion regarding what is left to transfer is also in theatre but 100% while you’re still clothed and really should be with your partner present, it’s unfair to expect you to decide alone.
Try to stay positive for the embryo you have onboard. My last FET failed I’m sure because of stress! Try the Mindful IVF APP. That’s what I’m going to use. Wishing you all the best! Xx
The fact that no one called you on the day to let you know what was going on is appalling. If you do go forward to another round (and hopefully you won't need to!) I would suggest finding a clinic that actually talks to you early on transfer day before you leave home so that you have time to think about these things and digest the info. Sometimes I get frustrated with my clinic about certain things but their communication regarding egg/embryo progress is brilliant - the embryologist will call really early, like 7.30/8am on the day of transfer, to let you know what is there so you can agree on what to transfer and freeze. They find out in advance how long it will take you to get there on transfer day so they can plan what order to book everyone in, and the appointment list is then made on the day once they know who is coming in. It does mean you don't know what time your transfer is until the day but I'd far rather that than have to go through making spot decisions in the clinic (while bursting for a wee!). Sending you many hugs and lost of baby dust for your sticky bean xx
That’s really good - I think you’ll probably find your clinic is the exception to the rule on that!
With our clinic you would be told in advance what time to be there and like toally be told once your in there what you had left, they make the decision as to what is being freshly transferred. I think it’s only FETs that you can put you want 2 or more transferred
It’s funny what you learn about other clinics in these discussions! I can kind of understand discussing what to transfer while in the clinic BEFORE you undress etc but I find it crazy to discuss in the state of undress and abhorrent as described above that a clinic would allow someone to travel there when there was nothing to transfer at all. That is just a giant f*ck you to the patient IMHO! Xx
I totally agree - our clinic is 1 hr and a 1/2 away by car. If they did that to me I wouldn’t be in tears, I’d be bloody raging and kicking off in the clinic
Thank you I agree that’s what should have happened! Or while I was sitting outside waiting they could have told me so I could talk to my husband before going in, it was such pressure hearing it all whilst naked on the table! X
This is exactly how my clinic works, the embryologist always rings early in the morning first, you have a discussion and once we arrive at the clinic they will come to you to discuss any progression from the morning call. They always keep you very well informed beforehand and it makes decisions so much easier. I just assumed this was how all clinics worked 🤷♀️
I think you should let them know how they made you feel. It is totally outrageous that you were left to make a decision on the table. I also feel that there is no reason if 2 embryos were going to be wasted that you could not have had 2 transferred. I have been told in the past that some clinics can be fined for having to many multiple births as obviously it increases the health risks to mum and babies, and for that reason they don’t always like to transfer 2. Not sure how true this is! Try and relax for 2ww, and then maybe think about a complaint......🤞and good luck x
I don't mind any business making money but unless theyare giving me free care, I expect decent service or I take my business elsewhere. Of course as long as there is enough competition in the market.
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Got my 4th transfer yesterday not sure how am feeling about it 
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Day 5 Transfer Day...2 embryos
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