Feeling disheartened

[IVFWTF]

So today we got our latest BFN on our 5th attempt. I am devastated! We have one frosty left and then our ‘journey’ will come to a close. I have tried to stay positive throughout, but I am really reaching the end of my emotional limit and can’t even imagine another future 2ww 😖😰.

I had a hydrosalpinx and so one tube removed. The other is pretty much completely ruined as well, and they have told me that I have less than 1% chance of falling pregnant naturally with that tube. I also have had a fair amount of endometriosis removed multiple times.

As I have just turned 40, my egg reserves are not high, so I don’t have many to play with each time.

1st IVF- 1x5 day embryo transferred and we had an early miscarriage (no reserves).

2nd IVF- no embryos survived.

3rd IVF- 1x5 day embryo transfer-BFN. 1x6 day embryo frozen.

1st FET- didn’t thaw well, but eventually transferred (after a traumatic 24hr wait!)- BFN

4th IVF- 1x5day embryo transfer with embryo glue- BFN. 1x6day embryo frozen.

Ugh!!! I even considered putting two in this round, but then one wasn’t at the same stage as the first, and the first was obviously the only one in the glue... so I decided to freeze. Now I’m very anxious that again it won’t thaw well and we will lose that final chance. But I was also worried that putting the second one in might affect the first this round.

How do you keep the positivity going? This is such a cruel process and it’s so hard to keep it all together. I know that if the last round doesn’t work I will be grieving... but I am also at the point of just wanting it all to be over. I am so amazed at people who do this for years... you deserve a medal.

Any advice or words of sanity would be so appreciated. Just feeling so disheartened.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry dear

You really went through a lot

Endometriosis is really a killer of our dreams

Dnt know what we have done to deserve this horrible disease

You must be terribly heartbroken

I really dnt have words to say to you right now because I know nothing I say can make you feel better

But there are a lot of women going through somewhat similar situation

Pls dnt give up hope

I know it’s hard to do but you can try with donor eggs also , in the future if you think that is right

That is difficult to accept I know

I might have to take that road in the future

I have lately come to accept my situation

Yesterday night I was crying and told my husband that I can take anymore failures although I am waiting for my beta

This feels like eternity

This pain and waiting and loneliness

I will pray for you dear

Pls be strong

[Picalilli99]

I’m so sorry about your BFN. They really do take their toll, time after time. We are also on our 5th transfer (quite similar cycles from 4 fresh cycles, with only ever 1 frosty). It sounds like you have been through so much and that you are one strong lady. I posted myself yesterday about struggling to keep the positivity going. It really is so difficult at times. I know it’s easier said than done but one piece of advice I received was about trying to focus on one day at a time. I totally understand why you would think to the future and worry about the final frosty not surviving the thaw because the implications are so painful, but focusing on the possibility of that today may just make you feel worse. You need to allow yourself time to grieve this loss. In time hopefully you will be able to find some hope as there is every chance that the little frosty you have will be the fighter you need. But for today just try to take care of yourself. Sending love and hugs xxx

[sun-and-rain]

I'm (as far as one can know without having had a scan) now 8 weeks pregnant after my 6th attempt. Before this I've been through two eggs extractions, one fresh cycle and four FETs. So even if I myself just can't trust 100% that we will reach May (not even November...), I still hope I can give you some hope that there are possibilities even if you have five failed attempts behind you 😘😘😘