Supplements, Diet, BPA Free, still feeling low :(

[Italy300618]

Hi There

This is my first post on here, I have felt a lot more comforted reading your stories, it feels like theres so many going through difficult journeys, I wanted to share mine.

2 weeks ago our ICSI cycle got abandoned. Everything was going so well, drugs were ok, scans were good, and in total I had 10 eggs collected. Egg collection procedure was very traumatic, I felt like I was really rushed through, I was the last one of the day, and the Doctor had no bedside manner, I felt the whole thing as the sedation didn't kick in, and before I know it Dr is out of his scrubs, popped his head through the curtain for 5 seconds and was out the door.

We were very happy with 10 eggs, but the next day we had a call to say only 1 had fertilised. We were utterly devastated. It wasn't even something we had even thought about, the clinic say we hope for 50%, but they didn't say anything about zero or 1. Unfortunately the one that did fertilise didn't become good enough for transfer, so now we have to wait to try again.

The nurses and embryologists, can't give a reason for such low fertilisation, and said they wouldnt really change anything next time with regards to protocol. Sperm looked good, all eggs were mature. DH believes something went wrong somewhere, maybe they contaminated the eggs? Maybe something went wrong in EC, and they just aren't saying, or maybe we are looking for a reason or someone to blame.

I felt like I did everything I could, I had no alcohol for 6 months, no caffeine healthyish diet. Its so frustrating.

So to feel proactive, we have gone BPA free, I have added Vit D, Coq 10 to my supplements, I am on a low sugar diet, trying to rule out anything that may have affected egg quality. It looks like it may not be until Dec/Jan until we can start again, and it feels like years away.

I have had my withdrawal bleed waiting for next natural one, I feel my hormones are either all over the place or emotionally I am not handling it very well.

I feel like I can't cheer myself up, as I can't have nice food or nice wine, we are trying to save as much as poss so if this time fails we will have to go private, so we can't go on holiday or away. My DH is so unbelievably supportive, I just feel like I want to be in a cacoon at home with him and fast forward time.

If anyone can suggest anything to perhaps keep my mind going? or how all you lovely people cope with these difficult journeys? Any other advice on diet etc ? I have had good positive days, but it comes in waves, and I broke down at work the other day, I couldn't even say a reason, just finding it tough

Thanks xx PS Sorry its so long xx

[Franco81]

Oh it sounds you’ve had such a traumatic experience and then the shock of cancelling the cycle, I’m not surprised you’re struggling. We focus all our energy into pushing forward during cycles so to end the way yours did must be beyond frustrating. Your hormones will still be all over the place too so try and forgive yourself for getting upset sometimes, I’m pretty sure all of us here have had some kind of melt down when we were trying to hold it together!

I completely understand the agonising wait to start again but I assume you will get a follow up meeting at your clinic? So maybe you could try and get all the questions you want to ask ready for that so you can move on to the next step feeling fully prepared again?

That being said, take the time you need to process all you have been through and pick yourself up with your partner, I definitely recommend chocolate! And just take a day at a time.

I really wish you all the best and hope you get some answers so you can move forward xx

[Italy300618 in reply to Franco81]

Thank you for your kind reply. I am not too sure, I have to call them up when I have a natural bleed and they will send us out a schedule, so it doesnt really sound we are getting a follow up so to speak?! We definitely want to express our concerns when we see them, but by the sounds of it might not be until a baseline scan!

You are right, sometimes it is ok to be upset and just have to let yourself ride it out. A day at at time like you say xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Italy. That’s a true nightmare! To go through that and being treated like a “number”,rather than a patient. I do hope you’ve got some support around you both. With my medical head on, I wonder when you do try again, to ask whether you should try ICSI?? That way you ensure the sperm get into the eggs, as sometimes we have slightly tough ”shells”. I do have a couple of lists of questions I could email you in confidence if you would like them. Most wont be appropriate but there will be some you can use. Email me at

[e-mail]

Diane

[Italy300618 in reply to DianeArnold]

Hi Diane, thank you for your reply. We do have lovely friends and family around us, but its very hard for them to understand completely how we are feeling. I have emailed you if thats OK. x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to Italy300618]

Hi. That’s fine. I will answer when in office on Friday. Diane

[Jessy1280]

Please keep going. Keep dreaming of that baby. My first cycle failed. Even though I got 18 eggs, 16 mature and 13 fertilised only 3 made it to day 5.

I'm just starting cycle 2 today and it's been a long time coming. I've read the Mediterranean diet is recommended. Lots of oily fish, legumes, nuts, seeds, fruit and veg and olive oil. Poultry occasionally. Red meat rarely. No refined products. Just wholegrain.

I was given only 30% chance per transfer because I'm 38. I have zero fertility concerns myself. My oh had VR a year ago.

I'm taking loads of supplements (high strength vits D, c, e, omega 3 and coq10) . Then there's inofolic for egg quality. Also taking melatonin and dhea although I'm thinking of stopping dhea as I have high amh. Also got my oh on high strength vit c for motility and superdrugs male fertility sachets £40 a pop. I've had endometrial scratch today and having imsi next time. Not saying they work but I'm trying everything as cycle 1 nearly gave me a nervous breakdown.

I asked the clinic whether most get their baby in the end. She said those who persevere usually do but some start looking at donor eggs in the end if they have no luck themselves.

Take comfort in knowing you have it everything you could this cycle. It's a complete game of chance. In the few months I've been on this site I've seen that no 2 cycles are the same. Try to focus on that. Next time may very well be your time. Even though I had lots in my favour this cycle, it still failed with no good reason but we've just got to plod on and focus on our dream.

BTW go eat and drink what you like for the next few days. Go easy on yourself! I defy anyone not to feel crap after a failed cycle. One or two days doing what you like probably won't make that much of a difference honestly! x

[Italy300618]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. I'm sorry about your failed cycle, it sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can, and in your mind that's all you can do, knowing that you are giving it your all.

I like you, have no fertility problems myself and it does make your mind wonder in thinking what if theres also something wrong with me. What was so bad about my eggs?!

That is what I'm trying to do, give it everything I've got but with my next one being so far away it's going to be tough sticking to such a strict diet etc, (I have allowed myself wine and chocolate and all things nice the week following our sad news) but I will do whatever it takes!

Are you going privately for your second round? I have heard about endometrial scratch but nobody at the clinic has mentioned it? Also what is imsi?

You are very right, no two cycles are the same it could be different next time!

I am just dreading the same results.

Wishing you all the luck in the world for this one 🤞🤞 xx

[Jessy1280 in reply to Italy300618]

Imsi to my knowledge is when they zoom in much much more on sperm under the microscope (compared to icsi) to identify only the very best sperm. Its not proven but I know someone it's worked for.

Again endometrial scratch isn't proven but it's thought that endometrial injury encourages white blood cells and other healing stuff in the body to go to the site to repair it encouraging you to be more receptive to an embryo transfer/implantation. My clinic fortunately already use embryo glue and embryoscope for free.

I'm having to self fund as due to my OHs vasectomy reversal the NHS says we're ineligible even though I'm under 40 with no kids. I've paid for 3 cycle ivf package which has to be used within 1 year do the pressure is on. Even though I have two good embryos left in the freezer, due to time constraints I'm trying to bank as many embryos as possible. The added pressure is that I have to pay for meds and icsi every cycle on top of my ivf package. Pretty stressful. However yesterday I've asked my GP to refer me anyway for ivf funding just so I can appeal the decision when it's refused. Seems so unfair because of my OH I'm automatically ineligible.

I firmly believe we'll all get there in the end. It just takes steely determination and a strong mind to get through it x

[Italy300618 in reply to Jessy1280]

Thanks for the info ☺ our clinic use embryo glue and we paid for embryoscope in 1st round they said they wouldn't charge us for next time as we didnt get to transfer. But lots of other things to possibly consider!

Such a financial stress too, it's really unfair that you have to self fund, I hope you get to appeal.

Thank you for your support and let us know how it all goes 😘 x

[Danascha]

Big hugs!

So sorry you're feeling low. I would like to suggest, you do acupuncture. Find someone who specialise in fertility acupuncture.

I also listen to fertility and chill out tunes on youtube. I dedicate that hour to just shut my eyes and tune out to the world while I tune in to my body.

[Italy300618]

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it xx