Feeling Hopeless

[Refocus]

Despite seemingly 'beautiful eggs' and being 33 years old and having now pretty much exhausted all possible tests on the sperm, it looks like it's finally time to admit defeat and get on the donor list. My husbands sperm could be improved but I feel spending more time, money and hope on it, we're just clutching at straws. Our urologist thinks we should give it another go but as desperately as I want our own genetics, I can't see the point! We've had the same thing happen twice (nil fertilisation with ICSI which noone has seen or understands) and other than my husband and I taking a bucket load of vitamins /proxeed plus etc, nothing has been changed so why would the result? No real question here, just a rant....I feel like we've gone nowhere, still with no answers and no one can seem to help and I'm terrified about how I will cope with a life with a donor child (if I'm even lucky enough) and being jealous that it's my husbands child and not mine xxx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to read this.

If your doctor says you should try again, perhaps you should consider it? I know one clinic that does half donor sperm/eggs and half yours in one cycle. This might be a good solution/compromise? Then you could give it one last go and see which performs best?

Just wondering, when you say fertilised do you mean none make it to day 0 or you get no blastocyst?

Thinking of you xx

[Refocus in reply to Hidden]

I'm not sure what the difference is?! They use icsi to insert the sperm in each egg but then nothing happens. I'm definitely going to speak to my husband and the clinic about half and half, I hadn't thought about that. Thank you xxx

[Refocus in reply to Refocus]

Hi Anna, would you mind pming me the clinics you know that will do half and half? Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Refocus]

Doing it now xx

[Jude6 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Anna, please can you pm me the clinics that do half donor sperm/eggs please? My hubby has high DNA fragmentation but they’ve switched to blaming my eggs (I’m 33) so I may explore half/half before moving to donor. Also, do you know what the tests are for DNA problems is it Karyotyping? Xx

[jengi]

I'm sorry to hear it hasn't worked out for you. If you have great eggs, then isn't it a sperm donor you need? You can use your own eggs and use a donated sperm? Why do you think it is a problem with your eggs and not your husband's sperm? Do you know the quality of the eggs you produced, did you produce enough? Sorry so many questions but please don't dismay until you have worked through all possibilities. Hugs to you my lovely Xx

[Refocus in reply to jengi]

Hi Jengi, all the embryologist has to go on is how they look and she said they looked 'beautiful'. I had 8 and 9 mature respectively. My husband has had all of his tests done, and other than taking some supplements to improve oxidisation, everything else looks good enough (especially when you're talking about ICSI) and even with his current results, you can still get pregnant naturally. 2 complete failed fertilisation says there's something much more going on. I just feel like we'll never get to the bottom of it no matter how much money or time we spend. Xxx

[jengi in reply to Refocus]

It is a tough journey. The reality is that only 25% of cycles are successful so don't be so harsh on yourself. The technology is amazing when it works but it doesn't always work. It might be technique in the lab, who knows? If you are producing up to 9 mature good quality eggs then that is great news. So keep trying naturally, try not to stress. Evaluate what your next steps are, donor sperm, donor eggs, donor embryo.

I've had a year to get my head around using donor eggs. Its been a tough and emotional journey to get to where i am currently. I see this as a baby making mission and the target is a live healthy baby. If i need to use donor eggs to get there then so be it, that's what i'll do. So far, we have been under NHS so next will be private. My current chances of a positive pregnancy test is 10%, moving to donor eggs increases it to 67% with the clinic i have in mind. There are only so many times i can deal with the heart break of a failed cycle so i'm moving on to the option most likely to give us success. Maybe this will help you in your own thought process .........

Good luck Xx

[Refocus in reply to jengi]

Thank you. How do donor eggs work on the nhs? We're allowed one free go of ivf on the nhs in my ccg which we have used and then had one round on private. Is it possible we may have a chance to do a round of DE on nhs? Xxx

[Cinderella5]

Sorry to hear about your struggles, it must be awful to go through all of this and hit that brick wall every time. Im not sure if you saw this girls post a while back but is it worth looking back her posts to see what they discovered was their fertilisation issue....might be something to discuss with your embryologist?! abcgirl xx

[Refocus]

Thank you, I have seen abcgirls posts and unfortunately we have tried all of the same things but none of it has made a dot of difference for us. Xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Refocus]

Awww sorry, thought it may have been worth a shot! Hope you can decide to move things forward in time.xx

[baby2016]

Has your hubby actually had the sperm comet test? It’s a private test that’s not available

on the NHS, my hubby came back ok on the general NHS sperm test but on the comet test his sperm showed high dna fragmentation. This could give you a better understanding of if it is a sperm issue.

I too had the same problems to overcome with DE, which I think is normal, however I can say on seeing our little pumpkin on an ultrasound last week at 7wks the only emotion I felt was pure love, and I knew at that point fingers crossed all continues as it should then the fact that

My baby is not genetically

Mine will never be an issue now xx

[Refocus in reply to baby2016]

Hi, yes we've had the comet test twice actually in the space of a few weeks and oddly the first came back bad and the second good! Apparently he's better off with only abstaining for 24hours! We've done karyotyping on my husband as well. Congratulations! Everything crossed for you that it continues to go well. I'm going to book some counselling sessions which Im hoping will help. Xxx

[hoping-for-the-best]

Have you heard of assisted oocyte activation? Sometimes there is a problem with the egg or sperm activating which hinders fertilisation, so they put the embryos in a calcium solution to kick start the process. If you had none fertilise and no other explanation it could be the issue. If so, I think they have good results with this technique. I definitely wouldn’t give up on your eggs without knowing for sure they are the problem, they are always way too keen to blame it on the eggs in my opinion. I think a half donor sperm cycle can be a useful diagnostic tool as others have said. We’re actually considering this next ourselves. I definitely get the frustration and disappointment, feeling this a lot at the moment. Good luck xxx

[Refocus]

Yes unfortunately we have already tried calcium ionophore with icsi and had the same result. Hoping to speak to the doctor today but there doesn't seem to be any more they can do to test the eggs. X

[hoping-for-the-best in reply to Refocus]

I’m sorry to hear that, it’s so frustrating and draining when they don’t have any answers. Hopefully you’ll get to the bottom of it with a half and half round - good luck xx

[Minchoo]

Stupid question but have you had your AMH tested? It is supposed to denote the number of eggs you have. Just because eggs look beautiful doesn’t mean they may be of good quality! My AMH is low with endometriosis. Maybe worth checking to see if it’s really your eggies or husbands sperm? Just because you are 33 doesn’t mean it’s your eggs! Don’t let the doctors make you think like that. Stupidly no one is thinking of their eggs at 20 - so it always comes to bite us at 30 something!

[Refocus in reply to Minchoo]

My reply to you is below! I typed in the wrong boxX

[Refocus]

I don't know what my amh is but everytime I've had a scan I've had plenty of eggs and they've never been concerned about the number. All the doctors have said that follicle count is the same as taking your amh. Just in case it's egg quality, I've been on dhea, coq10, vit d, omega oil and folic acid supplements for about 4months now. Xxx

[Minchoo in reply to Refocus]

Well if you can produce eggs - why are they saying you are the issue? Because of your age?

[Refocus in reply to Minchoo]

They're not saying I'm the issue. They don't know what the issue is! The urologist said his best estimate is 60% me, 40% my husband. Our clinic has no idea (it's one of the top London clinics). We've had to make this decision ourselves (after having done endless research), as like most people, we don't have the money to keep trying the same thing. Something needs to be changed and our gut says it's more likely egg than sperm (seen as he has had lots of tests done on his sperm and there's not much they can test with the eggs). X