Donor eggs and donor sperm: More bad... - Fertility Network UK

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Donor eggs and donor sperm

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More bad news, fallen at the final hurdle.

My partner have his sample yesterday and we have our precious donor eggs, as I don’t have any left, and now we’ve just been told by the embryologist that they could not find a single suitable sperm to use!

So now do we use donor sperm? Donor eggs and donor sperm, after my ovarian failure diagnosis I was clinging to the joy that at least my OH would have the dna in our child and be able to look like one of the parents.

Anyone had a similar I could really use some help right now I feel devastated

23 Replies
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Cinderella5

Sorry Im not in the same position but I wonder if the embryologist thought that the situation with your husbands sperm could be improved? Could they perhaps check another sample?

We have friends that had to use double donation. Like you they had managed to get their head around donor eggs but when they checked the sperm there wasnt any, not one. They tried surgical retrieval and no sperm discovered. It took him some time to get his head around the fact they would have to double donor and some counselling but they got there and have a much doted on little girl. Sending hugs, must be difficult to discover this so close to the time of treatment!xx

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in reply to Cinderella5

I can’t even bear how close I felt and how it has been snatched from me like this it’s so unfair

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Sorry to hear that? the same happened to us. No sperm. My partner had to give in 2 samples and then had a micro tese op to try and extract sperm directly from his testicles but there was a 6 month wait on the NHS for the operation or if we wanted it privately and quicker it would have cost £1500. We waited out the 6 months and were lucky they found sperm but we haven't been lucky yet with ICSI. I know some women on here though have been lucky. Can your partner have the micro tese op? Donor sperm would be quicker but you both have to decide whether to use donor now or wait and see of they can retrieve sperm. I spoke to the Urologist and he said its amazing how many women have used donor for either or both sperm and eggs and have naturally bonded with the baby as there is a connection when they are growing in the womb and it doesnt matter they are not biologically yours. They will still be your baby. I know some clinics offer counselling beforehand which helps massively too Xxx

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in reply to Hidden

Thanks I’ll lookin into the surgery option I feel exhausted to be honest every step is a knock back not sure how much more I can take

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elle80

Really sorry to hear this Myhope, especially as you were so close. Must be heartbreaking.. I just wanted to send my love xx

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Thank u I’m so upset and at work trying not to cry

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elle80
elle80
in reply to Hidden

😔 Big hugs xx

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gattonero

I’m so upset for you, this is very unfair, hun :( the only thing I’m able to recommed is to try to stay lucid. you guys have come a long long way now, Though I imagine the main priority is to have your child, bear him and love him, don’t lose hopes on that, you can still do it, even if it would mean get a sperm donor too. It must have been another shock, I feel it for you but you can still be a fantastic mom of a lovely child you grow within you, hold on to that. Count on us here too <3

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in reply to gattonero

I’m so desperate to be a mum I’d be happy to go ahead with the sperm donor but my OH is desperately unhappy with t so I feel like I have to choose him or a baby, how can I ?

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Skybid

It is a big step to go from your own to donor. We have had three IVF’s over here with donor sperm, the last failed cycle I got told that due to my age it’s prob a quality issue, I really hoped our child would be part of one of us. I looked abroad at tandem ivf but it’s a lot of money to spend for something that’s not guaranteed. We have now decided to go down the embryo adoption route which is half the price, you are guaranteed another transfer should the first fail at only €700. I have read up on the possibility that the embryo could inherit some of the mothers characteristics due to sharing the same blood for the 9 months. I’m clinging to hope anyway. We r due to start once u get my next period with transfer being early next month. XX

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in reply to Skybid

Shall I ask my clinic about embryo adoption? Is it something u can do in this country? Thanks

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Skybid
Skybid
in reply to Hidden

Not sure if they do it in the Uk, when my consultant advised me that the failures were probably due to the egg quality she advised me to go abroad for donor egg. I think DE Has a high waiting list.

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londonrc
londonrc
in reply to Skybid

Hi Skybid, can I ask where you went for Embryo adoption in the end? I’m looking at DE and embryo adoption and wanted some clinic recommendations of possible- your help is appreciated.

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Skybid
Skybid
in reply to londonrc

Hi londonrc

The name of our is clinic is IVF PRAGA MEDICA through Gest clinic.

ivf@pragamedica.com

We’re going back next month for our final try (second with them). This will be our fifth transfer.

Let me know if you would like to know anything else! Xx

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londonrc
londonrc
in reply to Skybid

Hi Skybid, thanks for your reply. I wish you all the luck in the world for your second transfer- thanks for the info on your clinic- I did contact another one in Prague but they said they only use Czech citizens so don’t have any Indian donor eggs- I am Indian so would like to have an Indian or at least maybe spanish( as I am sometimes mistaken for being Spanish ) egg. Best of luck for next month and thanks again. X

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Hidden
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There’s is evidence that some DNA is transferred through the blood so I’m hoping for that too!!!!

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smithy1986

Hey hun, when you select your egg donor you usually send pics to the clinic and fill out a characteristics form so the donor looks just like you. I'm pretty sure when you pick a sperm donor you get to look though all the available donors and they specify things like eye colour, hair colour, what sort of body frame they have etc so they look as much like your partner as possible. I'm pretty sure things like your blood type are considered too but you might need to check up on that I might be wrong lol. The main thing is that you are growing the baby inside of you, and you will both experience it together which makes you parents regardless of where the egg and sperm came from. I hope you guys are ok and I'm sure you will make the right decision for you :) :) xxx

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in reply to smithy1986

Thanks for your reply, I want to start looking for a sperm donor but my OH is totally not happy too, how can I persuade him? He already has a son so he doesn’t know this feeling of desperation, I feel like I have to choose him or my chance to be a mum!

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smithy1986
smithy1986
in reply to Hidden

Such a hard situation, I can understand him not wanting to use DS, but at the end of the day you have come around to using DE's, so maybe he should look at it that way. Men are so hard to talk to when it comes to their fertility issues arnt they! Maybe you should have a sit down heart to heart, try to get him to understand how emotionally draining this is for you but that you are both in the same boat, you are both using donors, not just him. Maybe you could organise a chat with your clinic or your GP so they can educate him on donor sperm as it sounds a lot worse than it is, maybe he might consider it then xxx

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He won’t even talk to me about it I tried last night but he just went to bed I feel so alone

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Kyell2

I am so sorry that you are having such an awful time, especially when you had already had to deal with so much.

We had the no sperm diagnosis last year and it hit my OH really hard. We tried everything and then finally had to face the fact that we would need to use donor sperm.

It hit my OH really hard and it took a long time for him to get around to the idea of using a donor. Now, 10 months on we are finally starting again and choosing a donor at last but it’s a long journey and I don’t think he’ll ever be 100% ok with it.

I’d recommend giving him time and try to get on with life for a while if you can. It’s not easy tho 😔 xx

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in reply to Kyell2

I’m sorry to hear that. But also glad you have got your minds round it if a little bit reluctantly from your OH, I bet it won’t matter one bit in the end, the doctor just rang me and said that there is an option for my OH to keep giving samples untill they find some live sperm as we only need 6 for our 6 donor eggs, because last year the test was much better. Have u heard of that?

Thanks x

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Kyell2
Kyell2
in reply to Hidden

Oh that’s better news!

Well you can certainly improve sperm content and quality as long as you have the ability to make sperm and then use it for ICSI. There are lots of supplements that he can take to improve things, perhaps your Dr could recommend some? x

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