Crossroads

[Greenleaves1]

I've found out this evening that my latest embryo transfer has failed. I've had 3 IUI and 3 rounds of IVF (one transfer each time) using donor sperm. I've got low AMH.

I have one son from successful donor sperm IUI 3 years ago.

I feel that I'm done with IVF now. I don't want to use donor eggs etc. I've pumped so much money and time into it. It's been all consuming and I think it's taking me away from my life and precious time with my son.

I'll have my follow up call with the clinic in the next few weeks but I think my mind is made up.

(I've another round paid for as part of access fertility package which I hope to get refunded. If I was to go again I'd be spending another £1300 on sperm and approx £1000 on travel and scans). I'm 40 in 6 months and want to focus on life.

I don't really have a question but I guess I'm wondering how people feel when they reach this kind of pivotal moment?

[StarThree]

i’m so sorry to hear your transfer gas failed, i hope you are ok. It is a lot to go through and I think it can be really hard to come to a decision. So I think it is amazing that you have made your mind up, that is a strong thing to do.

I’d be really interested to know if you manage to get any refund. My husband and I are in a similar package and we no longer want to work with our clinic but we have been refused any refund. Which seems awful as we don’t trust our clinic any more.

Good luck and i hope you are ok

[Greenleaves1 in reply to StarThree]

Thank you - I'll hopefully find out tomorrow and let you know. I don't think I'll get half back, they'll have some clause.

[Kitkat10]

hi, I’m sorry your transfer wasn’t successful. I felt the same when I turned 43 in my quest for a sibling and couldn’t face trying again with OE.

Access fertility only refunded me £60 because I had had 3 transfers and I suppose, spent more on those. But that aside, all I wanted to gently say, was, maybe give yourself a little more time to be sure. I can 100% relate to the gruelling process but give yourself time to recover before you make the refund decision. Enjoy your gorgeous son and enjoy getting back to life together.

I 100% respect your feelings re donor eggs so it’s irrelevant that I turned to that option but it did take me some months to definitely decide to opt for the refund on my OE cycles. I only had a couple of sperm straws left and no more available to buy so I didn’t want to risk them on my OE. I was older than you are though, so my OE chances were lower and they really were at the end of that road. I don’t think you have to make an immediate decision. For me, I found it helpful to temporarily rid the whole thing from my mind for a month and just have a mental break before I started to think again about what was next. Good luck and enjoy your little boy xx

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Kitkat10]

Thank you - my clinic don't think I've time to wait. I've only had one fresh transfer from the one cycle. It just feels like a lot of pressure from something not likely to work this way. I'd have more chance trying with a donor each month.

I'll see what happens in my follow up call but my clinic don't change much up each cycle so I've lost some faith that way.

[Kitkat10 in reply to Greenleaves1]

Yes, clinics do seem a bit stuck in their own ways which is very frustrating! I only had one fresh transfer from the cycle that worked with my son. I was 41 and AMH 1.2. It is a lot of pressure and I coped terribly with the whole thing so I do absolutely understand your feelings, I just don’t want you to regret cancelling the package. I had a few wobbles after I cancelled mine. See what the follow up brings, I hope the clinic are helpful and provide the support they should xx

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Kitkat10]

Thank you - I know I don't want to regret it either but in reality I've given it 6 goes for a sibling. If they are going to give me buttons back in refund then I'll probably just go for it again. I'll see how the follow up goes. xx

[GranolaHippo]

Just to say, I'm in a similar place (and same age), so just really feel for you.

If you want to DM, please do! I do find my response time is a few days at the moment (you'll get it, this is a lot, and some days just making it through takes everything). But happy to chat.xx

[Greenleaves1 in reply to GranolaHippo]

Thank you - I'll drop you a message xx

[Xmishell37]

Hey! I've had 3 rounds of IVF which were all unsuccessful and I have no children. My partner is keen to do a further round but to be honest I just don't think I can (or they we can comfortably afford to as we would have to pay for it and the cost is so unfair).

My final negative test was in December and we decided to take a break before deciding. We've started to live life again and it's been lovely as our relationship was seriously suffering (I was constantly grieving for what I didn't have).

I totally get your decision to stop. Now that I've stopped I'm not sure I can go back to it, it is all consuming and I cant bare the thought of spending 8-10k on something that doesn't work. Also any time I have a medical appointment now my anxiety just returns. It's horrible. I'm really considering the idea of a child free life now (unless it happens naturally which after 6 years is quite unlikely).

Only you know what is right to do but sending you so much love ❤️ xx

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Xmishell37]

Thank you - I'm so glad you've been able to build your relationship again as it's all consuming. I have guilt that I'm missing parts of my son growing up because my heads always thinking about what I don't have instead of what I do.

The money side of things is sickening.

Keep trying, you never know. I've spoken to so many people who have had failed treatments but fallen pregnant naturally after. I hope it happens for you, either way you know you've tried xx