Hey ladies, hope you are all well! Im just a bit down and at the moment i have nobody to talk to because they are all pregnant or dealing with babies... I consider myself as a strong person but sometimes its just too much. On Wednesday my best friend had her baby and yesterday i went to see them in the hospital i love them to bits and they have no fault i feel that way. The day before another pregnant friend was explaining to me how wonderful pregnancy she has knowing how i struggle... The other friend is 8 months pregnant and was telling me how much she appreciates me been next to her and how she knows when the baby arrives i will be alwats by their side and help for everything. And on top my other friend who had her second baby in April sent me a text today telling me her baby is too big for her bed now and asked me if i want the bed..... Im so tired from buying baby clothes for everyone else but me, im tired sometimes from smiling at them when they talk or complain about their pregnancies, and no i dont want that f..... bed cause i don't even know when mt ivf will start and if is going to work.... I mean I'm nota bad person and i do everything for everyone but sometimes i feel so sad.. I know i will wake uo tomorrow and i will smile again but today i just needed to share and i knew you ladies will understand me better than anybody else.. Have a lovely evening and im sending you lots of hugs ❤❤❤
I just can't take it sometimes.. - Fertility Network UK
I just can't take it sometimes..
I feel exactly the same sometimes.
Most days it’s possible to pretend that I’m ok and then randomly it gets really upsetting.
All my friends have babies too and all conversations seem baby related and it does feel quite isolating sometimes.
Sending hugs your way, and please know that you are not a bad person to want to discuss something other than babies or pregnancies xx
Hi there, I'm so sorry your feeling so down. I think it might be worth setting some boundaries for yourself with friends. Kindly talking to them about things they do or say that impact you might be news to them and perhaps they would make a few small changes to help . Sounds like you are a really caring friend and that you have lovely people around you, offering you things,trusting you to help with their babies, I'm sure they would understand. Putting a brave face on all the time can sometimes backfire! I know from experience. Night sleep well x
Yes definitely the brave face makes you keep everything inside and then one day it all just bursts out. That's what i will do gor a while, need to distance myself a bit from all baby topics 😍😍😍 Thank you hun and have a good night too xxx
Ahhh bless you, you are so strong. Whilst on my journey I distanced myself from
Pregnant friends, half sisters, cousins, the lot!! I just couldn’t face it them with their babies. So I admire your strength and the fact you’ve been there for them. But,
You have no reason to feel guilty, the feelings you have are natural and totally normal and sometimes the feelings will over come you and that’s totally naturally.... FYI- who wants a second hand bed for the baby they so longed and wished for- surely you’d want to look and choose for yourself lol....wishing you all the best and baby dust in the world... and I pray your time comes very soon xxx
Exactly hahahha i pictured myself sitting at home and staring at the empty bed.. Im sure she didn't realise how silly offer was that knowing all my struggle in details. I mean sometimes even you most loved people can make you upset only because they can't stop and think twice. Like my best friend because of all her hormones she felt very nervous and i told her to calm downand her response was "look you are not pregnant so you can't understand me". I teach myself to forgive those kind of words cause i know they don't really mean it but still hurts. And yes i will definitely buy a new bed for my baby one day ahhaa. Thank you so much for you lovely words and wishes. Sending you lots of hugs xxxx
Sounds like you are a great friend who gives so much for others. I know it can be tiring having to put on a brave face and always be happy for others. I totally understand. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you xx
Aww bless you.
It's totally understandable the way you're feeling and I know i definitely feel like that at times.
I've said it before on the forum but I'm sure I'm a pregnancy magnet! And people who I'm not that close to always become closer to me when they are pregnant. It's a blessing and a curse at times when people really want you involved like your friends do...
And on that note, there is a friend of mine from the church I attend and I love her to bits, she's pregant and church are having a baby shower for her tomorrow. I'm not going to the baby shower as I'm not up to it but I was decorating the room ready for tomorrow!! Some of the ladies were telling me how it's my turn next...bless them, they mean so well but I've been hearing this for years!
You're right, tomorrow you will probably (hopefully) feel better tomorrow but for now, you're in the right place as we 100 percent know how you feel.
Hoping tomorrow is a brighter day for you. Xxx
I'm so glad i found this page. It's amazing how women without knowing each other can give each other such amazing support. Yes they always say "ooo i soon will be your turn" i prefer if nobody says that hahaha. Yes im same like you i do all these things (i did babt shower for somebody as well) and really enjoyed doing that but when i got home i was like "ummm that's it i don't wanna hear or see any babt related stuff anymore". And yes tomorrow will be brighter day for all of us. We will keep smiling and everything will fall in the right place when the time is right. Have a lovely night and thankyou 😍😍😍xxx
Isn't it Just! I love the support and genuine answers and advice.
Hehe I know! Couldn't tell you how many times I've heard it, my husband used to say it as well!! I had to ask him to stop as it was driving me mad.
I totally get that. It's good to be involved but sometimes we have to think about our own well-being and say no if we're not up things
It definitely will. You too and thank you. Xxx
Keep going lovely, you can do it 💕
It’s ridiculously hard but one day this pain will be worth it xxx
I'm sure it will. And this day might come sooner than we think. Honestly after all you lovely ladies words i feel much better. Thankyou so much 😊😊😊😊❤xx
Totally, and the pitying look they give sometimes when they do actually remember! Arrgghh. Have you tried shedding a tear in front of them to show how insensitive they are being? I couldn't help myself once. Usually I am always thinking and looking out for others but once it was all just too much and they saw me shed a tear. Not sure how much difference it made but I hope they got the gist. Xx
I never did and maybe that's my mistake haha. They seem to forget very easily for other's problems really but expect you to remember everything that bothers them. Im same like you always putting others first and im always last vut nowadays im trying to think a bit more for myself.. Doesn't really work yet but will get there aha. Sending you lots of hugs xx 😍
I’m so sorry you’re having difficult time.
It’s not easy trying for a baby.
We tried for over 7 years & watched every friend family member have a baby & wondered if it would ever be our turn! It was so heartbreaking. But I’m 8 weeks tomorrow. It was worth the wait & fight 😘
It’s a difficult journey & it really takes you to the edge of your being but you can do this. You are on the right track & have a plan in place It WILL HAPPEN.✨✨✨
I suggest as others have to put yourself first. It’s okay not to attend baby related events. I avoided them too! True friends will understand 😘 xoxo
7 years that's a very long journey. Im glad you got your miracle and im wishing you with all my heart happy and healthy 9 months x.
I always have hope and yes I've got plan as well just sometimes need to let all those negative emotions out, like a soul clearance 😍 xxx
Thank you.
It’s not an easy journey, it’s the toughest thing I’ve ever done.
This website really helped me & definitely felt less alone. The ladies & gents here are so supportive & everyone understands, it’s a great place to off load! 👌🏻 The success stories gave me great hope ✨
Hope kept us going & keep believing your time will come you will get there ❤️xoxo
❤❤❤❤❤😍😍
Ahhh hun... This feeling is all too familiar to us all I think.. I had exactly the same feelings on Thursday and had a complete emotional break down at work because it just got too much...
Sometimes you do need to take time out for you though, your friends will understand if you have to distance yourself every now and then.. It’s an incredibly tough journey so be kind to yourself and try not to feel guilty for these feelings as they are totally understandable given the circumstances...
Sending a hug xxx
The ladies on here will all relate to this. It is hard most of the time. Your friends obviously value your friendship and input and whilst they may not be able to understand or know what you are going through, I try and think that neither would I if I hadn’t been struggling with infertility. You will start IVF and hopefully it will work for you x
A big hug for you! I believe all of us here know exactly how you feel. I agreed with LaurajaneF that sometime might be worth setting some boundaries. I normally just smile and did not dive into those topic so I dun get into that emotion. Everyone is different and seems you are very caring person. It is ok that you care for your freinds and when you need hugs, we are all here in the same boat with you. Can always chat when you want to 
Im so glad i found this page. Because even when people pretend to understand they forget very quick, but all the women here are amazing support. I always smile as well and just go eith the flow and care for everyone but me. This needs to change a bit. Sending you lots of hugs 😍😍😍❤
I really feel for you. Others without fertility issues just don’t understand that it’s always on your mind and you’re always thinking why can’t we just have a normal life. Don’t give yourself a hard time about feeling bitter or envying what they have. You would be weird if you weren’t feeling these things. Hugs xx
Exactly. I always let myself cry the negativity out a good sleep and the morning after i feel better. Lots of hugssss ans thank youu 😍xx
It is so hard,I'm fortunate not all my friends have kids, a few have had fertility issues too. It definitely helps to have other people going through the same thing to talk to.After my failed ivf I took a break from people with kids, I needed to,and to be honest they understood, I believe a true friend should,perhaps now is the time to focus on yourself and your OH and do things to have fun together before the craziness of ivf starts xox
I was thinking the same. We are now moving to a new home and i decided next week to give myself break from everyone else and just focus on decorating my new home, cooking lovely dinners for my man and spending lots of time with my dog haha. Im sure this will make the things better xxx
We all feel like this!! Your not alone!! It’s a tough journey. One day we all will get our bfp, we just have to work a lot harder for it. Big hugs 💕💕
I totally understand how you feel and echo what the others are saying. It sounds like you are a very good friend and always putting others’ feelings before your own. But sometimes you have to put yourself first and that is entirely understandable. If you feel like you need space from pregnant friends or baby talk, take it and don’t feel guilty. Your true friends will understand. I just send a text saying I’m thinking of them or send a baby gift to show I care but I take the space I need until feeling stronger!
Xxx
Honestly after visiting the delivery suite to see my friend and her newborn i feel like i dont wanna see them for a while. I do love them to bitsbut i think a week by myself with my dog will do me a good favour. 😍 Thank you 😍😍❤
Time with dogs is great. I love my two and they help a lot!
I have my first IVF consultation on 5th November so we are at similar stages 😀xxx
Omg amazing. Im on the 6th hihi we can share experience and hopefully we can start soon with everything. Where do you live? Xxxx
Yeah that will be great. I’m Worcestershire but first NHS cycle in Birmingham. How about you? Xxx
I live in Worthing and we got funding from West Sussex xx and thr clinic we picked is in Hove just half an hour drive from where i live xx
I am kind of excited to start now...it’s taken some acceptance but it’s good to have a next step I think. I just saw your profile. I have PCOS but atypical as only really have the cysts and endometriosis. Apparently it can actually be a good thing for IVF having PCO (as long as you don’t overrespond) as my AMH is 63 so hoping I get lots of eggs. Hoping we both get there soon xxx
So our stories are quite similar and we will be together on that journey just different parts of the country. I did read as well that PCOS could be a good thing so i hope we do not overrespond. Will be following your story and who knows we might get our miracles at the same time 😍😍😍
It’s an awful situation to be in! You want to support your friends whilst screaming life’s not fair, when’s my turn?! Don’t feel guilty, everyone experiencing this feels these emotions.
At the moment I feel every friend that visits is only visiting to tell me their pregnant or a new development to their pregnancy. It’s hard to be brave 💞
I totally understand your feelings. I felt exactly the same yesterday. I usually dont drink, but yesterday I needed to have a couple of drinks with my hubby and had a wonderful sleep. Today it all starts again.
Dont blame yourself for these feelings, it is absolutely normal! And probably you could be a bit more clear with your friends and tell them that you dont want baby conversations on some occasions. They will understand.
Huge hugs and all the emotional power that you need! xxxx
Same. I stopped drinking and smoking cause im due to start IVF but last night i slipped and had a glass of wine and half a cigarette. Luckily my man came home earlier and we spent the night watching funny videos and laughing so for couple of hours i forgot it all. Sending you lots of hugs xxx 😍😍😍
Hey, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this but your feelings are totally normal with what you are going through. I wrote a similar post a few weeks ago as sadly I suffered a MMC and during the time of going for scans to check viability of pregnancy 2 of my sis in laws announced they were pregnant and ive been getting really worked up about seeing them and then feeling guilty because I adore all my nieces and nephews and I know I will with these 2 when they arrive.
I actually contacted a counselling service through work and had my first support call yesterday and I asked her for coping strategies to deal with it, she was lovely and reassured me that it was a normal reaction and she said it's all about self care and I shouldn't put myself in situations that I can't cope with yet, she suggested I send them or text or write them a letter explaining that I am really happy for them and I don't want to make them feel guilty but I'm struggling to be around anyone pregnant at the moment,maybe you could do something similar to tell them how you feel, self care is really key when you are going through IVF.
I wish you the very best of luck xx
Thank you so much for the advices its really helpful to hear from people in the same situation. Ive decided to give myself some time off from everyone. Im moving house next, have my first consultation in the clinic on the 6th so till that time i will ve taking care of myself. Will decorate my home, walk my dog and soend some time with the husband. Sending you lots of hugs xxx
It's really good that you have a new home to look forward too and spending some quality with your hubbie and dog. Hope everything goes well for you on the 6th and for the rest of your journey xxx
Thank you so much. I will share all my experience and im sure i will need some advices and support 😍😍😍xxx
I know how you feel, sort of. Only me and my partner know we are having IVF. I am scared people will judge me for not desperately wanting kids at a younger age. When I started my job, my boss assumed I had kids as I had gone for a term time only post. I just had to smile and say no.
What annoys me about parents is when they tell you that you're lucky that you don't have kids! They cannot mean it.
You sound very caring and will surely be a great mum.
Wishing you the best for your treatment. This community seems really supportive and kind; please keep posting and let us know how you get on.
Oh i definitely will im on the oage every day reading people's stories cause it makes me feel im not alone. I had to let my manager kniw that i will go through IVF cause at my work place is very difficult with the days off and few of my friends know. But i really regret i didn't keeo it for myself only, much better. Good luck with the IVF and will follow your page and you too keep posting and we can share the experience and our feelings 😍❤❤ Lots if hugs xx
this must be so hard for you.... Maybe tell your friends you're having a hard time and need to take a step back for a week or so, if you're surrounded by pregnancy I'm sure it can be so mentally draining, you need a bit of time out to think of your journey and not compare yourself to your friends, i know you probably want to be a good friend but your friends should understand you need time to take care of yourself, and it won't make you a bad person neither ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxxx
I've got my first appointment with the clinic for a scan on the 23rd October and with the doctorsand the nurses on the 6th November. I decided i will give myself break from people haha. Moving to a new flat next week so will keep myself busy with the flat and my dog hahaha Lots of hugs xxx
I know exactly how you feel! As Asians we tend to have large families and keep very close to our relatives. I live with extended family and my 2 sister in laws have had 5 children between them in the last 3 years, at least two of them just accidents. And for the past 4 years I've had to smile and be empathetic through all their pregnancy woes and celebrate when their children are born, chipped in with babysitting and just generally always show happiness with their children.
The rest of my extended family - both mine and hubbys - are just popping babies all the time. I feel like I'm buying baby clothes and birthday gifts literally every month. And when we all get together, me and hubby are only ones out of 8 or 9 couples who don't have children - they spend all their time talking about their kids or playing with them. We feel so left out, nobody thinks how we might be feeling - they're just desperate to talk about themselves.
I do love kids, but some weeks it's SO hard when everyone I live with is only talking about children and pregnancies and they just don't think about my feelings and I just have to make sure I don't come across bitter or resentful at any time. It's such hard work and it's so exhausting.
I've got a lot better at it, though - the days that I do feel bitter or tearful are becoming less, so I feel like I'm becoming a stronger person. But it's okay to have those days when you are feeling vulnerable and weak (usually when your period is fast approaching) because actually you need let out that built up frustration and stress. And I also find the vulnerability allows me to pray extra hard, otherwise I just block it all out. And I also have to remind myself that just because everyone else is having children, doesn't mean my life is about what I don't have right now. I am so much more than just an infertile woman.
Keep strong and have faith that one day you will have your baby. And you will be so much more grateful for your beautiful baby than you would have been if it had just been easy.
I know that's not much help, but it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only person that is going through this, because often it does feel like that. Sending lots of love and prayers X X X
I can totally relate to how you're feeling. People who haven't been through this just don't understand.
Sending you a big hug. Look after yourself and don't be afraid to put your needs first 😘 x x
So sorry you feel this way but totally feel your pain. My sister in law had a baby not long ago and always makes jokes about how they got pregnant a lot quicker than they’d planned. Whereas me and my partner have been trying longer than them and still nothing 😔 I know people say to distant yourself but it’s not that simple sometimes - it’s my nephew I’d be distancing myself from and that’s not really an option. In an ideal world, he’d have a little cousin on the way but it ain’t happening 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t necessarily think there’s a right or wrong thing to do, you’ve just got to find the people you can talk to and maybe now and again let your friends know that things do bother you. People are really oblivious to how others feel even though it’s pretty obvious, but when we act so tough and strong all the time - people don’t see us any other way.
Wish you all the luck in the world ❤️ Xx
Exactly. We are always strong and people think nothing bothers us cause we are with a smile on our faces all the time. And as you said its difficult to distance ourselves from the real life even we must do it though. Will be our turn soon i believe that. Sending you lots of hugsss ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yes fingers crossed for us all on here ❤️ It’s a hard time but will all be worth it when we finally get our little miracles ☺️ Xxx
Yay 😍😍😍😍❤
I'm so sorry you feel like that. I remember feeling exactly the same (I was lucky to get pregnant after a FET thank goodness - but after many years of infertility).
I just wanted to say that you are obviously a great person and friend because look how much your friends value you! One knows you'll be there, the other is thinking of you when giving away her baby stuff (that was once probably a really special and important purchase).
I totally know how awful it feels when every single person around you is pregnant or showing off their baby - just keep hoping you are next! Your miracle might be around the corner.
Wishing you all the best x
It's great you got your miracle on your first FET 😍😍😍😍😍 and thank you for your lovely words brought a big smile on my face. Im due to start my IVF and have my doctors and nurse consultation on the 6th November. I will ge there and will be amazing! Thank you and sending you lots of hugs.
I did have one failed round of ivf before my little miracle but it only made me stronger and more appreciative of what I have now, and I'm sure that'll be the same for you!!
..You are amazing...your friends are very blessed to have you in their lives. Its a tough road to travel for sure. When is a good time to tell your friends your heart is aching ? All l know is that true friendship is symbiotic and it's okay to say you need them to be there for you. You just need to work out how they can support you...be clear about what you want. Before you open that door...lm sure they will be loving but might need a bit of help as to how that looks. Huge hugs.
Thank you for your lovely words. Yes there is no right time to tell them how we feel and honestly i always thought they would know cause i shared many things but seems like people are quite forgetful.. I think the right thing to do now is to take care of myself more and just spend time away from them for a while. Doesn't mean i don'tlove them but it will ve just "me" time and nobody else's 😍😍😍😍 lots of hugsss xxx
I feel for you!! I know exactly how you feel as I’m in a similar situation, I’m pretty sure every single friend has either had a baby, pregnant or even on their second baby already! I know what you mean about constantly buying baby clothes for everyone and wondering when it will be your time. So hard xx
I always laugh at myself when i look back. When i was 20 i thought if i have unprotected sex once I will get pregnant straight away. I didn't kniw anything abou ovulation etc. And look at me now 🤣 going mad over those baby stuff. Our time will come i believe it and i kniw will be soon. We just have to be patient and keep fighting. We will get there! Sending you lots of hugs xxxx
I know! You literally thought as soon as a boy even looked at you, you would get pregnant! It’s ridiculous really what we now have to go through! It will work out, we WILL be a mum xxx
Yayyy we will 😍😍😍xxx
Completely understand where you're coming from. Feel like that today. Be kind to yourself xx
Pregnant work friends
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