Need to vent

[Pma2020]

I need to talk to someone and feel this group is the only way i can talk to people who will understand. Im 34 and have been trying to get pregnant for a very long time. In a couple of weeks we will be starting our second cycle of ivf and It feels like time is dragging. All my friends have babies. Each time one of them announces a pregnancy it hurts so much, but you have to put on a smile and tell them how happy you are for them. I am happy for them, but it still hurts and makes me want to cry every time. My colleague at work is heavily pregnant, so I’ve had to see her every day through out her pregnancy and today I found out my best friend is pregnant with her second. I just don’t know how to think straight. Im trying not to obsess about it all, but when it’s in your face like that it’s impossible. I just feel so sad all the time and don’t have anyone who i can talk to about it. It all just seems so unfair

[Keepingfaith85]

Hi lovely, I know just how you feel! I'm 34 too and I'm the 2ww of my third FET. All my friends have babies or are on to baby number 2 and I have reduced my contact with them as I just really struggle with it. I think that's okay to do though, obviously we still wish them well and keep in touch when needed but it's okay to put ourselves first too.

It must be awful having to work with someone who is pregnant. That would really get me too as you want work to take your mind off it all.

It's really good that you feel ready for your second cycle. Maybe focus on using this time to get your mind and body healthy whether that's health related or just giving yourself permission to do some fun stuff for a bit or plan lots of extra self-care. I always find having a rough plan (even if I don't stick to it) helps pass the time and helps me feel more in control. One positive is I've found ways to manage my stress better 😂 Gotta find the positives even if it does feel like hard work with how shitty and unfair ivf is. Although I do remind myself that we are lucky to be alive now where ivf is an option even though it's most definitely not a guartenteed or quick fix.

Always here if you need to talk 💕Xx

[Pma2020 in reply to Keepingfaith85]

Thank you, its really helpful to just be reminded that other people feel that way too. Will try and take some of your positivity!! Wishing you all the luck xxx

[Keepingfaith85 in reply to Pma2020]

Thanks 😊 I'm not always positive and I definitely think venting is important too! Xx

[Rainbowdreams82]

Hi I know exactly how you feel. We’ve been going through this process for 2 years, 6 IUIs later and about to start our ivf journey. We have 3 recent announcements from 2 best friends and sis in law all due same time. Hardest as our last IUI would’ve been same time. It’s been torture learning of their 12 week scans all over last weeks: I’ve had major meltdown and had a day of work as a result. Feels the worst being jealous and struggling to be happy for others even though you are but you also can’t verbalise because you just cry and it’s too painful to say out loud. I totally and completely get where you’re coming from. This emotional rollercoaster feels lonely and draining at points. Hope you’re ok: please message me anytime if you need to vent further xxx

[Snowlady]

I know what you mean darling don't fear, I'm in the same boat. Shout and scream 😱 all you want at me I'm feeling totally the same. I'm 36 been trying for years. Happily married lovely 3 bed house but, just want my mirical to make our house a home 🏡 xxx

[inthewaiting]

i feel you big time 😣 34 as well, we’ve been trying for over three years, and we’re starting our second round of IVF in a week. basically all of our friends have gotten pregnant on the first try. it’s so hard not to compare, and not want to burst into tears any time i’m around one of them. i’ve been pretty strong until this point, but after we started our first round of IVF last month i decided i needed to protect myself and i’ve allowed myself to take some space away from all my pregnant friends for a while. i fee guilty and confused but it’s just too painful right now. the the waiting between cycles is so hard! i feel like i’m in a weird in between part of life that isn’t real—i’m so ready to get back to a time when we’re actively working towards things again.

this time is so so hard but we aren’t in it alone (even though in our respective lives it may feel this way). just remember everything you’re feeling is okay and valid and just try to be really gentle with yourself. we’ll be so much stronger for all this waiting and work ❤️💪🏻

[RhinoCat]

Isn’t it weird how all the pregnant ladies just appear at the worst times 🤣

Like crossing road right in front of your car or serving ya in boots!😤🙄😂👌🏻

I said that to my husband a year ago and he thought I was nuts, then just a while ago he said ‘everywhere I go today I see babies and pregnant ladies’ . 😁

I think it’s just cause your whole brain is thinking about it so you notice it. If you were thinking about something else , like red hair, then I suppose you’d notice that too. Your friend and her baby number 2 won’t be the last . Sigh 😔

I was struggling a few months ago with this and I remember saying X friend is pregnant , x friend is pregnant , all it leaves is x friend and my brother and that’s a total piss take . And guess what???? X friend and brother .... pregnant . 🤣🤣😂😂😂Well not actually my bro but ya know what I mean . I remember at the time my husband and I said let’s make a list ( in our heads) of who all it would be that would piss us off, and then after ya say it out loud, you’re over it 😘

All I can say to it is 🙄 and 😤.

I also snap myself out of a wallow when it happens by saying ‘oh who cares’ or when someone is baby chat crazy in my head whilst they talk I say ‘bla, bla, bla’ . I even say it out loud sometimes, once a wee bit too loud but I found it hilarious 🤣 I think you should try it 😂🤣🤣🤣 maybe they wanted it as much as you though so , don’t annoy yourself pet . The bla bla also stops ya from hearing it all when you’re not in a strong moment .

I hear ya.

I get it.

I feel it too.

Massive hugs of understanding 😘💖💐💐💐💐💐💖💖💖💖

Ps My friends all have two or three . The oldest is a teenager so, trust me I’ve been watching baby news for a while now. Sometimes it’s ok . Sometimes it makes me cry . I’m accepting of it now, it’s just easier that way.

[RhinoCat]

And also I forgot to say , I work with children . EVERYONE else’s children ! Sometimes my heart actually hurts but, I just keep trying to hope it for me too one day and wishing others the best. It doesn’t serve ya well to want what others have anyway , best to be glad with what you’ve got and hope for that wish to come true.... some day. 😘😘😘😘😘

[Rainbowdreams82 in reply to RhinoCat]

I work with everyone else’s children too & many are terrible parents 😂

[RhinoCat in reply to Rainbowdreams82]

No comment 🤐...... 🤪🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🙄

[Khess124 in reply to RhinoCat]

I work with children too and it’s a nightmare looking after other people’s children when you know those parents are at home! It’s difficult because I feel gifted to atleast be Able to work with children but gutted that I don’t have my own! Xx

[Hidden]

Hi Pma2020,

We are all here for you and you are saying the exact words we all feel out here everyday. It hurts so much but here you are not alone in this.These ladies keep each other going.🥰

Big virtual hug ....🤗

Louise

Xxxx😘

[MumofaSpaniel]

We all go through this, you are not alone! Please remember that we are all here for you and understand. I have so many friends that avoid me now and I understand because we don’t have the same time to talk like we did before the kids arrived! Xx

[Florencenightingale]

So sorry for your hurt. I was exactly this person 2 years ago and it killed me the same way it is with you. I fell pregnant naturally after 4 years of trying but ended up MC at 10 weeks.

Slowly over time I have learned to deal with it and no longer feel bitter towards anyone who has children. I'm not sure what changed my mindset but I couldnt go on any longer feeling bitter. It takes up so much energy.

I hope you manage to overcome your pain and go on to get your forever after xx

[ttcemmie]

Hi my love. Know exactly how you feel. It is unfair! This is a really hard journey, only made harder by all the people who get pregnant around us along the way (although we're happy for them). Here for you. xxx

[Crochet3]

Hi my daughter is now 34 and was trying to conceive for nearly 6 years. After 8 rounds of IVF for unexplained infertility she finally became pregnant by FET last year and had a beautiful little girl at the end of Jan. She and her partner struggled with their friends pregnancies and often isolated themselves. Try and keep strong there is always hope. xx

[Hidden]

I can totally relate to this. I'm 38 and just had my second and final round of IVF treatment and all my friends family are having babies. We've been trying for over 2 years. All our tests have proven good and were just "unlucky". It hurts quite bad to the point I get jealous and resentment towards people which I find horrible but it's how I feel.

I'm currently 3 days away from testing to see if this cycle has worked for us. Luckily on the cycle we got 2 frosties some we have another 2 goes but I think why will they work if all the others haven't.

It's an emotional and mentally hard long journey fertility. All I can say is keep smiling and hopefully we will all be blessed with our little miracles one day xx