I just heard other baby news....I wish there would be one week without any pregnancy/baby news! Last week was worst though, my best friend told me she is pregnant and they weren't even trying to get pregnant. Bless her though, she was so scared of telling me because she knows our situation. But she has been my rock and I have been able to moan to her about all these pregnancy news etc but now I can't do it anymore. Last week was so horrendous for me, I though I never stop crying and now I started finally feel good and full of positive energy and BAM!! Slap in the face, there came other pregnancy news from my cousin.
Just felt I needed a bit moan about this....
How you all are dealing with other people's pregnancy news?
Oh Hun I really feel for you and know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry I don't have any advice as it's something I've struggled with and I'm often constantly 'on alert' and fearful of announcements from those close as I'm not sure how I'll handle it again. It can be a nightmare and you feel trapped in your own paranoia!
I've worried many a time that a friend or relative is about to make an announcement, for example if they're not having a glass of wine like they usually do or if they say they feel nauseous. These fears have often been unfounded then I end up feeling silly & hysterical but the worst is the ones that totally come out of the blue.
My sister told me she was pregnant about a year ago, it was such a shock as she's never wanted children and is very career focused and I'm ashamed to say I totally lost the plot (not with her, just once we had left one another) my hubby didn't know what to do with me. When she later miscarried I felt like a terrible person and such guilt. I'm really worried about reacting like that again, I'm not sure what I'll do.
I'm sorry if this hasn't been very helpful, just wanted you to know you're not alone and your feelings are very normal. Big hugs xx
Georgina78 it really helps to share these stories. And I believe that we should let ourself to feel exactly how we feel on those moments because I'm sure we all understand that it is only the infertility that makes us feel like that and we don't mean to hurt anyone and we are happy for the close ones but it is same time so hard when you try your everything and still aren't successful. And yes!! I know exactly what you mean by being 'on alert' that's how I feel about 95% time I'm meeting friends. Oh silly us xxx
I agree, not sure how I would have surpressed some of the feelings I've had anyway, they were so strong 😳 You're right though, it is only the infertility that does this to us. We're not bad people (although I have felt like one) we're just sad and in exceptional circumstances.
We are silly! Nice to know it's not just me, although I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone. It's exhausting isn't it 😕
I hope it gets easier for you with your friend & cousin xxx
Hey Georgina! I haven't posted on here before but have had four ivf cycles, got pregnant on our last one then had a 'missed miscarried' at 8 weeks. I've left my job now to take a year out to do a writing course and some fun things as found it was too hard carrying on with both a stressful role at work and going through fertility treatment. I can't even go on Facebook as I hate seeing photos of my family and friends' children, even though I love them all it just hurts so much. I've gone through lots of upset over other people's pregnancies and just found out another family member is pregnant without trying... To me having a baby feels as unlikely and lucky as winning the lottery but to all these others it's so easy and often unexpected. Anyway, this is the first person close to me to get pregnant since my miscarriage and while I love the couple involved I just feel terrible and emotional and so blue about it. It's just an awful situation we're all in but you must never think your feelings about other people's pregnancies are 'silly', my ivf counsellor said never, ever to think this as it's completely understandable to have such feelings with what we're going through. They're feelings that it's hard for other people to understand, so it's great to finally share on here Lots of hugs to everyone here xxx
Hi Claire thanks for getting in touch, I'm so sorry to hear about the time you are having at the moment, and what you have already been through 😔 The miscarriage after four attempts must have been devastating. I think it's really admirable of you to put yourself first by taking a year out and doing something as wonderful as a writing course, you're obviously a strong lady although I'm sure you don't always feel that way (everyone says that to me and I always think 'you don't see all the tears 😕)
I'm also on a career break at the moment, I had a very stressful job with a lot of responsibility and took redundancy when it came up as it was just before we were starting IVF and I wasn't sure how I'd cope. I'm now volunteering as well as having some fun like yourself, I soon learnt I needed to do something. Your writing course will be a great distraction and outlet I'm sure.
I know exactly how you feel when you say how unlikely it feels, I feel the same which I struggle with because there must be some hope there somewhere otherwise I wouldn't even bother trying a 4th time. Everyone is always saying 'think positive' and I do worry that I'm not helping myself but I think it's probably normal after a number of failures (not to mention never falling pregnant naturally) to no longer be super excited and positive about it all.
The pregnancy announcements from those closest are the hardest aren't they, which makes you feel terrible as you love them so much. It's so complex, I'm dreading the next one but I know it's only a matter of time really. I really hope that gets easier for you and the couple in question are understanding about your pain.
If you ever want to chat privately please don't hesitate to dm me xxx
It's awful isn't it, especially when it's those closest to you because you're happy for them but it's still a reminder of our own situation. It doesn't get any easier, I just find that the more time moves on the easier it is to accept. Sending love x x x
I'm new to this site but thought it was good to chat to others as it doesn't seem that anybody I know is going through anything remotely similar!
The baby news fear is the WORST. It has got to the point where I even feel sick if I see a celebrity is pregnant or has had a child, let alone someone I personally know.
One of my best friends announced her third pregnancy last week. My younger brother had a baby back in October and my best friend, who was having some minor fertility issues and who I also used to confide in, had a baby in July.
It is horrible to feel like you are the only person you know not having a baby.
This is exactly how I feel. I bull silly childish faces when I read celebrity pregnancy news and couple of times I have left from the queue in the shop if there has been a pregnant woman front of me. Not dealing with these situations always so classy
That's exactly what I said to my husband today, it really is like slap in the face - yey someone is again pregnant but it's not you!
We have our first appointment for the 3rd ICSI cycle in March. I noticed you are soon starting your 2nd cycle. Good luck and lots of positive thoughts from here! Xx
I feel just the same icsi mama! Posted a message to Georgina above which tells my story and I also get annoyed when I hear celebrities are preggers (Cheryl and Liam - happy for them but still, grrr!) let alone friends and relatives. It's mad, but they are valid feelings because of our circumstances. Xx
I feel for you pregnancy announcements never get an easier and are always there with someone. Big Hugs xxx
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That's true and it seems that for me those seem to come as in 'clusters' there is always few pregnancy announcements after other, and then it might be quiet for couple of months and then again news after news. X
I know how u feel, when we found out about our infertility problems my both sisters in law give me the great news of being pregnant again....i was happy for them, but cry and cry and cry again for myself. Stai strong xx
I am dreadful at hearing others news..I put a brave face on but inside I am hurting so badly as I want us to be the ones sharing happy news for a change. Friends lately have been worried to tell me which made me feel awful as I try so hard to hide my feelings but I think your nearest just care so much for you and understand as best they can. I don't want to be the woman that hides away from friends with children and I work with kids so they are all around. I just allow myself to get upset and don't feel guilty as deep down I am so happy for all ,y friends and I have to beleuve we will be the ones sharing our happy news soon..talk on here as much as you like and need too..we all know exactly how this feels xxxx
I know how you feel. I have started to be a bit that person who doesn't necessary want to see her friends who have children, especially if they are not my closest friends, and I really don't like that side of me. X
Hi. I had a similar situation. We have been trying for 2 years now. 6 months ago my sister got pregnant without even trying. She didn't know our situation so I felt devastated, like I'd been punched in the stomach.
Now she is due in 3 months and I'm having to talk babies cobstantly, plan baby showers and constantly act like it's all ok.
She now knows our situation and is really supportive but there is only so much moaning I can do to her since she is having such a lovely time.
I guess my conclusion is that life just isn't fair. We have booked some fun holidays to look forward to and get away for a bit but being the older sister and constantly having the comment 'oh I thought you'd be first' really takes its toll after a while!!!!
Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it must be dreadful. But at least your sister knows. And I know it's your sister but try not to put yourself too much in situations that are too difficult for you to handle.
Oh and those comments, gosh....those are the worst...like my friend who got pregnant after trying for 3 months said me "I can really relate to your feelings after we had to try for 3 months"....there is no way she can relate to my feelings when we have been trying for 1,5 years and suffer from infertility!
Haha gawd. I have had the same. When my sister first told us and didn't know our situation she said the same.
Two of our best friends just adopted a child after struggling to concieve for years. Since then I've always said 'if I'm lucky enough to have kids' but you just never think it will be you do you?!
It's so weird how the mind works. I keep thinking that it's never our turn but same time I'm not giving up and knowing that it is our turn in some point way or other. Xx
I can't stand pregnant women. i know that's immoral but I also faced infertility problem. How can they be so happy all around? I can't control my feelings and that ruins my life.
My husband is supporting me, he knows how I'm feeling right now. Can you imagine a little doctor's fault could thward somebody's plans to be happy and loving parents.
Hi leaflower I just read your first post and your feelings are very understandable. It's not always easy to live in very family oriented world and all the pregnant women around us but I guess even I'm not good at that we just need to find a way to deal with it, somehow filter our feelings....lots of supporting thoughts from here xx
hard to believe that one day I will become a mother. My mother gave the births for the 3 children. Two my brothers. And they also have children. But not me, I was the last child and all love was for me. Is it my curse for being the better daughter for her mother? I don't undertand, truly don't know
Hi icsi_mama, I have felt similarly to you. I go through stages of feeling really strongly and then less strongly depending on where I am in my treatment but in general whenever those announcements comes it's awful. My brothers wife has conceived, been pregnant, given birth and now their son is 8months all in the time since my first cycle. As you know I'm about to embark on my 3rd like you! I reckon I only have one couple that I would call friends who haven't already got children or are pregnant and I too am wanting to avoid socialising with any of them. It does make you a bit withdrawn from society and lonely doesn't it. I'm finding it easier now I'm planning our next cycle and I have some hope. I think we all share very similar stories and experiences to be honest but it doesn't make it any easier when something hurts so much. It's only the pain talking and bending our feelings but it is truely heart breaking at times.
Fingers crossed our BFPs are just around the corner and our dreams come true x
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Lots of hugs to everyone here xxx
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