Friend with a cold.

Hi guys,

I am 9 weeks pregnant and a friend wants to meet tomorrow.

She said her and her baby have been sick last week with a flu and I am scared to catch something from them...

As anyone knows that follow my posts I am being super super careful as this is a much wanted pregnancy (as all of yours are).

This is a friend I have avoided when I was on my fertility journey as she had a new baby and all her friends had babies and I hated spending time with them.

If I cancel, honestly our friendship will be over.....

Any ideas how to deal with this? Or anyone think it would be ok to meet her if they have had a week of recovery from the flu...would I still be able to catch something?

Xxx

[Box01]

It's a tricky one but I think I'd go, even if you get a cold it's not the worse thing and there are lots of things for pregnant ladies to take to ease the symptoms, or you could make a natural remedy yourself so your 100% happy with what you're taking. Everyone is different and I imagine so ladies wouldn't go but I think I'd risk it, after all you can catch a cold by sitting next to someone on a train.... Maybe lean back on your chair instead of in😂

[Hidden in reply to Box01]

so funny - as I text her now asking her if she was better and said I was scared of catching her cold and she said they are both better and we had more chance of catching a cold from people on the train than them!

As I was saying below - I honestly think I just have general anxiety about meeting her as I always feel depressed after we meet - just the baby chat overdose.....

xxx

[Niki_B]

Sorry but I'd be saying no. You said a flu right not a cold? The last thing you need right now is to be getting the flu! Imagine how much you are worrying being fit and healthy? Just be honest with her. And well if she cannot understand that...especially after what you just been through....is that really a friend worth keeping? It's up to you hun but look after you and baby first 😊😘

[Hidden in reply to Niki_B]

I am not sure if it is a cold or a flu....

I did not want to tell her that I am pregnant - but I am not sure if I can say that I cannot make it - and I can explain in a few weeks the situation. Just to put her off.

TBH I feel like this friendship might be coming to an end - I know it sounds weird but I still can't be comfortable in those baby baby situations.......and she made me feel like crap a few times when I went to see her before - her baby shower was a nightmare, I felt depressed after it....

So it is partly about the cold and partly about not wanting to be around her and her baby....

Sorry I know this sounds irrational and trivial!

xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

No way not at all! I totally understand. Hey friendships unfortunately fall apart sometimes. I believe these things are meant to be. But obviously this is your choice, I guess what I'm trying to say is don't do anything you don't want and push for something that may just not be there anymore? Tell me about it I have a baby shower to go to in 2 weeks...buying all this baby stuff in my house..i keep telling myself I'll be fine...luckily I've planned going out for drinks on the same evening...fingers crossed I'm not a blubbering mess! Lol 🙄🙃

[Hidden in reply to Niki_B]

Omg what is it about baby showers? They are the worst.....

Hope you can survive it.

Xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

Gosh i hope so im actually quite excited for it??? Or most likely my mind playing horrible tricks on me and it's just going to be 1 HUGE disaster! That would be right! Derrr brain 😂🤣🙃

[Hidden in reply to Niki_B]

Haha well it depends on the shower i love spending time with my niece and nephew. Suppose they are close family.

This girl is pretty tricky so that is why her showet was a nightmare.

I just asked her to reschedule! And she suspects I am pregnant now....arghhh

Xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

Yeah it's a good friend of mines daughter and I'm close to her daughter too. But yeah we will see 🙄

Oh well don't let her stress you out hun you much bigger things going on, and if she can't understand well geez I wouldn't want a friend like that! I remember reading your other posts about her, and how un sensitive she is/was. Stuff that. I think the older I get the less time I have for people who bring me down, stress me out and the likes. High maintenance friendships aye! I got no time for that in my life anymore, not trying to be rude but that's me straight up honest. Time to worry about me for a change 🙃 😘

[Hidden in reply to Niki_B]

Yes totally agree.

My OH is so black and white about these things - he just said don't go - simple

Here's to us focusing on us for a change

Xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

Yep men are soooo like that aye! And yes hes right it's simple don't go. But us woman considering everything, and everyone's feelings, over think everything...etc etc. Probably why men aren't as stressed as woman! Sometimes i wish i was a man, might as well be my female bits are broken 😣

Yes my dear cheers to focusing on us for once in our god damn lives 😂😂😂

Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Niki_B]

😍😍😍🤩

[Lilli79]

I'd have to agree with Niki on this one. I think if it was just a cold then you might be OK, but flu would be a definite no no for me. If she is a true friend she would understand - perhaps you could just arrange another date in the next couple of weeks instead. If she doesn't know about your pregnancy then perhaps just lie and say you're on fertility drugs or you've had a minor fertility op so your immune system is a bit compromised? I think if it's related to baby chat issues, perhaps it would be better to wait until you get to after 12 weeks to meet her. This is such a delicate & sensitive time for you - the last thing you need is stress & worry, above all else you should be taking care of yourself xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Lilli79]

Aww thanks. I think it is a combination of both baby chat and immune worries.

She can be quite bitchy and fiesty and I don't like being in a position where I feel forced into something....

Thanks for your response - it is a small problem compared to all the issues everyone has on here.

Xxx

[Lilli79 in reply to Hidden]

It really isn't a small problem, your emotional and mental health is just as important as any any physical health worries. Personally I don't do baby showers and would never consider having one myself, I think each to their own but many people just invite everyone and don't think about how others might feel. Do what's best for you & baby, if she can't respect your concerns then it might be better to keep your distance xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lilli79]

I asked her to reschedule - as it happens we are both away for a bit and I have family over so will be after 12 weeks before I can see her. Hopefully I will feel less anxious by then.

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Xxx

[Hidden]

This pregnancy is v precious as are all pregnancies but there is absolutely no way on earth i’d meet up with them if it was me! Flu is dangerous for us and you shouldn’t take the risk. What kind of friend is she that she wouldn’t understand? My friends always warn me and we cancel/move dates around without question if anyone is poorly! If you were sat on a train you can MOVE immediately if confronted with a sneezer/cougher etc!! I’ve lost 6 pregnancies and had many scares in the past I was clueless about attending toddlers parties etc when pregnant only to receive a phone call the next day that one of the kids has measles, chicken pox, CMV etc and I had to run around stressed to get tested. Fair enough if you have kids but if you’re trying desperately to even have the one why on earth risk it? She sounds like a selfish, demanding, bossy ‘friend’ and I’ve had to remove one such toxic close friend from my life especially as she had no understanding for my journey even though it took her 4 yrs to conceive with a donor in Spain. Sometimes it takes these moments when you find out who your real friends are xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Omg that sounds so stressful - kids are little carriers of everything and anything.

Your messages have given me confidence to be more assertive with her and told her I cannot make tomorrow as I cannot get sick - and I couldn't explain why. So she prob does know I am pregnant but I thought that was the only way to shut her up.

Apart from all the other reasons I am so light headed in this heat I cannot face the train to hers.

I feel like finally I have to think of this baby and until it is in my arms I have to do everything to protect. If she is not around to see that then so be it. As you say sometimes these toxic friendships have to be let go.

Thanks so much for responding and giving your advice.

I love that this forum offers so much support and common sense from people who care.

Hope your pregnancy is going well! You are a good bit ahead of me

Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

So happy it’s given you the strength to do what’s right for you! I feel v passionately about it because I’ve experienced it numerous times and it causes so much stress and once I spoke up and cut contact with this one person I felt instantly calm. I love the way you handled it!! 👌🏼😉 I used to call it ‘going on lock down’ so all my friends knew I wouldn’t be around for a little while and family and good friends understood exactly what that meant. Keep looking after yourself and I really look forward to exciting updates on your pregnancy 🙏🏼😘xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That's what my OH says 'lock down' and actually it has to be done.

Damage limitation haha

Yes likewise look forward to keeping up to date with how you are progressing.

Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Your OH is a wise man!! Ps flu jab should be available from Sept/ Oct time. Our immune system is suppressed so we’re more susceptible to bugs. I can’t take Pregnancare because of blood clotting issues but I take zinc and vit d which are great for the immune system and magnesium for numerous benefits. Enjoy your pregnancy , relax when you can and all will be well 🙏🏼Xxx

[Hidden]

I agree with what other ladies have said.

Personally I wouldn’t want to do anything that may risk the baby ( not saying it would) flu is dangerous enough let alone when pregnant.

I think pregnant women are offered flu jabs? Definitely worth asking about. xoxo

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes you are so right - everyone on here has made me see. Just sometimes I let people walk over me but this time is too critical to risk.

It is such a precious thing and I have to put this before anything else.

Good point about the flu jab - I will ask about it.

Hope you are ok - been keeping track of your journey.

Xxx

[abcgirl]

Glad you made the decision and it’s one I would take. I’m 14+3 right now and have a really bad cold... going on day 2 of a wickedly bad headache and trying to cope without meds. I’d try to avoid any risk of catching something if possible ... I feel horrible right now.

[Hidden in reply to abcgirl]

Sorry you are feeling unwell - you poor thing. It is so hard when you cannot pop pills to make yourself feel better when under the weather. Not even a brandy!

Thanks for backing up my decision - sometimes I just know what is right, but need some reassurance from people who know, and been through similar.

Glad you have gotten through the 12 week milestone and hopefully your cold eases soon.

Best Wishes

xxx

[Bexta6060]

I would steer well clear, a true friend would understand x

[Hidden in reply to Bexta6060]

Yes I cancelled - feel so much better!

Xxx

[Bexta6060 in reply to Hidden]

Good for you! It's good practice for when the baby is born and you have to have the whooping cough vaccine conversation with everyone. Lol

[Hidden in reply to Bexta6060]

OH haha I will look forward to that.

Just nervous about everything these days!

xxx

[Nix44]

Hi EB Sounds like you could reschedule - so crises averted! Just wanted to add that when we were doing our IVF protocol everyone at work (and I mean everyone) was sick. Nasty flus, fevers etc. Luckily we’re a small practice and my colleagues knew we were busy with treatment, so I literally gave all the sick’ns masks and wore one myself when working close to them! I’m sure they thought I was mad, but I wasn’t taking a chance! We have masks and gloves at work (Vet) so it was easy though :). So if a friend knows you went through treatment, perhaps you can pretend you’re still busy with it, and not say anything yet about pregnancy?

Option 2: pretend YOU have an aweful bug and you’re really the one protecting them from it by rescheduling appointment/wearing a mask 😝

[Hidden in reply to Nix44]

Good plan. I love the nasty bug lie! Haha that would have worked well as I would never want to infect her little one.

Well - I dodged the bullet this morning anyway and it was a good lesson for the next few weeks until I announce my pregnancy. As Natalia44 said 'lockdown' for a while

So kind of your colleagues to wear masks for you.

Xxx