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Fertility Network UK
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Another pregnancy announcement.. just having a grumpy day

So a close friend just announced shes pregnant.. she had been struggling to conceive because of PCOS but was lucky enough to fall pregnant naturally...this is baby no. 2.

Weve talked a good bit recently about fertility struggles and she knows my journey. Weve recently had a chat where she was saying how tough she finds other peoples pregnancy announcements etc.

If i have any IVF updates I always tell her first before I put it in out friends group chat etc. But today she went straight to the group chat to announce her pregnancy.

I know I should be excited for her..and I am.. but a part of me is hurt, 1. because I hoped Id be the next to announce a pregnancy and 2. because i would have appreciated a heads up.

The group of friends are all meeting for lunch tomorrow and so of course its going to be all pregnancy chat.. and I feel like a horrible person for having negative feelings but this journey has just taken its toil.

Im surrounded by pregnant friends atm and I guess this is maybe just the straw that broke the camels back.

So im probably just going to go and have a wee cry and hopefully be ready to suck it up by tomorrow.

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Hi aamiller. It is important to tell yourself that the feelings you are experiencing are quite normal. It’s important that you choose how and with who you spend your time at the moment in order to minimise any distress and to look after yourselves. On a practical level, maybe you could start a new hobby, if you have time. Also remember that most people experiencing infertility do so as a couple and often feel very isolated, so apart from each other, in spite of your group of friends, it would be good to confide in one of your best friends or a family member. There are always going to be pregnant women and babies around, we can’t alter that, but remember that you do not have to go to meet ups if you're not up to it, just say that you look forward to the next one, sometime soon.. Perhaps look into attending a support group? If you have a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org you will be able to access a list of groups. No shame in having a cry, you do that if it helps. Thinking of you. Diane

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thank you very much diane.. really appreciate all your advice xo

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Hi there I am so sorry that your friend didn't come to you first even though you afforded her this courtesy when you yourself had updates. It's a shame that she wasn't able to call you and tell you before announcing it to your group of friends. How do you feel about going to the lunch tomorrow? xx

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thank you.. well following dianes advice ive opened up to one friend in the group. so shes said not to put too much pressure on myself, im going to decide tomorrow but shes going to cover for me if i decide not to go. but hoping I feel better tomorrow xo

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Sounds like a good plan! Look after you and do what feels right for you. It's good that another friend is willing to help. Good luck with what you decide to do and if you go, I hope it goes well and you have a good time xx

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I completely understand. One of my close friends is pregnant with her second baby, it is very upsetting as we started trying around the same time 3 and a half years ago.

It's such a difficult situation but I agree with Diane, choose when, where and with whom you meet up with. Be kind to yourself and don't go to things if you know they will be upsetting.

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thank you.. going to wait to tomorrow and see how i feel xo

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Aw it’s so difficult sometimes isn’t it. I felt exactly the same before Christmas when my group of uni friends were meeting up. All with babies and one who was 8 months pregnant and I didn’t go. I knew it would upset me, I knew that I should be pleased for them all but I couldn’t put myself through it. My best friend went and said I had a bug to cover for me.

sending hugs xx

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Maybe i might do the same..thank you xo

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Don’t beat yourself about feeling like this - it’s totally normal. Give yourself permission to be a bit selfish and do what YOU want to do. I’ve been through all of this too; you’re not alone in feeling like this. I started having Reiki treatments to help deal with the emotional and physical aspects of IVF and it’s really helped to come to terms with announcements. Good luck xx

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Thank you.. this forum def helps knowing im not alone xo

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