Coping with friends pregnancy

[lauren3189]

So hard when your best friend is pregnant. Constant messages linking to pinterest baby boards and constant updates on how the pregnancy is going. She knows I will be going through fertility treatment but she doesn't hold back. I feel like a bad friend but I feel she doesn't think about how I might feel. One time which upset me was when I said what if I can't have children. She said well there's more to life. Then she has a miscarriage and said to me what if she kept having miscarriages. She now is pregnant and all Is well. I'm more than happy for her but just want for her to see things from my point of view is that wrong?

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Maybe you could show her some of the messages from

This forum ... I think it might help her to understand how painful it is for us all?

[lauren3189 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thanks for your reply. I have tried it. Everytime she knocks me back saying how it's not the be all and end all. So strange tho because all she talks about is her baby,pregnancy and the future. Can't help but think what it would be like If the tables was turned x

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to lauren3189]

Sounds like you're not getting much from this friendship. ☹️ I hope you have some other lovely friends who are more considerate and have more interest in other people's lives.

[lauren3189]

Thank you Lizzielizzielizzie

[_MrsC]

I had a friend like this. The whole world revolves around her. In the end we've just drifted apart. She was angry I couldn't be more excited for her and I was hurt she couldn't be more considerate of my grief. You're not alone in this. Look to other friends for support. xxx

[CountryCat]

Friends don't fob friends off with platitudes when they are clearly distressed and struggling. Her failure to acknowledge your worries does not say too much about her as a friend. After all, we have friends to share our lives with and it doesn't sound like she is interested in sharing yours. Sorry if I have offended you - I don't mean to, but selfish people really get my goat!!

You sound like a lovely sort of person who deserves to get back the care you give out xx

[Hidden in reply to CountryCat]

totally agree, you've summed up what I was trying to say - but I ended up writing an essay..

[CountryCat in reply to Hidden]

xx

[Hidden]

I have a friend who knows what I'm going through but still posted every day about her pregnancy, moaning etc and now she's posting daily pictures, statuses, imstagram, snapchat, what she's bought it, every time she changes it , about ten pics a day. I just feeling if were situation reversed I wouldn't do this as I'd feel so bad for my friend . x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

r u kidding me, that often - that is just mental and actually quite boring. I actually find that really boastful and show offy. Isn't it rude to show off.. ! xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oh it's totally OTT which is why it's worse but I have to be happy for her at same time so it's tough one x

[Coracle in reply to Hidden]

Nyoko, do think about changing Facebook etc settings for this friend so you see less or none if her posts... while thinking in the longterm whether a meaningful friendship. So sorry.xxx

[Hidden in reply to Coracle]

Yeah I guess I could do that good thinking x

[Tugsgirl in reply to Hidden]

It's a good move! I've hidden so much stuff on fb that all I have is ads on my newsfeed lol 😂 x

[Coracle]

As well as everything else, the comment back to you about basically get over it there's 'more to life' is so unbelievably patronising and unsympathetic... when clearly it has and does mean an awful lot to her, and she does not know what it means to truly face being childless. Unbelievable. But sadly not uncommon. I think some people have an 'empathy' bit of their brain missing and have a good dose of arrogance/stupidity instead. So sorry you've been on the receiving end.

Agree with all the other comments!

xxx

[lauren3189]

Coracle Hidden Hidden

Thank you ladies it helps to know I'm not on my own on this one. I do agree with the idea she thinks she has something over me. All the last year's she has shown signs of being jealous over my lifestyle and so the biggest thing I could want which isn't working out is working for her. I guess we invest so much time and effort into wanting to be treated as we treat people but it isn't always that easy. X

[Hidden in reply to lauren3189]

I guess I am lucky with my lifestyle too the only thing missing is a baby . My friend suffered a miscarriage , left a long term job for a new one which she hated and doesn't work anymore , doesn't drive, so I guess the baby is her world 🌎 whereas the rest of my life i have no complaints about x

[tiger-cub]

Hi Lauren,

I think I agree here with most of d gurls . And I should try and deactivate seeing her posts. And if she's ur friend she'd understand what's going on . It's one of d most difficult things in a woman s life . Relentless issues one after d other . And with on ur shoulders u can't b having more burdens of friends or family like them . I think in situation like this clever and smart enemy would b better than her . U don't need this bull shit right now . I've not only had friends but also cousins who from d time have come to know that I'm trying for a baby started hating me and she always takes up a fight with me unnecessarily. No Matter how much I'll try to deviate d quarrel. She simply won't leave me until I loose my temperament.

So u see people line them r everywhere And we need save ourselves from them atleast during this dark phase.

Hope u r able to sort this out

Xxx

[moogs]

It is so hard and I think some people are better than others at being sensitive to what we're going through. I am on 3rd round IVF at the moment and my best friend just had a baby last week. I feel really jealous and wish I could feel happier for her but it's difficult. I feel like a rubbish friend but I'm just trying to remember that it's a tricky situation and her having a baby just eflects the pain and loss that I'm feeling. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We're only human xx

[Tugsgirl]

It's not wrong no. You can't help the way you feel. My best friend fell pregnant on the first month of trying after doing the deed just once that month and hazarding a guess at which day to try (cycle day 14). No temping, no opks, just a guess! She announced it to me while we were talking about my then future ivf treatment. I'd already been trying about 18 months by then.. it took the wind right out of me but I was happy for her. I was the only one (besides her OH) that knew until she was 24 weeks. It was hard keeping that one secret. But she's my best friend. I decided I'd be as supportive and as involved as I could be. I even thought I should try and make the most of the situation because it might never happen for me and this could be the closest I get to having a baby of my own. I remember pushing the empty pram around her kitchen before her little boy was born, imagining it was mine. I showed up at the hospital when she was in labour and was one of the first visitors to see the baby along with her Mum and Dad. I got to see him a lot when he was little, to feed him and get cuddles with him. Yes it hurt in many ways but I kept telling myself to make the most of a sensitive situation. I'm glad I did. Now he's coming up to 16 months old and I don't see him so much. When my friend brings him over he's into everything in my non baby proof home and as cute as he is he's a little monkey! I guess I'm trying to say that I understand. However you deal with the situation you have to do what's easiest for you. X

[Tugsgirl in reply to Tugsgirl]

Ps, my friend however, does understand how important it is for me to have a baby so I guess I'm lucky there. It sounds like your friend could do with being a lot more sensitive to your situation x