I went to see an old friend the other day. Someone I could talk to for hours and love dearly. I've been staying away from people because my depression is so bad that I know I'm not good company but I decided to make an effort to be normal and went to see her.
My friend was there with her 9 month old baby and I found myself unable to be the chatty friendly person she thought she knew. I realised how much weight id put on since I was last with her. I just wanted to go home immediately and hide under my duvet.
I vaguely remember myself before infertility problems destroyed my life. I now know I will never be that person again.
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Rainbowhope
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I actually thought you were talking for me then. Oh my god I feel the same this journey has taken it out of me. 6 rounds of ivf and I’m not me anymore. Including the weight gain!!
I’m so sorry your feeling this way xxxx big hugs and I completely understand
I'm so sorry you feel this bad. With time and work I'm hoping that I'll actually be a better person than before this journey. Pressure can cause real growth and transformation. Hand on in there.
I hope you are ok. You’re not alone. This is like reading exactly what I’m going through with my best friend. I love her dearly but she got pregnant and as she said ‘we weren’t even trying’. It devastated me. I feel frumpy, sad all the time, and now she has a 6month old who every time I’m around I take myself away to the toilet to shed a few tears. Hang in there! I feel your pain. I hold onto the hope that this horrible process will make make me a happier and stronger person. Egg retrieval happening on Monday for me and I feel bloated, crampy, but crossing all my fingers and toes that it’ll all be worth it 🤞 This process changes you as a person and a couple but I hope there is a shining light at the end of this dark tunnel for you 🤞🤞🤞
Firstly, you’re the priority here - not her. Who cares what she thinks you ‘should’ be, or who you ‘used’ to be. Going through IVF changes you, and I’ve found that it’s for the better! You become far more caring, emotional (which, is actually a good thing!), you have empathy and become far more in tune with our bodies. Yes, we gain weight when we go through IVF - but that can be lost again when we’re feeling brighter. Yes, we might feel emotional when we see friends with babies - this is TOTALLY normal, so give yourself permission. I’ve cut contact with one of my best friends whilst I go through this round of IVF, mainly for self-preservation, but we both know we’ll pick up again when it’s over. Fortunately all the side-effects are temporary and at the end of this journey we’ll all have grown as humans, have an enhanced emotional radar and 🤞🏼 have a baby too.
What you’re doing is amazing, cut yourself some slack and love yourself ❤️ Xx
This process changes you as a person I think - your post really hit a nerve with me as that’s how I’m feeling also. I can’t be around people I consider to be good friends as they have recently had babies and it’s far too hard. As another lovely friend of mine said to me if they are true friends they will understand the need to distance yourself anyway. I would also add that people feel they have the right to ask you the most intimate of questions once you go a little public with having ivf. I’ve just had a friend randomly message and say how are you doing after the miscarriage - have you started baby making again yet? I actually think I might scream at times but thank goodness we have each other on here I honestly think I would have gone mad without this site.
I feel abit like that too I’ve not had ivf but 3 mc at 12w all I think of is pregnancy sometimes wished my partner had decided he didn’t want a baby we were quite happy before I can’t imagine feeling the same as I did before I have all this sadness & self pity I hate it and nobody knows how I feel. If we can’t have a baby how do you move on emotionally?
Totally understand how you feel. I feel the same, it's hard to keep putting a face on. Be good to yourself and spend time with those who understand more that's what I tend to do. Big hugs xx
Totally understandable the way you are feeling. Ivf is such a long, hard journey and no matter how hard people try and understand, I just don’t see how they possibly can unless they have been through it. It changed me too, we spent 2-3 years ttc then had ivf. It made me a very bitter person.
Wishing you the best of luck with the rest of your journey. Once you get your happy ending (and you will)..day by day everything will start to seem better and you will become that happy person you once were.
Take care xx
Sending you hugs, I know exactly what you mean. I don’t have depression I don’t think but TTC for years, ivf and 2 MCs has really changed me as a person. I’ve noticed lately I’ve really lost so much confidence and self belief, I am apologising for myself all the time, even at work and non baby things. I have put on a stone and a half. I’ve lost my get up and get going feeling and would happily spend every day in my pyjamas. I’ve really lost all my friendships as the dynamic has changed so much and no one understands what this is all like. I also feel removed from my family, I am going through my second MC after our second round and I sat with my parents, sister and her five month baby the other day feeling so out it and removed - they all adore him so much (as do I) but it’s like there is a whole new dynamic in our family and as a childless woman I am not part of it.
I keep consoling myself that I will be better when I have a baby, but then panic that that will never happen and I will be like this forever. I guess at some point we have to pull ourselves together but now isn’t the time for either of us. Hugs xx
I resonated with this post so much and brought me to tears. I’m so sorry you feel this way. IVF changes you, it made me an angry, resentful person and I know that it has changed my relationships with my friends who don’t get it. I think it takes time to heal and get back to yourself and I know I’m not there yet. I’m sending you lots of love and be kind to yourself. It’s a painful, lonely journey that causes so much pain and angst. I hope your friends understand and can be patient with you as true friends should.
Me and my best friend are struggling through our friendship at the moment; I hope one day it will be easy and like before but I know it may never be the same and I’m ok with that. Remember that you haven’t done anything wrong and that you are the one who needs support, care and understanding from those closest to you.
You’re not alone and I have been there too. I couldn’t even see my sister when she had hers.
I strongly believe what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and whilst I have had low times with my infertility it’s part of who I am now and I can’t change that like any part of my biology Xx
Thank you for all these kind and generous messages of love and support. I don't feel as much alone as I did before. I'm just in a bad place at the moment. I hope things will get better for all if us. Thank you. X
I’ve just read your post and had a little cry. We are having a fet next month and I’m feeling so low after our mmc in October at 10 weeks. I’m finding so hard to get motivated for out fet. I felt excited last summer going to Cyprus for our Ivf. This time I’m struggling to get motivated. I feel your pain xx
It's so strange that there seems to be an army of women in the same boat. Last June I went to Greece and it was such a hopeful time. Now I'm waiting for a scan to confirm I can start treatment but I have no excitement anymore. Just dread that 2019 will see exactly like 2018.
Hope 2019 is the year for all us lovely ladies on this forum . I’m trying my best to get motivated as the flights are booked and our transfer is booked etc x
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